Negotiating with her to open up - 01/29/09 02:50 AM
OK so I'm not married but I am in a relationship thats got issues. Weve been together for about 2 years. Right now we do have plans on getting married and I know she loves me but heres the thing, she feels like i try to control her and as a result has a very hard time opening up to me about personal stuff. She feels like I'm her dad almost. I am very familiar with all the concepts on this website.
Right now she has a freeloader attitude and is thoughtless. It makes me aggravated. I don't ever have anger outbursts though because I learned how to control that when I was a little kid, but I do find myself using selfish demands with her a lot to get my emotional needs met. I have been trying my very best not to push any love busters on her but i keep slipping up and use selfish demands cuz im so frustrated with her.
The thing is I want her to open up and I am just learning how to negotiate. We negotiated that everyday I don't push anything on her she would give me 30 mins of undivided attention and 10 mins of affection the next day. I am sure she will follow thru.
The thing is right now because I don't really do anything else to hurt her so much I don't reall have any chips to negotiate with. I can't say for instance ill stop this love buster if u stop that one because i don't really have anymore to stop, at the same time I am scared I will keep slipping up with my one love buster though because i will still feel frustrated that she isnt open with me.
I figured otu what I thought could be a solution and its kinda like negotiation but it also sounds like a selfish demand to, and if its not, im scared she might take it that way. Heres pretty much the gist of it "if your nto going to be open with me then im not going to be open with u"
that sounds like a demand in one instance but in the other instance its fair. i dont no how to say that without being demanding and idk how to get her to open up. she has been withdrawing more from me and idk wat to do
Right now she has a freeloader attitude and is thoughtless. It makes me aggravated. I don't ever have anger outbursts though because I learned how to control that when I was a little kid, but I do find myself using selfish demands with her a lot to get my emotional needs met. I have been trying my very best not to push any love busters on her but i keep slipping up and use selfish demands cuz im so frustrated with her.
The thing is I want her to open up and I am just learning how to negotiate. We negotiated that everyday I don't push anything on her she would give me 30 mins of undivided attention and 10 mins of affection the next day. I am sure she will follow thru.
The thing is right now because I don't really do anything else to hurt her so much I don't reall have any chips to negotiate with. I can't say for instance ill stop this love buster if u stop that one because i don't really have anymore to stop, at the same time I am scared I will keep slipping up with my one love buster though because i will still feel frustrated that she isnt open with me.
I figured otu what I thought could be a solution and its kinda like negotiation but it also sounds like a selfish demand to, and if its not, im scared she might take it that way. Heres pretty much the gist of it "if your nto going to be open with me then im not going to be open with u"
that sounds like a demand in one instance but in the other instance its fair. i dont no how to say that without being demanding and idk how to get her to open up. she has been withdrawing more from me and idk wat to do