I am having a real hard time when I think about how my wife (WS) is still treating me to this day. It was bad enough dealing with all the pain that she has caused in the past with the affair and everything else she was doing (partying, smoking pot, etc..)
My wife still has not come out and said "Yes" I want to work on the marriage. I believe she is still under the same roof with me because she wants to give her family the impression that she is working on the marrige. But in reality she isn't working on it at all. She wants to smoke pot about once every two or three days. The plans on the weekend are always us meeting up with her co-workers to go out and drink. How do you deal with your WS just treating you like crap? She is so cold I don't know who she is any more. I really do feel like I am sleeping with the enemy at night. I say that for all the pain she has caused me and still is causing me.
I try hard for the two of us just to spend time with each other so I can get to know her. But when we eat dinner she grabs her plate of food and runs to the TV. If I call her and try to discuss something it sounds as if I am talking to the wall. She will say "Yes", "No", "OK" to my conversation. She is always too busy to talk to me and is always cutting me short.
I feel as if she is still fence sitting but trying to give people the impression she is working on the marriage. If I ask her for a decision I know she will say she wants a divorce.
How do I keep dealing with this? I wish she would say or do something. Not a hug, not a anything.
This is very difficult living like this when I don't get any repect from her.
Help......

You're so new to this, confused_guy... and I know how much it hurts.<p>Look at the date I came here, Aug 99. There's a bunch of us who came around that time, and we all know how you feel. Many, many of us (too many) ended up divorced, many ended up saving marriages, but by and large, the biggest group are those STILL WORKING ON THEIR MARRIAGES! Even after two, three and sometimes FOUR YEARS.<p>There's a few folks around with "A long time ago" in the date field -- they came before 1999.<p>What I'm saying, confused_guy, is not to give up just yet. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you WILL make it. If you apply the Plan A principles, you will help YOURSELF to be a better H, whether your W appreciates it or not. YOU WILL BE A BETTER PERSON.<p>Keep on hangin' in, okay???

I've been right where you are.....with the WS just kinda ....well....being there for appearances so you could say.<p>This is where you have to make up your mind. Exactly what are you willing to put up with and what are you NOT willing to put up with?<p>Can you go the rest of your life feeling like you are being treating like dirt? <p>Keep Plan A'ing....working on you.<p>I had gotten myself to a point where I just couldn't live with it anymore and luckily my WH woke up. I hope the same happens for you. I hope your W realizez exactly what she would be losing if you weren't there for her.