My husband is currently in the process of forcing me out of his life. He says it's because I'm fat, he's not at all attracted to me, and he wants to have lots of sex with lots of other women. (But he wants to remain friends.)
I am fat, very fat. I wasn't when he met me, I gained weight before we got married and he still married me, and I continued to gain weight after we were married. I didn't set out to do so. I have attempted many times to lose weight, always losing my resolve after several months, gaining back everything plus a few more pounds. It is a really, really hard thing to do. I also have ADD, and it
is very difficult to keep focus on a goal, on a daily basis, especially when you have kids and a husband and a dog and probably a lot of other responsibilities to people who all act like the needs she fulfills for them should be her highest priorities.
In January I went to a wonderful spa in Vermont for three weeks, a women-only spa, one I highly recommend. It's called Green Mountain at Fox Run. You can read about it at
http://www.fitwoman.com. There I found the right motivation for me, finally, and over the last year have lost 40 lbs. I still have 100 lbs. to lose, but for the first time, I am very confident that in the next two years, I will lose that weight. I spend more time exercising every day. Plus, I've gone on other retreats to learn more about my sexuality as a woman, and how to participate in marriage with more personal integrity, which helped me to end my need to please all sorts of people in order to find value in myself.
But it doesn't matter how well I've done till now, it doesn't matter how much I've learned, how excited I was to be a part of making my marriage into a truly great relationship, because my husband is not attracted to me any longer. And the more I have done to try to keep my marriage together, the harder I work at losing more weight, the more I try to initiate sex and be more available to him, and to keep the house clean, and to walk the dog and take care of everything he no longer feels he has the time to manage, the more he shuts himself off from me.
My advice to you is if the physical attraction element is really very important to you, then you should consider choosing to leave now, because she's not going to lose weight until its the right time for her to lose weight. And you probably won't be able to remain a loving husband to her when she's not going to meet this need of yours, quite possibly ever. It doesn't get any easier to lose weight as we women age, you know.
Or, you might try opening your eyes and really looking at your wife as a whole being. And you might explore what needs of hers you aren't meeting and asking her how that affects how much she loves you. And then you should think about the life you've had together so far. And then think about how you feel about yourself right now, as a man, at your age. And then you should go show your wife how deeply you love her, often, until you know that she knows how much you love her, because a woman who really knows she is deeply loved is a beautiful thing to see.
JP