Hi,

So, WH has filed for D as a complete reaction to my exposure of him. We are a military family, and I informed the first shirt of his infidelity. Come to find out, just days later (really, not even 1 week), he hired a divorce attorney and filed paperwork.

We have a DD, age 4, and this is killing me. She should not be going through this, well, none of us should.

I found out very recently that due to my exposure, WH is being punished, and has had a reduction in rank. The OW, which was also a military member, is getting kicked out of the military. She is the lesser ranking individual, but, due to her getting in trouble for adultery a second time (yep! another family divorced and she was the OW...just LAST YEAR) they are letting her go.

I absolutely hate that my WH had a complete knee-jerk reaction, but then again, I can't say I am surprised, just upset, because I obviously want my marriage to work out and survive all of this.

I have my own lawyer working with me through this. However, where in the world do I go with this now? It sucks when your chirstmas present this year ends up being divorce papers.

The divorce is NOT due to the exposure of the affair.
It is due to the affair itself.

His reaction is not that you exposed what he had been doing BUT a reaction to the outfall of what he had been doing itself.

You may wind up divorced but you will not wind up divorced because of trying to save your marriage with exposing the truth of the situation. It will be because your H is messed up. He risked his marriage, family, career, etc. He did it. Him.

You did the right thing Erika.

Sure he is angry. He is lashing out at YOU but the fact is that HE committed the sin and (by military standards) the crime of adultery and now he is paying the price. He doesn't want to face that fact....that HE caused it....so he filed for divorce to distract himself from owning his part in this....by filing for divorce he can focus on that evil Erika who RUINED MY LIFE!!!! Waaaahhh.

Consequences.

He will either come out of the fog and come to you with hat in hand asking what he can do to make it up to you, OR he won't.

You have a plan for both of the possibilities right? So stick to your plan and don't worry about all his half cocked blustering because he is all angry that you exposed his activities.

((Erika))). I know it is rough. I know you don't want a divorce. I know you want him to come to his senses. He may. Or may not. Either way it WILL get better. I promise.

edited by opt

If your husband wanted to reconcile, not exposure, nothing would stop him. He is just using that as an excuse. Dr Harley addressed this on yesterdays radio show. He said if exposure supposedly killed your marriage, it was already too far gone and you weren't going to reconcile anyway.

Your husband had a reduction in rank due to his AFFAIR and for no other reason. It is not your fault he had an affair. Your H apparently hasn't manned up and taken responsibility for his own actions. Much easier to blame his victim.

So I am sorry if you do end up divorced [just filing for divorce does not mean a marriage is over] but it is not because of exposure. It is because of his affair.

Agree totally with ML
It is not exposure, It is whats left of his conscience. Which is obviously not much.
My wife started the D process in sept. and just yesterday said I cannot imagine life without you???? Everything they say and do is nonsense when they are in the fog.
You just cant believe anything they say. Follow your plan. No one knows where life goes or who will deciede what, only where we have been and what we have endured. You are not to blame for his actions.

ML - What time did Dr. Harley say this in yesterday's radio broadcast, I don't remember hearing it?

99% of those waywards exposed go down the divorce path i.e. they either file or threaten it for a long time. They have the anger, venom, and rage concerning exposure.

When is it the affair fog and when is it the pre-A marriage?

VERY FEW threaten divorce and even those that do, don't do it for long. IT typically blows over in a couple of days. I would say about 50% of the marriages that use exposure end up in recovery, usually because of exposure. About 99% that don't expose, end up in divorce. It is the rare exception that ends up divorced and it is NEVER because of exposure. Exposure would never stop a WS who wanted to reconcile.

He did almost an entire show on exposure and I thought it was yesterday.


I don't know what this means.

I think it was the first thing...GJMs question....but it was for sure yesterday. I listened to it.

Exposure doesn't cause the divorce. If they divorce, then they would have divorced regardless.

Erika,

First of all, prayers to you for strength and grace. I echo what the others have said: exposure was the right thing to do and you should have a plan based on MB principles ready to employ. I'm sorry you're experiencing this torment. God is with you.

I exposed my WW's affair and she is still angry with me. Not my problem. She's in a fog and divorce paper are in process in spite of my best efforts to reconcile. I have absolutely no regrets for exposing the affair. I believe it was my best chance to save my marriage. If we wind up divorced, at least I know I did my best to save the marriage by following researched-based tactics that have saved thousands of marriages.

