My spouse cheated on me 4 years ago....it was with someone I thought was my best friend. The other person still remains to be friends with alot of my spouse and I's friends.

After finding out about the A, I told the other person to leave my life. I told them to leave completely, do not come anywhere you suspect I might be, do not continue to be friends with my friends.

There is are 2 certain friends that knew about the occurrence and they still continue to associate with this character. Occasionally the other person's name will come up while I am around. Every time this happens, it sends me into a spiral. I become very angry with these two friends, it affects my relationship with my spouse because of my anger, I get very short tempered.

I have recently told these 2 "friends" that until they care for me and respect me enough to not associate with this person, that I am done with them. I have told them they are not welcome around me, my residence, or anywhere I am.

I hate it and harbor so much hatred towards the other person still. I am like many here that I would love the chance to run into the other person.

How do I fix this anger? Did I do the right thing with my "friends?

Yes, you did the right thing.


Because of your intertwined social circles, one of the best things you could do is move. Several states away if you can.

The new environment will lessen the triggers to your traumatic memory, while also allowing you and your wife to concentrate on each other and your marriage.

Hate_It,

You can never escape the damage of the affair as long as these people are in your life. If you have to stay in the area then all of these persons need to be informed. These people may also be innocently feeding information to the OP about your spouse.

How near is the other person, are they an OM or OW?

God Bless
Gamma

Hate_it,

One other point, anyone who knew about the affair but turned a blind eye, and even more so people who supported or encouraged the affair, need to be removed from your life unconditionally.

Your spouse may still be lying to you about who knew and did not.

God Bless
Gamma

The reason you continue to be angry about it is because the skank remains in your life. When her name is brought up, your anger is triggered. It is like perpetually picking a scab.

The way you fix the anger is to stop picking the scab by removing yourself from this circle. You might even want to move.

And your husbands feelings are also being perpetually triggered, which makes it very likely for the affair to resume at some point. If you are being triggered, then surely he is too!

I would stay away from the social circle the OW runs in and stay away from anyone who friends the OW. Ask yourself what kind of a person would friend a ho?

I would leave that circle but I would make sure everyone knows about the affair so that others can protect their marriages from the OW and your husband. Is she married? And if so, does her husband know?

What gives you the notion that they are friends of yours (present tense)?

They may once have been friends of yours. Perhaps someday that will see how inconsiderately they have treated you and could again be friends (although this would require changes in their outlooks & conduct that it is neither an obligation nor any priority of yours to help bring about). However, at present, they are not any friends of yours such as to be worth having -- their actions have proved as much -- and your continuing to associate with them in their current state of inconsideration would only be damaging to your prospects of saving your marriage.

HI, what have you and your wayward husband done to recover your marriage? Who is this ho? Is she married? Do they work together?

How long have you been married? Any kids?