<br>I feel really stupid, because even though my husband's alcoholism was ruining our relationship before we married, I married him anyway. We got pregnant 4 months after we married, and now have a 4 mo old.
<br>My husband and I have gone to conselors,. He would refuse to believe that his alcoholism was the problem, he just kept saying that I was a "control freak". 6 mo. ago, he said that he would quit drinking because he was "so sick of my complaining", but that he "knew that I'd still find something else to complain about."
<br> We get along very well when we're together all day. However; whenever he leaves the house and returns, I always suspect him of drinking, going to a bar. He has lied many times, all trust is gone. I dread getting the bills, because I always find charges to bars. He tells me that he drinks non-alc. beer, but I hate his going to bars. He yells at me if I'm suspicious when he comes home acting "different". What should I do?

If your husband is an alcoholic, you cannot do anything *for* him. You should seek out an organization such as Al-Anon, which is a support group for family and friends of people who have alcohol related problems. You might also want to seek individual counseling for yourself. Everything I have read about alcoholism (I work at a college, so there is *lots* of information floating around about alcohol) indicates that you need to get your own support and make your own decisions about your life.
<p>I would seriously doubt that your husband is drinking non-alcohol beer at the bar. Most bars around here don't even carry non-alcohol beer. Plus, if he had a drinking problem before, he would undoubtedly go back to it when next exposed to alcohol.
<p>Please, take care of you and your child. He will only change if and when *he* realizes he has a drinking problem. With a support network that understands the problems of alcohol, you will be empowered to decide for yourself if you are willing to wait for him to make that decision.
<p>terri

Dear Diana,
<p>Terri speaks the truth. Unfortunately, until your Husband admits he is an alcoholic, and seeks help he will continue down the path of self-destruction. Don't let him take you and the child there with him. I was a substance abuser for many years, and I have been clean for almost 4 years now, and I can remember telling myself and others that I didn't have a problem. Finally, from prison I admitted I had a problem and worked very hard to overcome it. The unfortunate thing is, aside from his pain (which he doesn't want to admit) is the long lasting affect it will have on you and your child. The hardest thing you may ever do is to walk away from him and help him to realize that you won't go down that path of destruction. At the same time do what you can to communicate your feelings to him when he is sober and willing to listen. Tell him you love him, if you do, but let him know that you matter and your child matters. Alcholism as well as other "Addictions" can be beaten, but not until one realizes that the problem exists.
<p>Good Luck. Peace
<p>John_98
<p>Feel free to E-Mail me @ JCWELL@thegrid.net

Me and my husband divorced due to his drinking also; and it was hurting me and the kids horribly. I had to finally walk away and I realized I couldn't help him anymore. I prayed for him and I kept in touch wiht him and his parents, but I could not get him to go to AA or admit it. He remarried and his 2nd wife divorced him due to drinking. His next girlfriend did the same. Now, after 9 long years ,he has quit drinking and is changing his life. Sad for us; but they can do it when they finally get tired of it and admit it. <br>For me, I got out and could have saved our 2 childrens lives. He had a few car accidents (drinking) and could have killed our kids if they'd of been with him. Its been a long haul, but he has seen the worse side of it and is changing. Hopefully, your husband will too.