The richter scale of emotions is going crazy in you right now. Be prayerful, get support from wise people (including those here), and follow the MB principles. They won't fail you...even if your husband does.

God bless you!

Hi, Erika.

Since you don't want the divorce, you should tell your lawyer you want to stall and drag this out as long as possible. Time is on your side now.

I'd also see what kind of support the military can give you. I know they have conselors available, and maybe some other wives can offer support. If nothing else, the other wives owe you a debt of gratitude for getting the OW removed. She was a menace.

Hi again and thanks for all of your responses.

To answer a few things:
Im still in Plan B, and getting things together for DD and I.

I do have a counselor that supports MB principles that is helping me through this.

My lawyer and I are going to drag this thing out as long as I can.

Thanks, Opt. I needed to see that, I keep thinking incorrectly.
Its just when he basically ran to the lawyers office, and it was right after he found out about the investigation, I began to think like this. Not anymore. Thank you.

Ok, this is more of a vent, and it has to do with my mil:

I was just talking to her 2 days ago over the phone about WH and I divorcing and the punishment that he is now facing due to his choice to have an affair. I was blunt and told her that this is all a very stupid reason for a family to break apart. I also let her know that I actually do want this marriage, and I also want my family in tact.

MIL said to me, "well, didn't you already have issues in your marriage before all of this happened?" Well, yes, there were a few issues, but nothing that wasn't solvable, and I told her that. I also asked her how she felt about my decision to inform WHs first shirt of his infidelity. She tells me "I can't say if what you did was right or wrong, because I am not living this the way you are living this". I am on the other line thinking to myself what happened to the woman that I have known to always stand up for the right thing, no matter what?

I feel like I am experiencing some great divide. I have always, truly had an excellent relationship with her. Its just that now that WH and I are going through this, she seems to be beating all around the bush and not telling me her true feelings. I am starting to really believe that she does not want us to be married anymore. I also feel that she doesn't fully support my decision for exposure, and respect the details of that either. In order to complete my exposure, I had to bring some very nasty things to light about OW, which in turn cast such an ugly, ugly, shadow on WH, but I had to do this. As a matter of fact, I think I am helping to save several people out there who would otherwise make a really bad choice and get horribly affected by it later.

Wow. End of vent. Thanks for letting me get that one out.

Erika,

It sure sounds like you've got your act together and will rise through it. I want you to write out what you expect from your WH when he approaches you to reconcile. The day may come and it should be well thought out, you will need to be ready for that.

Like full access to his phone and computer, a commitment to MB principles, counseling ect.

Merry Christmas

SC

Just to give you a little contrast effect Erika....My D-day was a year and 7 months ago. My MIL....and she was my MIL for 25 years at D-Day....26 years before the divorce was final....and I am the mother of her only grandson...one of only 2 grandchildren....hasn't made ONE. Single. call to me. Not one.

I think for a MIL....yours sounds about average. Maybe even a little above average.

Hi Erika, I followed your thread over in SAA.

I tend to think of a wayward's response to exposure like a kid having a temper tantrum. Some rant, spew nasty words, pretty much stamp their feet that someone has caught them out in a lie and told the world about it. Kids don't always like consequences at the time, but they need them to develop into an emotionally healthy adult.

My WH threatened divorce after exposure, but likely found out in our country he can't file yet. Your WH running to file so soon after exposure is simply part of the tantrum. Whether or not he follows through remains to be seen. Whether or not our WH's can become emotionally mature and healthy adults remains to be seen. We have done our best to set the example.

Hugs Erika. I hope you have plans for a festive and loving Christmas.

As for MIL, if she contacts again, maybe point out that divorce is unlikely to make anyone involved happy in the long term. Custody disputes and access agreements are not as nice as an intact and happy family.

I'm unsure of your arrangements over Christmas in regards to visitation, but this may hit home at this time of year.

Merry Christmas to you as well.

As far as reconcilition, I want the same things everyone else needs: transparency. This is at the top of my list, as long as following MB principles. To be honest, I have no earthly idea how I would take his approach to reconciliation. I want this of course, and obviously WH will come to me. That will shock me for sure.

I sometimes feel as if I just need a good cry, and most other days I am just fine. These cry days are getting fewer and fewer, and further in between, thank God.

Smilingwoman...
so, above average? Lol is that supposed to make me feel better or worse?

Geeze, I am learning way more than I thought, but its okay.
Sorry your MIL reacted that way.

