Is this all normal? - 01/29/12 01:11 PM
My husband cheated on me about 7 months ago (one month before our 10 year anniversary and when I was pregnant with our second child). I chose to give him another chance for a few reasons but mainly b/c I know that he feels immense remorse for his actions. We have talked a lot about what has happened in depth. He told me his mistake about 2 weeks after it happened b/c he felt so guilty about it. Basically he slept with another woman while he was away for a month working on his Masters degree. She was a classmate and they have NO contact now and there was never an emotional connection. I am over the skepticism of others b/c I know that he feels horrible and seems to be having a hard time forgiving himself. He said he will never go anywhere without me again etc etc etc.
So now... about me...
I still think about what happened and it completely angers me and I bring it up here and there when we are having issues which i know is not right.
Overall, we are doing better in many ways than before the affair b/c it brought some things to light in our relationship. For one, we have sex much more often. Here is my strange question...
I feel like I want to have sex all the time now and i want it to be more passionate. I am actually more open than I was previously. I asked many many specific questions about my husband affair including what he and this woman did sexually. As much as he hated it, he answered every specific question I asked honestly. Sorry to be so graphic, but after probing I learned that they *edit*.... well, we don't. So now I want him to want to do that kind of stuff with me even though it isn't really like me b/c I have always tended to be a little more modest, but now it's almost like I take it personally that he doesn't try to do it with me. I have bought new "cute" lingerie (again, not really like me). I want him to see me as cute and seductive and I am not really doing it just for him. I honestly think it is for me more.
I feel like my emotions follow that of grief and loss. After I heard what happened initially, I threw up and then I just kept asking myself if it was true. Then I spent many days/weeks crying. After that was the anger. Now I am accepting what happened (kind of), but seem to "relapse" here and there meaning I am doing okay and then out of the blue I have an image pop into my head of my husband and this other girl making love. Of course she was pretty and thin and although people say I am pretty, I carry extra weight (5'6 and 175lbs) so I naturally compare myself to her and question how attractive I am.
Ahh! This whole thing sucks! Am I dwelling? I know he feels terrible about his huge mistake and if I agreed to give us another chance then I need to do just that but I can't get over this.
I'm just stuck on this day that my husband chose to sleep with another woman and I almost resent that it took that for things to get better because it still wasn't worth the pain.
On a whole other note... when I read through these posts I need to learn all the acronyms, it drives me crazy not knowing what everything stand for!
So now... about me...
I still think about what happened and it completely angers me and I bring it up here and there when we are having issues which i know is not right.
Overall, we are doing better in many ways than before the affair b/c it brought some things to light in our relationship. For one, we have sex much more often. Here is my strange question...
I feel like I want to have sex all the time now and i want it to be more passionate. I am actually more open than I was previously. I asked many many specific questions about my husband affair including what he and this woman did sexually. As much as he hated it, he answered every specific question I asked honestly. Sorry to be so graphic, but after probing I learned that they *edit*.... well, we don't. So now I want him to want to do that kind of stuff with me even though it isn't really like me b/c I have always tended to be a little more modest, but now it's almost like I take it personally that he doesn't try to do it with me. I have bought new "cute" lingerie (again, not really like me). I want him to see me as cute and seductive and I am not really doing it just for him. I honestly think it is for me more.
I feel like my emotions follow that of grief and loss. After I heard what happened initially, I threw up and then I just kept asking myself if it was true. Then I spent many days/weeks crying. After that was the anger. Now I am accepting what happened (kind of), but seem to "relapse" here and there meaning I am doing okay and then out of the blue I have an image pop into my head of my husband and this other girl making love. Of course she was pretty and thin and although people say I am pretty, I carry extra weight (5'6 and 175lbs) so I naturally compare myself to her and question how attractive I am.
Ahh! This whole thing sucks! Am I dwelling? I know he feels terrible about his huge mistake and if I agreed to give us another chance then I need to do just that but I can't get over this.
I'm just stuck on this day that my husband chose to sleep with another woman and I almost resent that it took that for things to get better because it still wasn't worth the pain.
On a whole other note... when I read through these posts I need to learn all the acronyms, it drives me crazy not knowing what everything stand for!