Marriage Builders
Posted By: weRtrying Spouse working with OW - 01/12/02 03:26 PM
I know there are some of you out there who have a WS working with OW???<p>My H had a brief PA with a coworker. He said he would quit, but right now I am not working (will be in a few weeks I HOPE once my position goes through though). We need the income and the insurance for our special needs S. H is also very good at his job and I know it means so much to him (though he is willing to give it up)...I am the one hedging on him leaving it, but at the same time I can't stand that he sees her and has to interact with her everyday. He says it is strictly business, not even friendly chit chat, and when she joins a group of people talking about stuff, then he excuses himself and walks away. He said there was never any emotional connection (I know there had to be some because he talked to her on the phone occasional before and after work), all they ever talked about was work and sports. Said he was so messed up in the head and he doesn't know what he was thinking. They had sex 3 times and apparently it was WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAM on both of their parts. Anyhow, it still makes me uncomfortable that they see eachother everyday. I can monitor his cell phone ussage and bills, so I know if there is anything before or after work and there is someone there to keep a check on him (with his 'permission')...but geez.<p>Anyone else in this situation? How do you do it? I do pretty well, because H is totally with me when he gets home, sounds so relieved and excited when we talk as he drives home, he calls once or twice throughout the day, and we text msg back and forth too. Once I start back to work, if we decide that he should stay, I will be allowed to visit him at work whenever I want (he says that NOW [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] ) but this makes me nervous because I have never seen OW (though apparently she is not "all that."<p>anyone?
Posted By: Godisincontrol Re: Spouse working with OW - 01/13/02 06:00 AM
<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>
Posted By: weRtrying Re: Spouse working with OW - 01/13/02 06:25 AM
He took a week and a half off of work starting the day after dday....I never saw any withdrawal, just a lot of guilt, remorse, crying, I'll do anything kind of stuff...saying he knows what's important and he'll do whatever it takes and that he knows it's going to be a long, but well-worth-it journey for us. I asked him about missing her and he's like "miss what?" I don't know, I hope that in individual counseling he finds what it is that he feels he needs so bad that he risked his entire life---wife, son, career. The MC thinks he is very naive (sp?) and immature. He swears even with me telling him all of the warning signs, he still heard no bells and whistles go off and did nothing to prevent the situation from happening. That's what scares me the most. He admits now that he can't be friends with other women, not even friends. His EN of admiration or whatever is too high, and his self-esteem is so low, that I think I spider could crawl up his leg and tell him he's doing a great job at work and he'd get off on it. He seems very confused to me, but I am right there with him, I totally lost my self-identity after having my S, and am trying to "find myself again."
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