NSR's Update - Marriage Builders® Forums

Ok,Just an update from an old-timer. (on Lu's urging)Since divorcing March 19, 2001 there has been a lot of changes.-lost a job... (small company... unorganized... and one that never gave any benefits... and was always late in paying employees)-got a job... (big company this time... and I like the work a lot)
-but it has been using most of my time... keeping me off the boards.The biggest news is that my stepson (who stayed with me during and post divorce) had an "anger management fit" and was arrested by the police for domestic violence back in November.
-I am in the process of getting the police officer that filed the complaint to drop it... but the bureaucracy is horrendous.
-The really sad part... he is living with his mom now [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] .I and the other 2 kids are doing well.
My younger son misses my stepson (they were close step-brothers) but things are working out.My ex-wife seems to like the status quo... but will be living in turmoil:
...her job may be ending shortly (bad economy)
...credit card debt up the hilt (OM too...)
...but her situation with her OM continues (this maybe shortly be "legal common law" status in the state they are in [Penna.])
...but they seem to get by... maybe the naturalist/nudist health club they attend helps them.Except for the huge amount of "work" I have...
...I am substantially happier...
...and more at peace with my life and children!Plan B helped...
...and in my case...
...it is winding down to a complete loss of love for ex-wife.
Her stubbornness will guarantee that she will never return...
...and that's what Plan B prepared me for.
There is even less contact with her than ever before (if you can believe that)God bless all of you...
...especially the veteran MB-ers... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] NSR/Jim

HELLO STRANGER!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] (((((((((Jim))))))))))Well, I saw ya sneak in at the end of the year, and was waiting patiently for an update, and here ya are!!That's really ick about your step-son... I hope that can be taken care of with as little disruption to your life as possible - although I'm sure it's going to take some time....Your ex... well... I guess you expected nothing less by now. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Continued blessings with your job, and glad to hear you like it so much!Take care Jim, and remember - You're one of the good guys!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Good to hear from you, Jimbo.I think of you often.Dave

Nsr,You are one of the life savers here at MB. If we both had a dollar for each time I mentioned or gave out your info, we'd be rich and we could both retire. LOL!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] You are definitely a survivor and one that has retained his dignity. I appreciate your comments, candor and advice. It takes us stubborn ones a while but when I go back and re-read some of the older posts, I see it soo much clearer now. The days are still hard but the major stressful days are basically behind me. Yes I know that I can be in the D at any moment but this time thanks to you and MB, I am ready. Good to hear from you and glad your job is working out well! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Take care & thanks!
L.

NSR,Thanks for the update. I'm sorry to hear about your stepson & your ex-wife.Despite that, it seems like you are doing well for yourself. I'm glad that you found a job that you really like. You are a strong individual and have kept your dignity throughout all of this. You are a survivor.I wish you well.

Jim ~ I was wondering about you and how you were doing. I'm so happy to hear that you are personally recovering, although I am distressed to hear how your children are yet being affected. I think that's the most heartbreaking part of this whole affair mess. Forget the whole morality question...there should be laws against adultery just to protect our children! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] I am glad your job is going well!! I'm still in your neck of the woods and my H is currently between jobs so send me an email and if we are up there during the day poking around...maybe we'll look you up for lunch or something [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img][ January 12, 2002: Message edited by: BrambleRose ]

Hey Jim, Really glad to see your name. Miss seeing your posts.
I hope things straighten out with your step son. He's lucky to have you.
Glad other things in your life are falling into place.thanks for the update

Jim,
I am glad you are fine and start "lurking" again. I am one of the newbie and want to let you know how greatfull I am for your work in this forum.

Jim,
Just seeing your name by a post brought a smile to my face. So good to hear from one of the "Survivors"! I'm glad to hear you are doing well. Keep in touch! You are missed.

