How do you get your ws... to do more financially and around your home, etc... which he would be legally obligated to if you filed for divorce... I do not want to file for the D, since this will only move things along... further to a d... but feel upset that my ws, is getting the better end of the deal... by getting out of responsibility for the house, the kids, etc... I am exasperated by his refusal to do more than 25% of his income... it really irritates me... in tx... 25% is child support for 2 kids, but I am totally aggravated with things like car trouble, yard work, and a broken front door, broken refrig., broken washer, and dryer, etc... that I have to worry while he goes and FIGURES HIMSELF out... ha... NOW he feels he is doing me a big favor by gracing me at therapy session, and even considering to work things out with such a psycho spouse... ME>.. that he is trying to make me into... HA HA HA! He is the psycho alien... right?<p>I am sorry, I know I am lbing him today, in that I called and told him all of his antics are in comprehensible and inexcusable to me and the kids, and that it is ridiculous to abandon a mom who was at home with the kids, and now force me to work ... etc etc... I am very aggravated, and feel way too dependent on my family - my mom and dad... who I hate to rely on... right now... they are bending over backwards to help...but I want my H to do what they are doing, not my mom and dad... SEE?<p>I am sorry, i am a bit tired and grumpy, my back hurts and I have had it had it had it with him and his needed to figure it out...!! at least right now, PLEASE give some advise, guys... I was doing sooo good, and now he is mad again, and says do not call me until tomorrow after your IC appointment... bye... bye.. and yells it.<p>WOW, can I pick them?<p>I just thought marriage was forever and you worked things out together, I did not think you got to just leave... ??? <p>Thanks, HONEY [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Honey ~ demanding that he help you is a selfish demand.<p>Every time you feel yourself start to say "I want" stop and reconsider.<p>Your H isn't helping and doesn't want to help. Yes you'd get more out of filing for a D, but you decided not to. <p>You are not a victim here. You have to simply accept the fact that he ISN'T helping, and get on with other alternatives.<p>My H did the same thing to me. I was 6 months pregnant and had next door neighbors taking the lawn mower out of my hands while I struggled to keep up the house and our 2 boys through a complicated pregnancy.<p>Being resentful got me no where. My resentment came from my unrealistic expecation that my H should help me. Why don't you look up expectations in your Al-Anon literature tonight and do some reading?<p>Once I accepted that the reality was NOT what I wanted it to be, but that it simply was, whether or not I liked it, then I didn't have the burning resentment that pushed me into LBing.

thanks bramble rose.. I am tired and frustrated,,. I don't ;like my job... and had to take whatever I could due to circumstances, and I am about to take another job I don't like, except it pays more... oh well, I will be less stressed with more $.... I know if I had filed, I would of had. more , but I was trying to be NICE, and thought well, if he could just mow the yard, and fix the door... well, wouldn't that be a little fairer???? I can do ok with a little more help... but I guess he doesn't want to... like you say... I have studied expectations before, and will pull out my alanon now... I think there is a meeting tonight with childcare... <p>As far as my neighbors go, I jsut want to stay inside... I am tired of them looking at me like they feel sorry for me... OH boy! anyway, just need a break I guess, I am irritated, that seperation was not fairer and he just walked dumping everything on me one day! Thanks for your reply, I am going to get that schedule for the meetings, it has been a good week, but when he starts to make me mad, I just want to call and tell him all about it, MAJOR LB, I know. He says , get out of my SH__T, what the counselor told him... welll I should stay out of his stuff, and not telll him how to be... right now... good advice I guess, I guess i need to realize he does not want to be who I think he should be.
HUGS< ANd thanks br, HONEY

Honey,
I am so sorry that you are having all of these problems w/ H. You have certainly had a rough time! I know how hard it is not to LB when you are so angry and hurt. I had one of those times today too! Just remember that it is only one LB and you need to put it behind you. If Plan A is what you want to continue doing, then starting right now, put plan A back into action. I am not too good at putting my thoughts down on a post, so I hope this makes some sense. My thoughts and prayers are with you Honey.
Hugs!
BH

thanks again, I appreciate the thoughts, I am really trying to plan a again... although at times he does not seem worth the effort... I guess it is better to just have him do some nice things on his own ... in response to my niceness... that might happen... it seems to... I for some reason want to force things to be my way... won't work... can't work anyway.... thanks again, more comments welcome please.<p>thanks, honey