I'm still dealing with finding all those porn sites on the computer and now looking at me and thinking I"m fat, I"m ugly no wonder he doesn't want me. We spent the weekend at our property and Saturday night I went with SIL to a Civil War Renactment Ball. She made me a dress (think gone with the wind) and I danced all night. I saw families together, people laughing, dancing and having good clean fun. But in my mind I knew DH was back at the property drinking beer. I was so excited when I got back to tell him about how much fun I had and how much fun our daughter had. He looked at me with disgust and said "I don't care" Pretty strong words. Then he sits down to watch TV once we are home and decides to Watch Miss Hawaiian Tropic. And makes comments on the girls "She's a babe" "What a hottie" It was all I could do to not fight back tears. Then this morning I check email. He is getting emails from old girlfriends. I'm so hurt and mixed up I don't know which way is up.

I want to confront him...but fear his verbal abuse. I want to be able to say clearly and unemotionally what I feel but I don't think I can right now.

What if you write down all your thoughts first, beginning with the good times and what you appreciate about him. Maybe then you could shift into the part about where your feelings started to get hurt, & how he has contributed, next what changes could be made so you guys can move forward and grow.

If your H has a big emotional need for an Attractive Spouse, maybe you can think of creative ways to make yourself feel more attractive. (?) This would make you feel better about yourself as well as fill his emotional need(s).

HOWEVER, he needs to realize what a major lovebuster it is for him to be gawking at women on TV, viewing porn, and getting e-mails from ex-girlfriends!!?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

What, in your opinion, has made your H such an angry man? What has hurt him so much? Why is he drinking so much? Has he always been like that?

No, no, no. I could be wrong, but that whole "in your face" attitude with the bikini clad tv bimbos is just a tactic to make you feel insecure! (Been there, done that!) Focus on becomming an awesome human being despite his best efforts to bring you down. A healthy, strong, secure, kind hearted woman is absolutely gorgeous and every healthy man's dream. Physical beauty is only skin deep, don't ever forget that!!!

I don’t have any advice for the marriage.

But as for the porn and women on TV. If he doesn’t realize that most of that is fake, then he needs help. I watched a special on discovery about the technology used in this industry. They can take anyone and touch up the pictures and make them beautiful. Even on live TV, they can use filters to reduce lines and make the person appear younger. They also use state of the art lighting and cameras to enhance every thing about the people being filmed.

This is just a fantasy world and if he is that into it he needs help. Plus, it is just plain disrespectful of him to do these things, especially knowing how it makes you feel.

Thank you for your responses.

I'm in the process of writing a letter. Last night I couldn't help myself...as much as I tried..I went into History again...he has been in "adult chat rooms" I can't tell you how that hurts.

Where does his anger come from? For years he was angry about his child (abusive, alcoholic, father). Then I came along and showed him unconditional love...then he got saved. The big trigger to this behavior now is that he lost his job March 2003. It literally was beaten into him to support his wife and child(ren). I told him he can support me in other ways...clean house, taking care of DD, etc.

As far as making me 'look' better. I agree my weight needs off (I'm really working on that) and I've made several attempts to 'seduce' him. This only made matters worse. I'm not to iniate anything.

Last night...I was happy, loving (said lots of thank yous and I love yous), asked for snuggle time because I was feeling insecure (didn't go into details) we snuggled and then made love. We had a great night, in spite of me finding out about the adult chat rooms.

Thanks again for your support...it means so much!!