Carcal-
Yes, I see that the reaction is part of the tantrum. A really ugly one at that as well.

All things considered, I will have a Merry Christmas, and I hope that all of you do the same.

LOL. Yes, above average. I honestly didn't think your MILs response was that unreasonable.

Don't be sorry about my MIL. One of the best parts of being divorced from her son is that I never have to deal with her again.

My in-laws said they didn't "want to take sides." This was after H's first infidelity; sadly no MB for me in those days--never heard of it before last year.

The unbelievable thing is that people often think they're for or against the WS or the BS. And really, it's not about that at all. It's about being on the side of "righteousness."

The whole thing was white-washed, because supposedly, both of us were at fault in their eyes.

I will always take the stand for righteousness. No fence-sitting for me!

If only people understood that in the long run, it's really better for both H & W if the adultery ends and the marriage recovers.

You did right, Erika. Your in-laws don't realize the harm they are doing by not standing up for marriage.

Erika,

On behalf of other military families, thank you for your exposure of your H's and OW's affair. I am glad to hear that the military separated the OW and she cannot ruin yet another family. In my case, the OW's previous affair with a two-star general was not exposed by OWH. A few months after that affair ended, OW "set her sights" on my H and he slid down the slippery slope into his A with her. I certainly wish the OWH's had your courage. You did the right thing and I thank you.

My H and I have recovered our marriage. However, two years ago, my MIL supported my H in contacting the OW via MIL phone and computer. MIL wanted her son, my H, to do whatever would make him happy. We no longer interact with MIL. Her loss.

AM

Hi Erika,
Just wanted to add that my IL's reaction was much the same. Initially, MIL supported me and told me they would support our marriage first. THEN, FIL started all this "but OC is our grandson" crap.

Then FIL came to my house while I was out of town, he and POS picked up OC and then they agreed to lie to me about it.

That's when I knew my place and that I was DONE WITH THEM. They stood by and watched my 14 year marriage fall apart right before their eyes, all for the sake of the OC.

And, I loved them like my own parents and thought they loved me the same. But I've most definitely learned that blood is thicker than water. ALWAYS.

P.S. I did not expose b/c I believed POS when he said it was a ONS. BIG FREAKIN LIE that wasted 2.5 years of my life that I thought was recovery. You did the right thing to expose. I didn't and am now D.

Best wishes to you!

LWFH-
You are absolutely right, it is about being on the side of righteousness, which has nothing to do with the BS or WS, but rather with what is truly the right thing. A family that stays together is ultimately the best thing for all concerned.

Armymama-
Thanks, but really I have to give it up to God. I literally had no peace and was pushed until I made that decision. I know that this will be used for the glory of God in the end, although it surely does not look like it now.
(I too am very happy that OW will not be able to hurt another family as a military member, btw) I am glad that you and your H are recovered.

Migs-
Regarding my MIL, I have decided that her place in all of this is actually really small, if not almost non-existent. Some of the things she actually said to me I cannot believe. She told me that if OW and my WH had a child that she would fight for custody. I flat out told her to her face that me and my child would not be coming over to her house if that ever happened.
I am not trying to bash my MIL, I really do love and respect her, but doggone, the things I have learned! Blood truly is thicker than water!

I am in Plan B (or D, I guess). I have the same concern that many other BSs have. I know full well right now that there is nothing I can do to save my marriage.

This is the hardest thing I have ever been through--completely trusting God to restore. My issue is that I have a terrible fear that the D will actually go through, and I do not have much time until that happens (late Feb/early March)

Any advice? Words of encouragement? I feel like I can't do anything, and I am fearful the divorce will be finalized.

I have taken the attitude that God is going to fix this, but it is hard because I do not understand or know how that is supposed to happen. I know that right now, I am going through some growing pains, how am I to truly trust God when all seems like it is dead? There are times that I am quiet and can remain, other times, I stress so much and worry, worry, worry.

What in the world am I to do in the meantime? I have serious doubts, especially since the D will be final so soon.

Getting divorced is not the end of the world.

I was afraid of change...afraid that I would be sad and lonely for the rest of my life. Well, I'm lonely sometimes, but I can handle it. And I'm not sad. It's very freeing to be out of a bad marriage. It's freeing to know that I can lean on God and He will care for me.

Have you looked into DivorceCare? It's been very helpful for me.

Erika, I felt exactly like you. I really don't mean to discourage you by what I say but during our whole separation/divorce process I felt God would stop it.