Hi Old Friend,Glad to your name on the boards tonight. I was wondering how things were going.I'll add your Son to my prayer list...Good to hear you've got a good job you enjoy...About the ex...What else is there to say...So sad watching people we loved self-destruct...Love you brother,
Bill

NSR / New Sun Rising / Jim...So glad you finally "Surfaced"...Sorry to hear about the challenges you are having with your stepson...I bet it is hard to adjust...with him now living with ex and the closeness that you and your son had with him.Glad you are growing and healing each and every day. As usual, you seem to have a clear sense of where you are at and where you are going and a very solid emotional grasp of what you are feeling.Glad that your new job seems to fit you better... but remember...as a very good friend of mine told me when he had a mild heart attack at 41 years of age..."The cardiologist (sp?) told me, he had never in his entire practice, ever met a male patient in his forties, that while laying on his back being treated in the Cardiology/Intensive Care Unit...ever recalled the patient to have mentioned or mumbled that he wished that he had spent more weekends and late nights at the office!"So be careful not to do those 80 hours at the office per week...balance is a key word and I'm sure you know that!Thanks for coming back and saying hello and telling what you have been up to!A healthy, peaceful and safe 2002 to you and your children.God bless you and everyone you hug!mr r
p.s. - Hope your helth is doing A-OK[ January 12, 2002: Message edited by: mrrlk ]

Hey, Buddy!I too have been looking for this update. I am sorry about the troubles with your son. I can understand. None of mine got into that kind of trouble, but each had college grade trouble after my ex left and the divorce. Even my GA Tech student who was on Dean's List and in a National Honor Society!Look, our kids grieve the loss, too. They just express their grief and loss in different ways. But, the pain and loss is there, nonetheless, and each child must find a way to express it. I am sorry your step-son had his grief come out in that way, but in another way, nmaybe this experience will help him to realize that he needs to find constructive ways to deal with and to release his anger and hurt. I know how much you must miss him. I miss the closeness I once had with my step-kids and ex MIL, too. These are the fall-outs of divorce, and just add to the hurt and grief we have to learn to deal with.I am glad that you are finally able to get past some of the worst of the grief. I definitely agree that Plan B does help so many of us. You sound like you are in such a better place, Jim, and for that I am so happy for you. Also sounds like yor exW in really mired in the same place. Sounds as if she has made zero progress on her road to personal recovery; yet, I am not surprised one bit. Crash and burn is where she is headed, whether she and OM make it together or not. I think of you often, friend. I pray for everyone here. But, I am saying a special prayer to God for you today, Jim. I truly do wish you a lifetime of peace of happiness. I also pray that you do decide one day to follow-up on your dream of being a deacon. I know that you would be TERRIFIC in that position!!!!!!God bless you and yours, Desiree

Jim,Glad to see you are doing well and liking your new job.It is too bad to hear about your stepson though. I hope things work out for him in the long run (btw what ever happened with all his college money that your ex-wife took? Has she replaced it? and also what happened with his dad? has contact continued on that front? (forgive me if I'm being repetitive it's been awhile since I have been here))Glad to hear of the other kids doing well also.God Bless

[ February 07, 2005, 09:43 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]

Thank you one and all...{~Sheryl},
{Dave},
{Orchid},
{Survivor [aka_NoTrust]},
{BrambleRose},
{cleopatra},
{redhat},
{Nerlycrzy},
{Bill},
{mrrlk},
{Desiree},
{Nicole},
{hanora}...
...the best friends come through in adversity!Just few follow-ups for those who inquired...As far as my ex goes... she really hasn't grown at all..
...and BTW... she is still sooooooo angry.
...crash and burn... she is indeed headed down that road!
...and NO she hasn't given to my stepson... a dime of his Social Security money... (most likely won't until the SSA finishes their investigation)I do appreciate all who are still including the links I authored way back when...
...I know the need continues...
...and sadly will continue for a long time.Surviving is a way of life...
...we all must make our way back to some form of normalcy.The wounds to children caused by divorce (and what leads up to divorce)... is truly devastating... and often doesn't reach it's full impact until years later.About my stepson...
...we are healing....
...we talk... about our future... and it is promising...
He needs to know and be reaffirmed that I will always love him...
He is learning...About my stepson's biological father...
...unfortunately... he died.
(congestive heart failure back on 9/11/2001)
...(nothing to do with the terrorist attacks)
...he had many ailments... and even expected a short life span (all males in his family died before the age of 50! he at age 41)
...I was honored to get to know him...
...become his best friend...
......and on the 11th... found him in his apartment... gone to his true Father in heaven.My stepson only got to meet with him twice (since his mother strongly discouraged any contact)... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]
Unquestionably an impact on his subsequent actions.I do limit my work time...
...and when I'm with my kids...
...I focus fully on them!!! 110%
A great New Year's Eve again!!!As far as the long term goal of becoming a deacon...
...it is quite a way off...
Parenting is a vocation that takes precedence...
...and is the gift I've been given for now.
Studying my faith... and passing it on to my kids... will keep me on the right road as well.Love to you all.I'll be stopping by more frequently...
...not as often as I'd like...
...but life stresses are finally starting to ease. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Jim/NSR

