I have been reading alot of info on this site and have gone through all of the plan a/b info I can find, but still confused. Bottom line can plan a work in a situation where the ww has alredy seperated from the bs? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
IN the case of plan B, seperated is not the same as plan B.
Take into account the amount of contact and such....
Yes, it can.
In plan A, you try to be the best person you can be. and that means treating your partner/ex partner with utmost respect whenever you have contact with them. Basically you try to be a friend, you don't belittle them, you don't play games, you treat them as someone you love. That doesn't mean you are a doormat. You treat yourself with respect also. This can be done whether you are living together or not. You don't fawn over them, but you are nice. You are available and yet not...easy. For instance, inviting him over for dinner with you once in a while is OK..calling every day..hmmm, don't.
In Plan B, you go to no or little contact to preserve what love you may have left. You usually write a Plan B letter expressing that love and yet stating your unwillingness to remain in the relationship unless you can both whole heartedly work together to mend the union. It's a protective action. It also serves to remove yourself from the triangle.
Plan B is much more "effective" if one has done a consistant Plan A of REASONABLE length..ie it has to be long and consistant enough to show real change in yourself and whatever negative attributes you brought to the relationship, and yet not so long that one becomes...well, a doormat.
Have i confused you completely?
T
twyla,
Here is how I have been approaching my plan I have been writting letters nearly every day. I have been calling way more than I probally should have. I have always made myself available when ever she calls. I am really starting to feel like we are getting farther apart each day. Is it possible that she may feel that I am simply annoying and desperate, instead of loving, and concerned.
I truly feel taht I have been working on me to be a better person. It does sound like maybe I am pushing too hard at this point. Any thoughts or suggestion form anyone would help.
thanks
Turp,
Try backing off for just a bit and do something for YOURSELF for a couple days. Something to take care of you.
I'll check in tonight.
T
twyla,
Thanks I'll give her more space but will be there if she wants me.
I did not intend to give the impression that I am not working on me, I am definatley working on me. In fact I have a counceling appt tonight. Thanks for the advice and I will give her some space.
twla,
Thanks for asking,today is a rough day because it my wife's b-day. She seemed so distant when she picked up our kids today. After reading the card I gave her in which I had written a poem that she gave me on our first anniversary, she told me she loved me and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I was not trying to make her feel guilty or anything but I think that maybe she did. Hope I have not screwed up. I just really thought it was nice sentiment.
today was my first contact w/ her since 7/19/05 it was really great to see her, I hope it is not too late to save our relationship. Unfortunately it feels like she has given up. Can plan A be succesful if she has given up?
thanks
Yup, Plan A does a couple of things..
1. It helps the WS see the "better side" of the BS that may have sorta fallen by the wayside in the day to day relationship that preceded the A.
2. A consistant plan A helps reassure that the changes the BS has are permanent and not just for show.
3. Plan A GIVES the WS hope that maybe they will be forgiven and that it is possible to restore the marriage.
PLAN A!!!
T