"Tough love" approach, can it work? - 11/14/02 09:09 PM
I have been around this site for a while reading and occasionally posting, I'm a bit confused on what action to take now and need some insight. Here's a brief peek at my story:
Been married 1 1/2 years, lived together for 4, no kids, first marriage for both.
WH has been diagnosed w/ depression in the past
Discovered WH's A w/ co-worker in Sept, had been ongoing since before our marriage, he insists its over now, I don't believe it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Seperated 3 times for a few days since then and back together
No "action" from WH since then, still works with OW, won't quit. Won't get back on meds right now for depression. Doesn't want me to call him at work to check up on him, doesn't like me asking too many questions, says I have to learn to trust him again, has always said that he loves me and always has. Sometimes feels remorseful, sometimes doesn't want to talk about it at all. Many mood swings, more than normal.
WH Says OW is just a "symptom" of a larger problem. Has mentioned before that sometimes he doesn't think he should be married but he loves me and doesn't want to lose me (I think he just wants the benefits and not the responsibilities.)
Anyway...I'm leaving out of state for a week to see my family because I need to get out of my surroundings for a while and focus. I'm thinking of a total seperation when I return. I've been trying to Plan A but am receiving no action from my WH except he thinks he's trying by being civil and telling me he's sorry, he loves me, all that. I think actions speak louder than words! My MC thinks I should set him free by one of us moving out. My friend will be looking for a roommate soon and I'm wondering if I should take advantage? Do you think going to Plan B so soon is a bad idea? If my WH isn't really taking much action, than what's the difference if I'm living at home or not? Is it possible this could backfire?
Does anyone have any personal experiences with this approach or advice? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
<small>[ November 14, 2002, 07:19 PM: Message edited by: zany ]</small>
Been married 1 1/2 years, lived together for 4, no kids, first marriage for both.
WH has been diagnosed w/ depression in the past
Discovered WH's A w/ co-worker in Sept, had been ongoing since before our marriage, he insists its over now, I don't believe it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Seperated 3 times for a few days since then and back together
No "action" from WH since then, still works with OW, won't quit. Won't get back on meds right now for depression. Doesn't want me to call him at work to check up on him, doesn't like me asking too many questions, says I have to learn to trust him again, has always said that he loves me and always has. Sometimes feels remorseful, sometimes doesn't want to talk about it at all. Many mood swings, more than normal.
WH Says OW is just a "symptom" of a larger problem. Has mentioned before that sometimes he doesn't think he should be married but he loves me and doesn't want to lose me (I think he just wants the benefits and not the responsibilities.)
Anyway...I'm leaving out of state for a week to see my family because I need to get out of my surroundings for a while and focus. I'm thinking of a total seperation when I return. I've been trying to Plan A but am receiving no action from my WH except he thinks he's trying by being civil and telling me he's sorry, he loves me, all that. I think actions speak louder than words! My MC thinks I should set him free by one of us moving out. My friend will be looking for a roommate soon and I'm wondering if I should take advantage? Do you think going to Plan B so soon is a bad idea? If my WH isn't really taking much action, than what's the difference if I'm living at home or not? Is it possible this could backfire?
Does anyone have any personal experiences with this approach or advice? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
<small>[ November 14, 2002, 07:19 PM: Message edited by: zany ]</small>