After hearing about it in the news, I was just looking at the site dontdatehim.com; a site that lists adulters. It reminded me of this site-a place I haven't visited in years but a place that was of so much help when I needed it. I looked it up (having even forgot the name) and smiled as I read the posts as it was like "coming home." I just wanted to leave a post and let you all know that I am a survivor - 6 years ago divorce papers were drawn up, custody arrangements were settled and I had cried 1,000 tears-and then something changed-and the divorce was never finalized and today we can laugh at how far we have come. I won't go into details-I was the cheater at first, he had a retaliation affair, it was ugly but it's over and we are back to the "old" us if not even stronger in ways. Sure, I won't ever forget this site and the memories are sometimes painful but it is a very dull pain or something I can distance myself from and actually draw strength from my spouse as he does me during those now rare moments.

I just wanted to leave word of encouragement to those of you who just can't catch your breath. Ours was probably one of the ugliest scenarios you can think of - best friends, pregnant wife, coworkers, young children but we survived and as someone who has been the wayward spouse - I plead with those of you who have been betrayed but whose spouse is truly, truly sorry - give them a chance because I know I was -still am truly sorry and cannot fathom what was going on in my mind, I promise you, you can get back to where you once were-and for those of you who are cheating-stop it-it's not right regardless what your situation is. And as someone who has also been the betrayed spouse-you don't forget but it does get better and just becomes part of your past and you will breathe again.

Good luck and my thoughts are with you all

Sure wish you would post here...your help is needed.

LA

It's still hard for me to believe in recovery, but good to hear.

Dear LA - sometimes coming here too often for me doesn't allow things to be in the past, so every once in awhile I do check in just to try to give a word of encouragement, answer any questions I can but then go on to the business of where are marriage is now

and dkljj2005, recently my husband and I both lost weight on a joint diet. The other day I got into his card and with a very straight face said "honey, you are cheating" He quickly and very earnestly said "no, I'm not...no, I'm not..." I then proceeded to show him a fast food reciept I found on the floor of his car (jokingly accusing him of cheating on his DIET- he laughed then, shook his head and said "that just shows how far we've come" (that we can laugh about it now)...at the point you are at, according to your profile, we were still separated, divorce papers still on the table, but just starting to think that maybe this whole thing was worth trying to salvage...

I understand, IS...just wanted you to know how much I appreciated your post...and like the joking about it, someday, when posting here doesn't make the past your present, your valuable knowledge and encouragement will be welcomed.

LA