Well, He didn't and I'm now divorced. I don't think he made no attempts. The problem lies with the one who is not receptive to what God is trying to do.

I only told you this because you sound so much like me. I was confident that WW would come to her senses but she didn't. In my case, she had no motivation to with all the support she gets. I don't know about your wh so I can't say.

Know this, though. God does have a plan. If His plan is for you and your husband to be together, even your divorce can't stop that. For you two to have the marriage you should have, you have to go through some changes and so does he.

P.S.
I've been having a rough day and just writing these words to.you have helped me.

Kirby-
Oh, I know...divorce is not the end of the world. It just feels like it sometimes when you are going through it.

Mark-
I do know that WH has to be receptive...and I am feeling like he just won't be, which is why I have doubts.

I know in order for our marriage to be what it needs to be, there are going to be some growing pains. I am going through that right now.

I am still believing in restoration. I have to give it all up to God, or else I would lose my mind.

Erica, even though I'm divorced now, I still believe in restoration, too. But in order for restoration to take place, our waywards relationships with God MUST be restored first.

Without that reconciliation/restoration is almost impossible. There has to be repentance and Godly remorse. Again, these are things WE cannot control.

In the meantime, you and I both, as well as all the others who may have a desire to reconcile with their wayward spouse, have to do only what we can. We can gain a deeper relationship with God, examine and commit to changing ourselves, learn what it really means to be.a.good wife/husband, etc. We can only control ourselves.

I think it is dangerous to have an idea such as 'God is going to fix this'. Our promises from God are that he will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear but will make 'a way out for us'. Sometimes that way out is that you just don't want your wayward spouse back. I suffered for years trying to salvage a bad marriage, but at some point I let go and after that, although I had bad days going through the divorce, I really feel better than I felt since I met my now XH when I was 15!

Like Kirby I feel free.

(((Erika)))

Erika - This is were patience and perseverance need to be prayed about incessantly.

You may be divorced, but that doesn't mean reconciliation isn't possible. The issue is to give your WH two years from D-Day. Two years is a long time. In that time you need to be focusing on you and only you.

Your WH is just mad. His divorce is due to him being mad. His divorce is due to him getting caught.

As someone who knows him well, and who loves and cares for him, speaking and having the truth out there is how you show him that love. You may be the only one who is willing to stand up and speak the truth to him. This is very loving and very kind.

Remember he is acting like an angry teenager who is mad his mommy (you) because you aren't letting him date the town tramp. What do angry teenagers do when they are mad at being held accountable?

Run away from home
Drink alcohol
Complain to their loser friends
Hate and rage at their parents
Avoid their parents at all costs (Isolate themselves)

That is all he is doing. He won't get far and his life will be much worse.

You cannot control the divorce, but you can control your life.

The hardest part about standing for your marriage is the moment when you want to give up. You have two choices then

1) Give up
2) Persevere

It is in that moment when you have to call upon your faith to give you strength, carry you through the pain, and help you to let go of control.

God is working on your husband's side of the fence. We don't know what he is doing. You have to believe ...

There are posters on your thread who are happy about divorce. Don't let that discourage you. You will know when you are done.

I certainly hope you are not talking about me. I am not 'happy' about my divorce. I was married for 26 years and I tried everything to save that marriage. You are correct that Erika will know when she is done. I was just pointing out to her (as was Kirby) that Erika can be happy again EVEN IF her marriage is not salvagable.

Erika my post was not meant to discourage you from hoping your WH comes to his senses (if that is what you want). But rather to encourage you that you can survive and thrive either way.

I agree with SW whole-heartedly.

In a perfect world, I would have a good marriage with my former husband and our children would have had the security of growing up in a happy family. Sadly, it's not a perfect world.

SW and I were just trying to point out that it's possible to survive despite getting divorced. It's possible to have a good life anyway.

Just making this right .....

Regarding other posters who have moved on: I would give anything to salvage my marriage, and I will never accept the break up of our family. However, when the other party wants out and refuses to honor his or her vows, one has to come to terms with that fact. Fight the fight for as long there is a pulse in the marriage. If the fight is lost, take heart in having fought valiantly and with great determination. Divorce doesn't have to make us martyrs. There is still life: life for the kids, life for ourselves. We mourn; we grieve; we suffer. But it passes and we enter into a new chapter of life. Maybe not the chapter we choose to author, but we still have the pen in our hands. For those who are there, I say write a best seller.

It can be difficult to hear about divorce and it being the right choice when you are standing for your marriage.

