Like to get some feedback if my WH's A has really seen the light of day. Here's my story:

On 4/1/02 - WH tells me that he is having doubts about us. Doesn't know if he ever really loved me or if I was just there when he was ready to get married. Thinks me was more in love with idea of being married.

On 4/26/02 - We get in fight. I say "is there someone else" He says "yes, I've been seeing someone else" Timing of EA (mid-March start) is in line with when WH began to get depressed (guilt) and his last sperm analysis results (came back low) Will not tell me who it is.

About May 10th - I tell him I thought it might be his secretary. He laughs it off. Says she will love to know that I think they are having an A. He convinces me it is not her but will not reveal who.

About July 17th - After some snooping on my part, I get enough circumstantial proof to bring it up again. Do not confront him with evidence as snooping drives him crazy. I tell him that in my heart I believe that it is secretary. All roads seem to lead only to her. Still, deny, deny, deny.

He has confessed to EA not PA. But will not tell me who eventhough I am 95% confident that I know who and he knows who I believe it is. She (whoever she is) knows that I know about EA but doesn't know I know her identity unless it is of course the secretary.

If it is the secretary, she is married and her BS seemed clueless at the company picnic on 7/21. I'm not comfortable being the one to tell OWH.

So has my WH's A seen the light of day??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

ajr,
When my FWH told me there was someone else I, too, had a gut feeling it was someone at work. He laughed it off as well. I found out the night before I gave birth that I was right.Boy, did I learn to trust my instincts!

As far as whether or not your H has "seen the light of day", you won't know until he tells you he has, and even then you'll still have your doubts. Has your H displayed any remorse for his actions?

Danni

Thanks for the reply Danni. I know the my WH is still deep in the fog. He shows some remorse that what he did hurt me but isn't willing to stop it. Hence he moved out.

I think the question I am really trying to get some feedback on is that I've read that most A's end within about 6 months of seeing the light of day. Since my WH has admitted EA but not the who has his A really seen light of day??? Or does he need to admit to the who before the 6 month clock would start?

ajr~

The light of Day! This is my experience with my FWH. I found out about his affair but noone else knew about it other then FWH, myself, FOWH and FOW.

Jump forward 6-7 months of the affair still going on (without my knowledge - I was told it was over and no contact during the 6-7 months). The second D-day was when a lot of people found out of the affair. The FOW was a co-worker and my FWH was attacked on the job by the FOWH.

That put a lot of pressure on him, plus to his credit the affair was dying a natural death and he was going to end the affair.

I feel that his affair never saw the light of the day until it was exposed to other people then the ones involved. But also I was not the one to expose the affair, it happened because the of continuing affair.

We are now in a great receovery for almost two years.

bighope

<small>[ August 12, 2002, 12:26 PM: Message edited by: bighope ]</small>