FWH started his A about a year ago, and ended it when I confronted him in September. I hate him so much and the children can feel it, even if we don't talk about it.
I don't know your whole story so I apologize if I ask the "obvious".
After you confronted you H. about the A did the two of you go for any counseling?
My children are going to be devastated and their world is about to change forever.
I hate him so much and the children can feel it, even if we don't talk about it.
How much do the children know about what has been going on? Have you mentioned the possibility of divorce to them? It might devestate your children, but as you've noted, they can feel the hostility. It doesn't sound like the hostility is lessening any...in fact it's worse. (What are the ages of your children?)
I've got so much to share and ask about, but right now, I'm just exhausted. I'm trying to decide if I should go back on ADs during this whole process. I want to be there for the kids, but I'm feeling wrung out from all the conflict. I don't want to go on ADs if my H is going to use it to present me as mentally unstable in a custody battle
This is a possibility. But if you fall apart when meds could have helped, that could be used against you. You'd at least be showing that you were doing all you could to take good care of yourself so you could be there for the children.
This is such a difficult place to be in your decision making. There are so many unknowns. The "knowns" are pretty bad, but you kind of know what to expect. It sounds like you're all going down, however, if things remain the same.