Erika and I have talked about this before. She and I have discussed how the world gives up on those who stand for their marriage regardless if the WH is a nasty, lowlife, POS. There are thousands of stories when the WH repents and becomes remorseful in the 11th hour of divorce.

Standing for your marriage is difficult when the world comes at you with divorce. Yes there is life after divorce. Erika wants to stand for her marriage, so it is important to walk with her through Plan B while getting divorced but still supporting her choice to stand for her marriage.

I was encouraging Erika to keep standing for her marriage even though there are divorce stories that are successes. Which are both positive in themselves. The OP wants to save her marriage, and so I support her 100% with that choice today.

The goal of Plan B is to make a great life for yourself. There is also the goal of standing for your marriage. Erika would like support in doing that even though her WH filed for divorce.

There is a host of fighters that fought hard and saved their marriages, see my SIGLINE for those stories. Reading those successes Erika can give you hope and inspiration in these trying times.

Remember God is working on your WH's side of the fence. Pray incessantly for him, pray incessantly for your marriage, and pray incessantly for his soul.

Erika,
I felt impelled.to tell you that I, too, am a stander. I have the "Stander's Affirmation" tacked to the door of my bedroom. I will tell you it has been something others have tried to persuade me to give up and its the absolute hardest thing I've ever had to do.

In light of my divorce being final, I have thought of giving up. I have thought that since God didn't stop the divorce, we (WxW & me) may not be as meant to be as I thought we were. I've thought about all the opportunities I've had prior to the finalization and whether or not I should act.

One thing has remained intact throughout it all, my faith. It has actually grown more throughout this ordeal. I still believe God is able to restore our marriage. I still am committed to standing even though I'm now divorced (although yesterday, I almost gave up).

Neither you, me or anyone else knows what the future holds. We don't know what Gods ultimate plan is for us. We don't know for sure that our spouses will ever desire to be with us again, but if we knew, it wouldn't be faith.

GOD BLESS YOU AND KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT ALONE....

Divorce is not the end. We have at least one member here that I know about who divorced and then reconciled later.

Look at what you've posted, erika. You're completely trusting God to 'restore' your marriage. Have you ever considered that restoring your marriage is not in His Plans for you? Have you considered that God IS 'fixing this'?

Sweetie, I know you want your husband back. I know how much you are hurting. But the truth of the matter is that this is out of your hands now. God's got the wheel. Let Him drive and stop giving Him directions. He knows where He's going.

If you can stop trying to control this outcome and let God do what He needs to do I think you'll experience less stress.

I know that some of you were only trying to help me see that divorce is not the end and that I will thrive and be okay.

The deal is, ever since I got the D papers in the mail, I feel like I have been back-tracking...losing some of the progress I have made in my personal R so far. I find myself angry, depressed, and just wanting this crazy ride to stop! Before, I was doing fine, making progress steadily. It is this D that is taking its toll on me. I am going back to having more frequent ups and downs regarding all of this.

Thank you...this wasn't easy to hear. Actually, I was brought to tears.

I go back and forth between things. Some days, I am like I was when I posted earlier...completely drained and wondering "why" and all of that, and grieving over my dreams for what I thought was going to be my future.

On the other hand, I know the reality, but I still want to stand for my marriage. However, I will not lie, not being married to WH will be freeing, and I will make moves to better things for myself and begin to pursue my own goals.

Its just a whole lot of back and forth.

Welcome to the Teeter Totter Club, Erika!

Hang in there.

Peace.

Hugs to you Erika. I am following this thread as I prepare myself for a divorce not of my choosing. There is something that stands out about you.. you will make it. You will thrive.

And the other poster's response to this thread. I have to say it.. WOW. So many posts have really struck a chord with me. All of your words give strength. Those still fighting, and those who have accepted they fought with determination but it wasn't meant to be. You have all thrived regardless. Thank-you.

Come here and let me give you a hug

You are stronger than you know, erika. Hang in there and stay with us. We'll help you all we can.

Erica,
I am so sorry you are going thru this; it is painful but you will and can survive. I am but barely surviving. My Ex husband was a sex addict and still is . I refuse to accept it and tried to get him to get help. I was tactful,creid to him, and no big screaming about it. I think he misses me sometimes but he has moved on and has another woman and moving to Flordia.

You can survive this and if god does nt put you and your husbadn back togtehr there was a reason. Let it go and eventually you will find someone that will love you and make a GREAT marriage partner. Decide if you want to get another hubby or wait a while but do what is best for you, ok?

