I've tried so hard to keep it together and keep up the ruse...see my story in the thread "How do I survive the A? He's overseas"

I can't keep it up. I'm losing it. The fake me is breaking down. I want to email him right now and tell him I know everything and it's over. I already made an appt with a lawyer for next Tuesday. I see my pastor for C next Monday. My love bank is in a negative balance and there's no way he can add to it from Iraq. Every contact he has with her (I see it through the spyware) subtracts millions. I'm bankrupt. This morning I found out he's setting up a seperate email address. I think he's on to me, or at least he's spooked.

I can't do this for 8 more months. I've been doing this since March 4. Even after his 16 day visit home 2 weeks ago, he continues this with her. I'm losing it. Thank God my boss is not here and it's just me in the office today.

PLEASE SOMEONE READ MY THREAD AND TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I'M SITTING HERE JUST CRYING AND CRYING. HELP ME

S&S

Calm down a little. I know what you are going through is awful. Try posting on general questions while I look at your story. There is more traffic there, and you will get more answers.

SandS,

I just read your thread and I am hurting for you so badly. I wish I could come and give you a big hug right now, because you definately need it.

I don't think I'd be able to keep up the ruse either. Unfortunately, I'm still in the beginning of my little tragedy and don't have much advise to give you, being so helpless myself right now. Just know that I am thinking of you and praying for you. Please feel free to email me (mhollerbach@taftlaw.com) and I'll give you my phone number and we can talk, if you're needing a friend that understands you. Please be strong.

One other thing I started working on yesterday: (this may sound hokey, but its working for me). When I can't stop thinking about it and I start obsessing, I start chanting one of my childrens' names and picture their sweet faces in my head. It's virtually impossible to think bad thoughts while doing this and I get to focus all my thoughts and love on those sweet cherubic faces.

please email me to talk. I'm here for you.

-michelle