I've been working with Steve Harley for about three weeks now. But, my husband refuses to talk to Steve, read any books, or look at the web site. He is fine with me doing this, but he won't.<P>How do I negotiate this without sounding demanding, threatening and plain annoying?<P>Thanks for the help.

Keep counseling.<BR>Don't force him, you will convince him to look into it when he starts seeing that it is helping you and he is benefiting from it too.<BR>Not to say make life perfect for him...just work on yourself and let the results speak to him.<BR>Y

Yes I agree with Yvonne<P>And I feel that you should know that us girls and there are thousands of us also carrying the weight of trying to save and help our relationships are all behind you and support you and hold you up in prayer<P>Get a Christian minister to come and see you both because he needs input from outside and the minister will ask him and you questions as he will eventually get involved in helping you fix and save the relationship<P>Carol<BR>

That sounds like it would be a great idea IF her husband was in enthusiastic agreement about it...I am concerned that he would feel very upset with his wife if she just sprung this on him. Otherwise it might cause more harm than good in the form of love units being withdrawn from her account in his LB<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CarolBo:<BR><B>Yes I agree with Yvonne<P>And I feel that you should know that us girls and there are thousands of us also carrying the weight of trying to save and help our relationships are all behind you and support you and hold you up in prayer<P>Get a Christian minister to come and see you both because he needs input from outside and the minister will ask him and you questions as he will eventually get involved in helping you fix and save the relationship<P>Carol</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Thank you all for your responses. Unfortunately, my husband is not at all open to negotiating on this. In fact, he won't even discuss this with any of his friends or family or anyone else.<P>So, after several weeks of counseling, SH and I agreed that the situation wasn't going to improve and that my husband was probably uncomfortable with me talking to SH even though my H. said it was fine.<P>I've tried to adjust, avoid LBs. But, it became necessary to protect myself emotionally, which also meant further disconnection. Steve even agreed to this.<P>At this point, I am so angry and bitter and frustrated and resentful, that I cannot behave much more than civilly. What I'm seriously considering is a short separation until I can get over my anger. If my H. chooses to make it a permanent separation, so be it.<P>Thanks for all your responses.

My H and I have been separated for a little over a month. I wanted to go to counseling, he didn't. He said he wasn't going to talk to a stranger and tell them our problems. No way was he going. All of a sudden he calls and says he wants to make the first step and that's going to counseling. We have been to only one session so far but I'm not sure how well its going to work. Why? Because I'm there to reconsile and resolve my marriage. My H is there because he is confused and doesn't know if "freedom" or "me and our marriage" is more important. I have been reading many books and working on "my" problems. My H has not been doing any reading and won't. I can't force the issue, I'm just happy that he decided to go to counseling after all that time he said he wasn't going. Maybe you should start laying little hints around, maybe a self-help/marriage book like in the bathroom (you know how men like to read in the bathroom). Maybe he will pick it up and start reading. Put a book mark on the page that you think would help him or he would benefit from. <P>I wish I could be more help but right now, I'm just hanging by threads wondering if my marriage is ever going to come back together. I pray it will every day.