Well its came down to it. A separation. I have agreed to move out on a temporary separation trial basis. Just telling the kids I have a job out of town. I have tried everything to keep this M together. I cant get her to read anything, talk to anyone or even DO anything. My EN's have not been met for so long now. I have been failing at meeting hers as of late as well. Im sure there isnt another EA going on as my snooping ability's are all in place and high tech. (unless its in her secured workplace). Its almost like there is tho with all the babble. Regardless if that's what it is and what she wants I cant stop it, it seems. Her heart is hardened towards me.
For me I have gotten closer to God and leaned on faith. Right now all I know to do is to trust in him to see me through this and maybe open her heart.
Legally I have handled all of this to cover myself.SC laws are covered.
Guess Im too old school. I believe in my vows, I believe in family and I believe in commitment being more than "as long as I feel good and I am happy"
But a part of me also wants a fulfilling M and that hasnt been for a long long time.

I would seriously reconsider moving out. That will only hurt you when a judge is considering your custody arrangement. If you two can't live in the same house, try to get your STBXW to move out. You are much more likely to get more time if it looks like the mother is abandoning the children.

I know that many times people tell men not to leave their homes, and it holds true here too.

I don't know that we are going to change your mind on that, so I have to ask, are you going into Plan B then?

SC Law is unique in a way. If I take an "Extended Vacation" Its ok to come back to my home at any time. Nothing she can file or do to stop me. I have asked her several times if she wanted a separation to move out as I wont be the one to destroy my family OR to compromise my faith. She hasn't. So Im going to leave for 7-10 days and come back as I wish. Plan B doesn't work for me unless I wanted to completely abandon my kids and my beleifs. NOPE. Wish I could do Plan B! Im hoping she will see that not having me around will be more difficult than she thought emotionally as well as in what I do around the home and with the kids.We will see I just know she has been and still is withdrawing after her initial "Hyper Bond" when I caught her AGAIN. And the Hyper Bond wasn't even that strong. She simply refuses to work on the M with any plan or direction. Refuses to meet my needs as well. NO POJA No PORH and I will not continue living this way.
I have got to try something besides what I feel is being a doormat at this point. I have been in a decent plan A for 8 months now. I wont wake up 10-15 years from now wishing I had a caring,loving spouse. But my faith is strong. I have to make her do 1 of 3 things. Another A but a PA this time or abandon me. Or agree to marital recovery.
So I guess when I say Im separating that is a poor choice of words. I am actually just getting out of Dodge for a few and let her see what a separation would look like. My Attorney has told me that its fine as long as Its short term. No repercussions.
Im open to more suggestions tho. For now I am being an Angel. Ill be caring and loving from afar. But its wearing on me Emotionally as well as Physically now. I can see it and feel it. If this woman wont work on the M I cant do it all by myself. Maybe Plan FU is in order but my religious beliefs force me to make her be the one to give me the reason for a D. ARGH!

You are wrong to move out.

TR Im not moving out. I am on vacation. I will be headed home Wednesday for an extended foot planting. I'm not going to leave as I stated above. I just needed a break I guess. Im so tired of hearing "I want a separation" "I dont have those feeling for you" We have lost the spark. Filling her EN's have gotten me nowhere but here. How do you preserver in a M that only one will try at??? ANY suggestions on anything???

I see lots of signs in your postings that you are trying to get her to change. You will die in the attempt. You can only change yourself, not her.

The most important thing you can do is eliminate your LBs (listen to her, she will have told you what these are). Also, you keep saying that you are committed to the marriage so stop worrying about her meeting your ENs and focus only on meeting hers. That is why you must stay and not go, so that you can show her this every day. Nobody can resist an outpouring of love like that for very long.

Don't worry about the spark for the moment. It will return if you do everything right.

Yep I have been trying to get her to change. I have came to the same conclusion. Im dying in this attempt.
I agree the program works sometimes when its diligently applied to a spouse.But in my case it doesn't seem to be at all.
How could I plan B her with so much at stake with custody issues? I just cant see it working without me getting the shaft. This small vacation is only a modification of the Plan B. Cant do it long without opening up to liability's if family court.
The good news is that my battery's seem to be getting recharged with some time away from her and the conflict Now Im off to the beach for a read.

I would not let my XWH meet my ENs because there were too many LBs. I am guessing that you have some ingrained old LBs in there.

Now is the time to think what they might be.

I suggest you read Boundaries (non MB material). I am not overly devout, but I believe in God. The idea of marriage, or any relationship, is not "give in, until the other party wrongs you physically, abandons you, or commits to you". To be frank, your WW did commit to you when she said "I do"; then broke that commitment with an EA (or 3?). That sounds like "abandoned" to me. God asks us to love those around us, but not at the expense of love for Him and ourselves.

As for your vacation getting her to see what life is like without you. Pipe dream. 10 days is nothing. Especially while you continue to pay all the bills. My marriage "survived" on temporary duty assignments and a deployment. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" only works for so long.

I will concede the need to just get away sometimes. I did so myself, to the tune of 3 days.

I hope you find peace in your life.

EDIT:
Boundaries is not a Marriage Builders book, nor have I seen it endorsed by MB. But, it has been recommened widely around here, and I think it works very well WITH the MB material. If a MOD wishes to remove my reference, I completely understand.

If your wife is dead set on separation, there are a couple of ways to go about it. Before you do anything, you should get some legal advice. State law varies greatly. In some states, you can protect yourself by getting her to sign and notarize a statement that she recognizes you left at her behest and against your will and that you do not reliquish your parental rights and responsibilities. Then, you may be able to do a plan B.

Plan B is risky. In my case, Steve Harley recommended against a true Plan B with no contact.

*edit*

Green, wont work in our state per my Atty. Oh well Im back home anyhow and have reaffirmed "Im not going anywhere" and if you want a separation there is the door. Now if somebody has some magic get your head out your azzz balm please send it immediately
You know after 3 EA's, her lack of accepting a new way to run our M countless times and now her more or less independent lifestyle its getting easier and easier to let it go. I have tormented myself to emotional H3ll. I have taken blame that wasn't mine and ALL that was mine. I have been trying to live a better life as a better person. I have reborn myself in Christ. I quit all my bad habits almost. And now Im just getting ANGRY!
The thoughts of what the effects of a D is on children sickens my stomach. Not to mention what Im sure to be more emotional devastation to my own soul. But really what do I have now? A loveless, sexless non fulfilling room mate. There has to be something better than this. I am so torn between what is selflessness and the selfishness of a non biblical grounds of a D. I dont want my children to remember ME as the one that left and gave up. I dont want any of this ugly mess.

Thought i would end this tale and say thank you to all that helped me over the 6 years I was in and out of this forum. I am divorced. We could never recover.Especially after 3x EA. I tried all the way to the end. Which unfortunately was November 2013.
Now I have joint custody and a new outlook on life. If nothing else Im prepared for a new tomorrow from all the knowledge. Thanks guys. Sometimes it cant be saved. It takes 2 and if your partner in in and out...it may not can be.

Good to hear that you have a new outlook on life .

I do not remember your story.

Though I will assume that you fought the good fight. So hold up your head.