How can I get my wife to open up to Dr. Harleys philosophy, if she is still in withdrawal. I'm in Intimacy, but she seems distant and unwilling to do anything to try and save our marriage. How can I get her out of withdrawal. I tried to get her to read "Fall in Love, Stay In Love" but she wont commit to reading it. Please, if you been where I am , lend me some help.

should your question be:

"What have 'I' done to cause my Wife to be in Her state of withdrawl"

?

Well at first I thought that I didnt do anything to push her away. But after reading about love busters, I can find plenty of examples that i should of handled differently. I like to joke around, and I think I probably said stuff to her that she really took offense to. Plus whenever the two of us did aruge about anything. We never negotiated it out. One of us usually gave in reluctantly or we were to stubborn to come to any agreement. I can see what I've done. trust me. And I've apologized to her and tried to explain whats happend. She has put up some kind of wall against me and doesnt seem willing to talk to me or listen. I've tried to alter my behavior so that I can eliminate these love busters, And I think I'm doing really good. I know we could make things work, but I cant get her to take down that wall...... How can I get her to realize that its gonna take two of us to make things better. She has to be willing to try. Right now it feels like shes on "cruise control" she nows theres a problem but she doesnt do anything. We cant keep going on like this. Its slowly making us drift apart. She doesnt even include me in her day anymore. I almost dont exist to her. ?

I'm surprised no one else has responded? maybe post your question over in emotional needs?

Not knowing much about your situation, I would suggest buying the LB & HNHN combined course, and put one foot in front of the other, and expect at times, to be pushed two steps back, because the two of you being in different states of mind. The program, at least to my understanding, is designed for both spouses to do together but, will benefit you tremendously from going through it yourself, and hopefully?, once you start changing behaviorally towards her, she will see the benefit from you doing it and may get involved herself. I say "may" because, you cannot force your wants, needs, or desires on your wife, and until you realize that, you will do nothing but butt heads. I wish you nothing but success. You have a long road ahead of you, and it may get bumpy at times, just pull your seatbelt tighter and ride it out, and in the end, hopefully things will work out for you and your wife.

I just wanted to say thank you for, your support. I'll try the course you suggested. I also wanted to say that Sometimes things do get a little better. We bought a board game today, and have been playing it together, Its given us some to to just have fun together and bond. I'll keep pushing forward. thank you