God Bless you, Jim.I'm so glad you posted an update. I think of you often. You were the very first person who responded to me on the EN board and directed me here to GQII (actually GQ back then). The Lord certainly was looking after you when He arranged for your new job. I'm very happy for you.Please do keep posting and keeping us up to date. You've been sorely missed here, altho I'm sure your absence is telling and means you are moving forward and no longer just surviving. Blessings ...
Love,
Jo

Hi Jim,It is good to see your update. Your second one was encouraging with regard to your step son. He has had a lot of losses in his life. It is sooo sad your exW doesn't see this.I really don't what to offer you but best regards and good luck as you make headway in your work and with your children.God bless,JL

HEYYYY NSR! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ....i was JUST thinking of you the other day....a lot of newbies and was thinking of the warm welcome u first put for me upon entering this board as the WS.God works in mysterious ways. When God can not longer work with a person for a season.he may removed them. Someday....you ExW will realize to the full extent of what she has done. it may not be for yrs it may be tomorrow..eithe way...know that she will regret all that she has done! You fell in love with a woman that had good potential. Life has just dealt a hard deck of cards and for now...she no longer exsists.As everyone here...im sorry to hear about your step son...but knowing how much you love him...he will be ok [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .....as long as people know they are loved....they will be ok [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] God Bless YOu and your new job! I pray the Lord blesses you richly with love and happiness [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Mercy

Jim,
Glad to see your update, you sound good.About a month ago my H, Guard, threw away the stack of MB print-outs from when he posted. I, course read them (note to self: don't do that, anything I've forgotten is a good thing [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] ) But you posted to him and maybe emailed?...and if I never said it THANK YOU.We're 20 months into recovery, something that at the time my H was on MB I had stopped hoping for or dreaming of.You are a MB personal recovery success story and I've missed your posts.

Hi Jim,You sound so good! I am glad, been wondering how you have been doing. It's good for people here to hear that someone can come out of this mess whole and healing and even stronger, even when the marriage didn't make it. We miss you here and will gladly take an update whenever we can get one! God's blessings to you always.

NSR,
I don’t mean to sound like a broken record, but I often think of you also. You’ve touched so many more people here than you’ll ever realize. I’m glad to hear that even as hardships arise, you are doing well. I wouldn’t have expected any less from you. When I first came to MB your posts of encouragement did just that for me so the brightest news is that you may be stopping by more frequently, you’ve been missed.Thanks and God Bless,
os

NSR/Jim - thanks for updating us on how you're doing. I was thinking about you just the other day. You have been so much help to so many. Thanks!

Hi Jim,One more NSR fan here. Your posts, not only for newcomers, but to everyone were always so full of wisdom and humility. I always appreciated that. You were a big help to me during the first year of this mess. Thanks so much.God bless you in your new job and in your life.Aloha,
Ms.O
[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Jim!!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] So glad to see you about. I need to thank you. About a year ago you gave me a lot. THANK YOU!!!! The months following were, hell. But low and behold, she came back (just this last October)! She got the OM out of her life, asked forgiveness, forgave me, and is loving me a lot. We're doing so, so well. Thank you again, sir. Many times when I felt like I was at the end of my rope, you gave a lift that I wouldn't have believed possible. I'm so glad to hear you're doing well. Keep us informed. God Bless.

You know I can't leave out a response to the caring people who took the time to send me such nice well wishes:Thank you...{Jo},
{JL} the perrenial veteran,
{mercy},
{Lor (Lor)} and your Guard too!,
{mthrrhbard},
{oswald},
{cinderella},
{Ms.O} - made a reply to your post,
{Bill} - glad to hear the good news!
...Work is indeed well...
I have been blessed... so blessed...
Encouraging is the best these forums offer!...Love to all,JIm/NSR