At a stand off - Marriage Builders® Forums

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My husband refuses to believe me when I say groping me is not a turn on.He says I am trying to control the situation.Unless I let him just grab me and stuff like that he tells me to get away from him if I cant except the type of affection he wants to give me.I am not trying to control anything.It makes me feel cheap,if thats the only kind of affection I can get.Help us please.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by tee: I have been at that place with my husband too. He had sexual issues in his past that I wasn't aware of until we went for counseling. I had always chalked it up to him being a pervert. Try telling him what DOES turn you on and see how that goes. Suggest counseling too. I don't know how long you've been married, but I know that you learn more and more about each other as the years go by and sometimes through counseling, things surface that you would never imagine. It really sounds like he is displaying the the ONLY sexual response that he knows to be acceptable. Let me give you a real life example from my marriage... My husband is a big guy and without him realizing it, he is forceful and strong. He has been married once before and with his ex-wife, he was more dominant sexually. I tend to shy away from that type of behavior due to my past experiences, so we were at a stand still over this for quite some time. When we sent to counseling, she shed some light on the "WHY" part of what was happening. It really helped. I was judging him for his sexual behavior and preferences and he thought I was just being timid and shy. Perception is not understanding. Seek to understand. Also, pray for your situation, for your husband to understand and his heart to be softened to your feelings. My husband refuses to believe me when I say groping me is not a turn on.He says I am trying to control the situation.Unless I let him just grab me and stuff like that he tells me to get away from him if I cant except the type of affection he wants to give me.I am not trying to control anything.It makes me feel cheap,if thats the only kind of affection I can get.Help us please.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>[This message has been edited by Ladel (edited September 06, 2000).]

Thanks for your reply.We have been married for 3 years together 5.I do pray everyday for our problems,and for his heart to soften.If it were not for god in our lives it would have been over a long time ago.I love him and want to honor our commitment to god,and eachother.I accepted that type of affection in the "beginning",[that word is almost a dirty word to me now]but I thought it would normally level off.I would not mind that kind of touching,if I could get an equal amount of the other.It is so hard living w/this tension everyday.All prayers are greatly appreciated.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by tee: You mentioned tension every day. Does he perhaps relate LOVE and ACCEPTANCE to sex? Have you tried counseling yet? Do you know much about his past sexual experiences (if any?) I too, felt tremendous pressure to PERFORM for him the way he wanted. After years of prayer and counseling, he finally opened his heart and his ears and now he hears me when I say "I don't really appreciate it when you touch me like that". "I love it when you touch me like ________". He still resorts to his old ways occassionaly, and I gently remind him AGAIN! You can do this with God's help! I'll pray for you too!