WH had the nerve to play some messages the OW left on his voicemail, to show me what i should have been like if I wanted to keep him. I just wanted to puke, she was so syrupy sweet and she talks in a little kid voice, heres a portion "Hi-ee, (giggle) How are you? I am sooooooo looking forward to you coming over tonight, it means sooooo much to me, I am sooooo happy I just LOOOVE you sooooo much, I would do anything for you because you have done sooooo much for me...I'm sorry I'm not good with words, someday I'll learn how to express my feelings better, I just LOOOOOOVE you SOOOO much, I just don't know what i'd do without you, thank you, you are the best thing that ever happened to me......." Then hes like, see if you could have just talked to me like that all the time, we wouldn't be in this mess
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

And the disrespect, and the idiocy.
He would rather raise 2 other kids than his own?
He is hardly a catch. OW will ditch him as soon as she finds one better.

So sorry you had to go through that, that is awful. Painful.

OW will ditch him, he's caught up in the romantic fantasy of the A.

Of course after 11 years of M with 4 kids it's hard to sustain the emotional needs the way an affair INITIALLY can. Perhaps you weren't meeting his EN for "admiration" and verbal affection the way she is (now, just wait) - but him making you listen to that voicemail is one of the biggest lovebusters I ever heard of.

Don't let him make you feel like this is YOUR fault. The A is the responsibility of the one who got involved with OP.

What went wrong in the M to make that possible (EN's, LB's, boundaries) is both people. Marriages aren't perfect, it isn't easy, especially with kids and the demands of daily life. It doesn't justify cheating.

Oh how horrid, LL! I would reflect reality back at him...something along the likes of...

LL: So you're saying that I should use a woman who would sleep with another woman's husband as my role model? A woman who would enthusiastically tear apart a family with four young children? You would want the mother of your children to be that kind of person?

Maybe you could also add, "You know, of course, that if she'll do it with you, she'll eventually do it to you..."

Don't listen to his garbage. He's being pathetic.

Natalie