This is my first time posting, About 3 months ago I found pictures and a love letter that my wife had hidden in the closet. I asked her what they were she told me it was nothing and they were just friends. This is someone she works with and i had a hard time dealing with this. We have been married fir 23 years and together for 28. She had an affair on me 13 years ago in which it toke me along time to deal with that I really didn't get close because of being scared of being hurt again. Well i realize now that was the wrong thing to do. Because it made the problem worse. She has told me that i was a controlling husband which i really didn't understand what she was talking about until i did some research on it myself. I have a good job i am a manager in a production plant and i worked my way from the bottom up . i always provided for the family and i thought that ways the thing that a husband needed to do first. After she has told me about this i realize that the family needs to be #1 over anything except god. I came from a broken family and i never wanted this for mine. I thought i was doing the right things. I been doing allot of research on myself and read allot of books that really helped me understand the problem. I have made so many changes in my life and have lived them for the last couple of month .. This has made me feel really great about me and what i was giving my wife.. I am a very loving husband and show allot of affection. I am a good father and love kids. I keep myself in really good shape.I thought things were getting better and was starting to feel good until today she told me that she was depleted and she didn't know what she wanted. I guess she wants to leave.. she is the only love of my life and after all this time i love her like i just ment her. I am a person who enjoys being with someone. I don't know how i will face being without her. I am really lost.. I cant picture the future being without the only love of my life.. any advice

Thanks for sharing! I can certainly relate. It is so wonderful to hear from a male...Working on YOU by researching, read, just trying to work on being a better person. I don't want to give any advice, because, I, too, have so much to learn. That being said, I'd like to give my "input". First and foremost...Trust your Instincts! A love letter...hidden....BIG PROBLEM. Man, I hate those freakin' people that work with our loved ones and have no apparent problem overstepping boundaries.

All you can do is take care of yourself. Whatever is going to happen will happen whether you worry, obsess, etc...or not. How can a "committed" couple work on issues if there are "outside" influences?

Instead of making her the love of your life.....how about YOU being the love of YOUR life....the rest will fall into place the way it is "supposed" to...nice if we knew what that is! Sounds easy enough, but we all know that if we try to "control" matters, it will just blow up in our face. Just hand it over...God will take care of the rest. Sounds gospel (I'm not religious, but have a very clear connection with my Higher Power...God). Hang in there! You are NOT alone! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It nice to know that i am not alone, I do feel really bad that someone else is going through what i am, It;s not a good feeling at all. I will try your advise, Because i was just making things worse by trying to control the outcome by the changes that i have made for myself.. But its was so hard because i feel like a new person and i wanted to express that to her. These are things that i learn each day and by the people like yourself that lend a hand with your experences. I pray to god every night and day that things will become the way that he wanted us to be in a marriage. She works with this person and that really bothers me, But i am learning how to erase that from my mind and work on myself. It not easy, but i learn each day how to cope. research has really helped me to understand how to be the person that will make someone happy and filfull there needs. its nice when you understand these things and not guessing on what to do. She is still here and i am going to just give her the space that she needs and not try to control the outcome because i realize now no matter what changes that i have made to myself that i can not change the out come. But talking to people really helps i wish i would of started this sooner. Maybe i could of been on the right track sooner.I always have allot of hope and faith that this will make us stronger as a couple, But thats the way i feel about it, I dont know how she feels about it and i am not going to worry about, atleast not out loud. its hard to not wonder,But i am going to keep that to myself from now on. I will keep you updated maybe we can help each other. I hate to loss my wife to something like this. Thanks you