God is not punishing you, it is just people get bored with life and their mates instead of sticking it out. Most people do not know how to be real life partners.

Hang in there and pray a lot it does help.

Sable Venuse

SV, Erika is not even divorced yet and the last thing you should be advising is for her to start thinking about a new husband. Have you read this whole thread? Ate you familiar with the MB plans? It's okay to encourage someone but telling a BW to move on and look for a new husband this soon is not MB advice.

/TJ

This is my normal response to the Grammar Gestapo:

However in this case this was a grammar lesson worth the effort to learn.

At least I make myself laugh

Happy New Year (idjut)

Yes, I need the smiley that smacks itself...lol

Definitely worth the lesson though!
I welcome all of them

Erika,

Just wanted to stop.by and see how you're doing.

Hi,
I'm hanging in there. D won't be final for another few months. In the meantime, I don't have any real exciting news to add, I'm just getting things in order for DD & I.

I will say that I am making plans to move forward, well, back home. I actually look forward to these changes.

I'm making decent progress in my personal R, even though I do have my days...of course I only have high hopes for myself. Thanks for asking. I hope you are doing well also.

I'm not doing too bad. I started learning New Testament Greek this week to help me better understand the bible. Its going pretty well, too.

Other than that, I am still committed to "stand", divorced or not.

This is an honorable thing to do. I did some research on this, and it indeed seems to be one of the hardest things to do for anyone.

For me, I haven't given up all hope per se, but I am actually letting go. What I do now is I continually pray for WH. This is what I need to do. For myself, I am working on changing and moving on from this horrible situation. I feel that this entire situation just snowballed out of control.

The hardest thing for me to let go of was letting my dream die. See, I never thought my WH would think of hurting me on this way, or any way for that matter. WH & I were the couple that everyone had faith in. We were "it".

Our personal story goes deep, and hindsight is always 20/20.
I wouldn't cinsider myself a true stander, since I am letting go of a lot, but hope is not completely dead with me.

I have to add that I do have great respect for those that are true standers. It is such an incredibly difficult thing to do. I continue to hold out hope that WH can change, as long as he A) has the desire to do so and B) will do the hard work to change.

I know that I need to let go, and I am doing this. I have stopped holding on so desparately. I do love WH, you can't spend nearly 10 years of your youth and adult life with someone and not have these feelings, of course. WH just is not the same man that I knew even three years ago. I am seeing him for who he is, and to be honest, it still pains me to uncover my eyes completely. I would never entertain being with someone like him, even for a casual date. Who he is today is not good for anyone, and that includes himself.

I feel like I am one of those BS's that is running out of steam. However, hope has not died. It is more like I put all of this on the backburner. For me, this is what is best. This way I can get on with my life.

As for myself, I am taking care of me. I have volunteered to work with some elementary aged kids and I do get out and about with friends. I also have my bright eyed DD to keep me going.

Hard is an understatement! Since I started way back in March or April, I didn't think the D would happen and I was simply going to just wait until she finally woke up. Well, she hasn't and seems to be on a whole different planet. Her step-mom (who's been in her life since she was 2) saw her at Christmas and said she doesn't recognize that woman and couldn't stand to be around her. That's just how different she is.

Anyway, the D is final and I've had temptations prior to and since from women. And it seems like they come from everywhere. In spite of it, I haven't given in and I stay committed.

I have also "let go". But letting go doesn't mean finding someone else. I've let go of my desire to control the situation. I've let go of trying to fix this. I've let go of much of the hurt and pain that has been involved. I'm moving in a better direction for me but I still hope (see my sig). if I knew what would happen or that there would be guaranteed reconciliation, it wouldn't be faith, would it???

Whatever you decide to do, to stand or not, we all understand. And, no, I don't think "standing" is for just anybody. If you are on the fence still about it, see the link below. It may help you come to a decision.

http://marriagewalk.com/what-it-means-to-stand/

God bless!!!

See, this is what I am learning. Letting go of everything is necessary. I am starting to get that I need to relinquish control of this situation, and give it all to God. This was very hard for me, and I went back and forth, because in my mind, I thought letting go meant letting everything die. I struggled with this for a few weeks. It felt so good to just relinquish it all, but I felt incredible guilt. Weird, I know. I just felt like I was giving up if I still didn't hold on in one way or another.

Absolutely true.

I know it was on a Friday because it played all weekend.