To Efft Up My Life, should you check here - 07/03/01 05:21 AM
This is a post for G, the first man in my life to make me realize that not all men were "bad."<P>You may find this post full of cliches. Well, it's late, and cliches are less wordy than what wants to spill out of my hands at times when I should be sleeping.<P>There are things I need to say to you, that I wanted to say to you, but couldn't. I truly don't want to make anything worse, to muddy waters that may settle on their own. But some things need to be said, and need to be heard.<P>You say you're on a quest. I pray that you ARE on a quest, searching for a noble end. May that quest take you to the ends of the earth, if you find what you are looking for. I pray that you are not on a journey, aimed for a destination already determined, already etched in your mind. Because if you already have determined the destination, much unwanted, unneeded pain can be caused by spending time pretending to look for something that is already in your pocket.<P>I need you to believe that no one blames you entirely for what has happened. No one person can take something good and make it unbearable, all on their own. Whatever you should choose, you will always be respected. You will always be accepted. You will always be to me, the man who gave people dirty looks when I careened through Disneyland, rudely bumping into anyone in my way. I will never believe that you chose to hurt anyone--unfortunately, sometimes the path to hell IS paved with good intentions. <P>You may have heard that Cali has gotten all sorts of advice, including (but of course not limited to) "change the locks, change the locks, change the locks." Please understand this was not meant to be an attack on you, or punishment of any sort. This advice was meant to be a protection for my loved one. I'm sorry, but you had to expect the wagons to circle at the first hint of danger, didn't you?<P>Whatever happens, wherever you are led in the search for your grail, I ask only one thing:<BR> Please don't forget that while you are soul-searching, you are leaving some people, people that you are very important to, without direction. While you are tramping over hills and streams, creeping through caves--there are people who are left spinning in circles, wondering which way they should be aiming.<P>Stronger in Cali is just that--Stronger. Stronger than anyone should ever have to be expected to be. She can tackle anything that comes her way. I know that, you know that, and she knows that. She could remain Stronger for a month, six months, a year--however long you take. But the longer a person waits for something, the more intensified the result of the action is. <P>I was stronger once, alone and unsure of my next step, yet sure that whatever it was, I would be able to take it. It is very draining. I would like for Stronger to be able to move on to--well, to anything, really.<P>You see, whatever Stronger becomes--be it Dispairing in Cali, Relieved in Cali, Recovering in Cali, or even jsut Moving On in Cali--at least she will be SOMETHING in Cali. Right now, to my dismay, I see her as Hanging in Cali. People who hang for too long generally suffocate. <P>So please, take your time on your quest. No one is asking you to hurry so much, you make snap decisions. But as soon as you know for sure that your quest has turned into a journey, well--it's time to let everyone know that you have found the map. It's only fair to let Stronger stop spinning.<P>Take heart, Efft Up. Take heart that you are not alone, there are angels on your shoulders. Take heart that Stronger is not alone, because I am not the only one who is holding her hand. Take heart that no matter what, we really do believe that you want a noble end, whatever that may be to you.<P>I wish you GodSpeed on your quest, for Stonger's sake--and yours.<P>------------------<BR>I choose to hold hands, rather than point fingers.