How bad was it? - 01/28/22 01:43 PM
So I had an emotional affair last year. It's probably a classic situation, our marriage wasn't great, low sex, low emotional connection, low romance, kids, busy work. I was trying to do everything for her, but was worn out. She was tired with the kids.
I met up with an old friend. I'm quite an open person and she likes to ask questions, so I over shared and we started to talk a out some very personal things. Fast forward two or three weeks of messages and I realised I had feelings for my old friend and was saying things that were romantic.
At that point I told my wife everything and showed her all the messages.
Over the next few months, my wife and I had a lot of hard conversations and arguments. All the bitterness, resentments and frustration we both harboured came to the surface. We had several very rocky months, but for the first time in our marriage we were really honest.
Fast forward 6 months and we have connected more honestly an deeply than ever. Our marriage has turned around, we talk all the time, we laugh, joke dance, we're attracted to each other, we're better with the kids, there's more life and hope than there's ever been.
Then we had a problem. My wife asked me, if I could go back would I still have the emotional affair?
I've apologised for the emotional affair and the pain I caused manny times, I wish I'd never caused that pain, but it was the trigger for our marriage to be transformed, so I said yes. Our marriage was collapsing from the inside and probably wouldn't have lasted, so I would never want to go back to how it was before when we didn't even realise and it was awful. For me the pain of facing what was going on underneath the surface and working through it was worth it. She also thinks things are a lot lot better now.
For her, me saying the massive improvements in our relationship are worth the pain of the emotional affair makes her feel like I don't care, don't understand her, dont know how painful it was for her, and I could have an affair again.
I'm probably ten times happier with our marriage than I was a bout 2 years ago. I have no intention of having an affair. I'm 100% for our marriage working and getting even better.
So she's asked me to try and understand how painful it is to experience an affair. If people feel okay to share, it would help me if you can explain to me how it feels when your partner has an affair?
I met up with an old friend. I'm quite an open person and she likes to ask questions, so I over shared and we started to talk a out some very personal things. Fast forward two or three weeks of messages and I realised I had feelings for my old friend and was saying things that were romantic.
At that point I told my wife everything and showed her all the messages.
Over the next few months, my wife and I had a lot of hard conversations and arguments. All the bitterness, resentments and frustration we both harboured came to the surface. We had several very rocky months, but for the first time in our marriage we were really honest.
Fast forward 6 months and we have connected more honestly an deeply than ever. Our marriage has turned around, we talk all the time, we laugh, joke dance, we're attracted to each other, we're better with the kids, there's more life and hope than there's ever been.
Then we had a problem. My wife asked me, if I could go back would I still have the emotional affair?
I've apologised for the emotional affair and the pain I caused manny times, I wish I'd never caused that pain, but it was the trigger for our marriage to be transformed, so I said yes. Our marriage was collapsing from the inside and probably wouldn't have lasted, so I would never want to go back to how it was before when we didn't even realise and it was awful. For me the pain of facing what was going on underneath the surface and working through it was worth it. She also thinks things are a lot lot better now.
For her, me saying the massive improvements in our relationship are worth the pain of the emotional affair makes her feel like I don't care, don't understand her, dont know how painful it was for her, and I could have an affair again.
I'm probably ten times happier with our marriage than I was a bout 2 years ago. I have no intention of having an affair. I'm 100% for our marriage working and getting even better.
So she's asked me to try and understand how painful it is to experience an affair. If people feel okay to share, it would help me if you can explain to me how it feels when your partner has an affair?