I'm officially filing on Tuesday, but I told my H several weeks ago that I was done supporting him, and he needed to move out. He has pretty much not talked to me since, but made no efforts to get a job or move. He is a full time student and even has a workstudy job where he could earn $300 a month, but he won't do it. So, how do I get him to move out? It's very tense around here.
You really should consult the attorney handling your divorce on that one.
If he owns the house too, you really can't get him to move out unless he's been abusive towards you.
Pack his bags, deliver them to him at school, and change the locks on the doors.
Sheesh Anna, you gotta attract different nuts! Try a coconut next time!
Jan
I know Jan...........being a single mom is really sounding good now. He sat and watched me dig my garden today, then enjoyed the brats I paid for and cooked on the grill.... all while unhappily smoking his pipe and complaining about being unappreciated.
Seriously, no more LTR until the kids are out of school, I've had it.
Is his name on the property?
You've told him in the past you'd leave or he had to leave. Nothing happened. Does he believe you? I'm so sick of these dime a dozen punk men. I call this abuse in itself, your supporting some loser who's basically taunting you as you pay his bills. It's time we women stand up for ourselves and demand respect. Oh yeah, he's a "victim" underappreciated, guys like this all say the same thing. It's not that bad, poor me, look at what I do for you - he didn't come up with this. Get an attorney and figure out how to get him out of your life as he's just waiting for you to back down as you've done in the past. You can do what my girlfriend did, pack bags, dump his stuff on the lawn and tell him to get the blank out of your life. But be careful, leaving a man who's abusive can lead to violence. Protect yourself, get some counseling and legal advice.
Cinderella, yes his name is on the property. Even tho I used my entire year of back child support as down payment, instead of catching up on my credit cards which I'm now being taken to court for. Now he's threatened to force me to sell so he can get half the money.
Tonite he said that God wasn't allowing him to get a job to teach me a lesson in not wanting material things. Well, that takes the cake!
Well, having him on the property does complicate things.....
What was it Paul said about those who work and don't work....(2 Thess 3:10). Oh, and Proverbs would say a lot about that issue, also. Oh, and the master who gave his servants the talents....what were they to do? Which ones were blessed? Who does God help - those who _ _ _ _.
And, your demands are feeding into him not wanting to work.
Have you looked up passive/agressive people on the internet?
It may help you understand him. But I don't know how to change him.
Anna,
Suggestion, put the place up for sale, take back your child support, and give him half - buy a new place for you and the kids, and go for the gold. Let him figure out how to get his own place.
Leave the animals for him to take care of. He'll soon find a different way of life, because he can't afford them.
Jan
Update:
He rented a place in the town where he goes to school and is slooooooooowly moving out. Now he is furious with me because I won't loan him my pickup any more to move (he had it for 2 days). Anytime I say "no" to him he tries to bully me into giving in.......I'm really considering a restraining order; which my attorney advised me to do.
YAY! he is OUT! What a hurdle you have jumped!
1. Now dont give him any money
2. Let his girlfriends at school help him move
3. TAke back the vehical
4. Get a RO if you need one
I bet the kids are happier without that husband still living there with you abusing you all. Keep stong ANNA!
another update: he put a lock on the barn so we can't get into it. there is a duck, 4 rabbits, and 2 cats in there; but I can't get in to feed them.....so I guess he plans to keep coming back and doing it???? Also, all my tools are in there and I need them. He took things that weren't his when he moved; and there's still a bunch of his stuff here. I am so frustrated!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried to call my attorney, but his office was closed this afternoon. NOw what do I do, I need to check on the animals!
i'd call the police. that is endangering the lives of those animals. they can escort your h back to the house to unlock the locks and check on them and feed them. also, make sure he brings back what was not his that he took. YOU SHOULD BE THERE WHEN HE IS MOVING HIS THINGS SO HE DOES NOT TAKE YOUR THINGS! i packed up my exes stuff myself so all he had to do was take the boxes. he did take some of my dvds and i made them give them back pronto.
mlhb
BORROW A BOLTCUTTER, IT GOES THRU A PADLOCK LIKE NOTHING. OR CALL THE POLICE TO HAVE THE LOCK CUT SO YOU CAN FEED THE ANIMALS.
HE IS A REAL ANIMAL, THAT MAN. WORSE THAN AN ANIMAL. CRUEL.
I think you need to put your own lock on there yourself so he cannot get into the barn. Words can not describe how I feel about your husband. I am very angry at him and upset that the animals might go hungry.
The animals will not starve to death tonight and you can likely do without your tools until tomorrow. If you know when the lock went on, wait 24 hours and if he doesn't show call the humane society and the police and tell both that you have called the other. If no one acts within another 24 hours, take an axe to the barn door.
Your husband brings jerkhood to new heights.
How did he get money to rent a place in town?
Anytime I say "no" to him he tries to bully me into giving in.......I'm really considering a restraining order; which my attorney advised me to do.
What exactly does “bully” mean?
Depending upon what state you live in determines legality, but if you FEEL physically threatened then a restraining order is the only way to go. Be careful going down this track and only go there if you feel you need to.
Now he is furious with me because I won't loan him my pickup any more to move (he had it for 2 days).
Two points –
1. If his name in on the title then he is entitled to use the truck…..unless,
2. You have a legal separation agreement that remands the truck to you.
Consult your attorney on this right away.
he put a lock on the barn so we can't get into it. there is a duck, 4 rabbits, and 2 cats in there; but I can't get in to feed them
Since you are still on the property (technically in possession of the property) then remove the lock. Take photo’s of the exterior & interior and share them with your attorney. Cite “humane rationale” and offer to replace the lock at your expense, if necessary. (Brownie points down the road with the judge).
Anna, I’m concerned about what I’m hearing here. Do you have anyone who can stay with you for a while (A father, brother, etc.)?
And on behalf of all the men in the world I’d like to apologize for the crap you’re going through. Guys like this give the rest of us a bad name.
Even if you had to pay his first months rent it is worth it to get rid of him. I would not pay next months rent for him however!!!!
Been a busy week, but here's the update and answer to questions:
*He did come over the next day and give me a key; said he was mad at me the day before and so didn't leave one.
*He got the money by cutting up scrap steel from junk in the ravine behind the barn; made $600 by bringing in 3 trailerfulls. Fine with me.....cleaned up the place and he got money, I would have had to pay someone to remove it. Rent on his new apartment is only $250/mo.
*He's got a job, so he's working 8 to 5 daily, haven't really seen him all week.
So, things are going pretty smoothly for the time being, thanks for all the thoughts and prayers!