One week since last straw.... - 09/20/08 11:01 AM
(Note : this is repost from General 2 - got some good advice but want as much input as possible - Ta)
Hello all, I'm new to site but sooo lucky I found it. I at least have some smidgen of hope.
I'm 37, W36, married 11 years, 2 girls 8 and 11.Last week today I had another tantrum / outburst and afer I returned she told me she wanted to leave me and didn't love me anymore. I love my wife and will do anything to keep my family together.
I spent two days in furious panic trying appologise, and to plead with her to give me a chance to fix things that were making her unhappy but she had closed herself off. Since then I have scoured the internet looking for resources to help me and found MB.
Since that point I have calmed down and focussed on the hope that removing the LB and doing anything that feeds her EN might one day give me a chance to be a better husband and father.
Why has this happened? OMG why didn't take the signs seriously. I have slowly eroded her love for me to nothing through my abusive anger and not spending enough time with her or my girls, mainly lost in computer game addiction. While this has been a constant battlefield of contention I felt justified in negotiating my free time as my own and ignoring her critisism of my use. While I always stated that if i had to choose I would choose her and the girls, I didn't think it should be necessary to choose. I was blind.
Most of my tantrums have been as result of rejected / delayed advances to her for intimacy - something that obviousy fed from her unhappiness and my not looking after her needs.
We are still in house sleeping seperatley, the house has been on market for some time so that will be the point of seperation.
I have ordered two of Dr Harley's books and suprisingly my wife has agreed to read some print outs of the basic concepts etc. I presented them to her two days ago with a letter expressing my best understanding of how I have failed her and the girls. It didn't soften her approach - as far as she is concerned she is not changing her mind.
Yesterday was first day I have really broken down and cried as I started to feel there was no hope. My goal is to try and get some kind of break thru of at least willing to try to save marriage before the house sells.
How should I behave each day? Should I try to engage her - leave her alone altogether? Should I try and be happy around her - should I offer to move out? I want to just go to her and hold her.
Thankyou for reading my post and the mess I've created.
Hello all, I'm new to site but sooo lucky I found it. I at least have some smidgen of hope.
I'm 37, W36, married 11 years, 2 girls 8 and 11.Last week today I had another tantrum / outburst and afer I returned she told me she wanted to leave me and didn't love me anymore. I love my wife and will do anything to keep my family together.
I spent two days in furious panic trying appologise, and to plead with her to give me a chance to fix things that were making her unhappy but she had closed herself off. Since then I have scoured the internet looking for resources to help me and found MB.
Since that point I have calmed down and focussed on the hope that removing the LB and doing anything that feeds her EN might one day give me a chance to be a better husband and father.
Why has this happened? OMG why didn't take the signs seriously. I have slowly eroded her love for me to nothing through my abusive anger and not spending enough time with her or my girls, mainly lost in computer game addiction. While this has been a constant battlefield of contention I felt justified in negotiating my free time as my own and ignoring her critisism of my use. While I always stated that if i had to choose I would choose her and the girls, I didn't think it should be necessary to choose. I was blind.
Most of my tantrums have been as result of rejected / delayed advances to her for intimacy - something that obviousy fed from her unhappiness and my not looking after her needs.
We are still in house sleeping seperatley, the house has been on market for some time so that will be the point of seperation.
I have ordered two of Dr Harley's books and suprisingly my wife has agreed to read some print outs of the basic concepts etc. I presented them to her two days ago with a letter expressing my best understanding of how I have failed her and the girls. It didn't soften her approach - as far as she is concerned she is not changing her mind.
Yesterday was first day I have really broken down and cried as I started to feel there was no hope. My goal is to try and get some kind of break thru of at least willing to try to save marriage before the house sells.
How should I behave each day? Should I try to engage her - leave her alone altogether? Should I try and be happy around her - should I offer to move out? I want to just go to her and hold her.
Thankyou for reading my post and the mess I've created.