I recently found out my H was having an A. He hasn't total admitted to everything but enough that I know he has been invovled with a co-worker. Right now he is at the point where he is telling me it's all my fault for letting him become to lonely and rejected. I did confirm to him that I understood the needs I was not meeting (especially the sex) but he was also lacking in my need of affection. He is trying to justify his A by saying it's ok for him to break a marriage vow since I did also by not fulfilling his need for sex. He says he has felt like I have been puching him away for over a year-he didn't say anything because he was afraid I would be hurt or that I wouldn't have listened. We have 3 DD-19,17 and 11. They are very hurt-they are trying to understand but know Dad has another women in his life.
I did ask him to leave-letting him know he's welcome to return if he ends his relationship. He says he can't now and it's just too late for us. He won't be able to accept my changes because he will feel that I didn't want to make them, just HAD to.
I am continuing seeing a counselor to help me deal with changing my behavior. I am just still so confused. Since asking him to leave, he stills stops by everyday-usually with some excuse for being there. I told him I don't want to talk or see him until I get my emotions under control. He says he just wants to see me because he still cares.
Can anyone tell me is there still hope that he will come to realize what he did was wrong? How long do I keep the door open? Do I just work on making my changes and move on with my life? This would be much easier if there weren't kids involved-I just think it's a shame for us to give up on 20 years without giving each other the chance to really concentrate on meeting each others needs.
ADVICE PLEASE!!!

hi - I'm kind of in the same boat. My H says his affair was only emotional but I have my suspicians and he too blames me for it. I won't accept that blame. I asked him to leave but he wouldn't. We have 4 kids. Married 5 years. It was a co worker who swooned over him. Says they 'just kissed' and that was all, but I found his poems he wrote to her. Very hurtful to me. Now my choice is do I stay or go. For now I am staying and decided to believe his repentance and continue counseling with Pastor. I still don't trust him though. And it's a daily struggle. But God has been faithful. I just don't see how he can minimize what he's done? So for now I am waiting praying and watching to see if he is true now. If not, and I find he is still lying...I will leave. Don't know if I answered you for advise...but just letting you know I am facing some of the same decisions. Kathy

22,
Hi, I am sorry you need to be here. It is so painful to find out you have been betrayed by the one you trusted with everything.
There is hope. Many couples have regained their love for each other.
I suggest you order "his needs her needs" from here and read all the beginning principles here. I will also suggest my own favorite "torn assunder" It was a great help to me.
I think you will find that the WS often blames the BS. It will now be your job to disect what has happened, take the blame for your part and give away what is not yours.
Look at the needs list and try to see which areas you were not meeting for him,and which areas he has not been meeting for you.
Good luck, its very painful, but if you dont work it out now you will relive it later.
L

help22,

I found my hope here. www.restorem.org

gentle