Men, I need your advice -- I hurt my husband's feelings big time

Background: we are over two years in recovery from his affair. I have not done any major LBing for those whole two years. Occasionally, I'd slip up and do something intentionally to tick him off, but we've been able to work things through.This time, however, I unintentionally hurt him deeply. He was sitting on the floor in front of me and I said, "Gee, honey, you need to start wearing a hat when you are out in the sun, your head is really burned." He is not bald, but his hair is thinning just a little. He glared at me and told me to shut up. He NEVER says that to anyone because he thinks it is so rude.I apologized several times, which made things worse! Finally after a long silence, I asked him to please forgive me. He said he would, if I promised NEVER to mention his thinning hair again.Up till now, he has joked about it, especially that he wouldn't want to risk the 'sexual side effects' of all the products that are available to help you keep your hair.Frankly, I find men sexy with or without hair. There are a couple of bald guys I've know who were very appealing.So, do I just 'shut up', like he told me to, or tell him how sexy he is to me no matter how much hair he has?pogp

Just read of this example in Light His Fire. It said if H was saying what will happen if I loose my hair, what he is really asking is will you love me. It said you should say, nothing will happen, I love you. So maybe something like that. Personaly the I think bald men are sexy line sounds like you are trying to make up for your error, but maybe men would not see it that way.Lora

I've always found bald men appealing - I really have a thing for Patrick Stewert and the late, great, Yul Brenner.

alias,Something else is wrong if you got that strong of a response to something he has talked about or even joked about. That is my guess.Having said that I know more than few H's that reserved themselves long term residence in the DogHouse, by agreeing with their W, that "yes, as you suggest, losing a few pounds would be a good thing." [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

So perhaps you two ought to talk about his reponse and what really triggered it. As someone who notices the rain drops much sooner than I used to, I can understand some sensitivity (we aren't what we used to be), my bet is something else has him down, possibly work or something going on at work.Get into a relaxed state and then ask him, or tell him that his response bothered you and you wonder if something else is a problem. Could you help, would he like to unload a bit, etc.My best guess.God Bless,JL

Liz,All you did was withdraw a some love units. Just replace them. Do not, however, tell your husband that you like bald men. I suggest that instead you tell him how much you love his broad shoulders, and that you are able to melt into his arms. My dad was bald, and he was extremely sensitive about it. He could joke about it himself, but no one else could. I always wondered why it mattered, but since I got my hair from my mom's side, I have never had to deal with this situation. All I can tell you is that you now know about a new lovebuster to avoid. If you slip, just deposit some love units by telling him about his other wonderful attributes.May the Lord Bless You and Keep You, John

Don't mention the hair. Something else is probably bugging him and he decided to let it trigger on his hair. That is what you focus on, after you redeposit the love.

Liz, It struck me that you were mothering him. He's not a child, if his head was burnt, he would know it sooner or later, if he wants to start wearing a hat, he will. Maybe he felt foolish because a) he doesn't like his hair thinning b) he didn't like you pointing out both his thinning hair and sunburn.And, [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

if this is the worst you've said/done, you are an absolute saint! I've said things a million times worse, not about my H's looks, but his character (I'm doing much better with it overall, but still step in the quagmire occasionally).Do check if there is something else bothering him, but just make up your mind to leave the topic of his hair alone, as he has asked.You've apologized which is your part, let it go. ------------------ Lor "Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

Being a sunburn victim myself, I like JL's and Lor's responses.That said, I'd like to tell him to lighten up. Maybe I'm rationalizing because of my disappearing top, but I have never understood why guys can't accept this condition as natural. Sure, I'd prefer not losing it, but the only real downside is the sunburn problem. You can buy a lot of hats for the cost of that fertilizer.WAT

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by alias: I said, "Gee, honey, you need to start wearing a hat when you are out in the sun, your head is really burned."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>There is absolutely nothing wrong with your statement. It is not judgemental, critical, or insulting. Actually, it is quite loving. If I were told this, I'd say "thanks, honey".Actually, his response is the one that is the problem. His angry outburst was disrespectful, unnecessary, and rude. He should be the one apologizing.Unless there is some background to this (that you made a similar comment before and he asked you to never say this again), I'd say he has some head-scratching (figuratively) to do to figure out what the problem is.AGG

Thank you for your replies. I will: 1) sincerely compliment the things I find attractive in him, 2) not mention his hair again, 3) look a bit deeper for what's really bugging him.I do think that part of it may be that the OW used to be really witchy about his appearance, poking fun when he was rumpled or looked less than GQ.Another thing I've realized as I type...I've mentioned the affair several times this week...because I've been working through some more of my anger. Certainly this hasn't helped with the Love Bank balance!off to enjoy the weekend,hugs and thanks to all, lizzie