Sole custody, joint custody, sole physical custody with joint legal custody...if you have minor children, you will need to consider the type of custody that will work best for your situation. You do not have to go along with your state's default but it is a good idea to look at the default order and go from there. Even with joint custody, some rights and duties are basic to both parents but others do not have to be. Make sure you do your homework and think about the LONG term consequences of assigned rights. What may not be a problem today may be a problem later.

My ex and I share joint custody of our two children. This is how my divorce decree reads and is the standard language in my county/state:

Conservatorship-
The Court, having considered the circumstances of the parents and of the children, finds that the following orders are in the best interest of the children. IT IS ORDERED that WIFE and HUSBAND are appointed Joint Managing Conservators of the following children: CHILD ONE and CHILD TWO. IT IS ORDERED that, at all times, WIFE, as a parent joint managing conservator, shall have the following rights:
1. the right to receive information from any other conservator of the children concerning the health, education, and welfare of the children;
2. the right to confer with the other parent to the extent possible before making a decision concerning the health, education, and welfare of the children;
3. the right of access to medical, dental, psychological, and educational records of the children;
4. the right to consult with a physician, dentist, or psychologist of the children; 5. the right to consult with school officials concerning the children's welfare and educational status, including school activities;
6. the right to attend school activities;
7. the right to be designated on the children's records as a person to be notified in case of an emergency;
8. the right to consent to medical, dental, and surgical treatment during an emergency involving an immediate danger to the health and safety of the children; and
9. the right to manage the estates of the children to the extent the estates have been created by the parent or the parent's family.

IT IS ORDERED that, during her periods of possession, WIFE, as parent joint managing conservator, shall have the following rights and duties:
1. the duty of care, control, protection, and reasonable discipline of the children;
2. the duty to support the children, including providing the children with clothing, food, shelter, and medical and dental care not involving an invasive procedure;
3. the right to consent for the children to medical and dental care not involving an invasive procedure.

**The same rights and duties that are ordered for WIFE are then again repeated for HUSBAND in the order.

My ex lives in another state. I was not willing to share certain rights which would make day-to-day life more difficult for me and the children. We only share two rights (which still require the consent of the other parent) and the rest were exclusively awarded to me:

IT IS ORDERED that WIFE, as a parent joint managing conservator, shall have the following rights and duty:
1. the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the children within ABC County and contiguous counties;
2. the right, subject to the agreement of the other parent conservator, to consent to medical, dental, and surgical treatment involving invasive procedures;
3. the right, subject to the agreement of the other parent conservator, to consent to psychiatric and psychological treatment of the children;
4. the independent right to receive and give receipt for periodic payments for the support of the children and to hold or disburse these funds for the benefit of the children;
5. the exclusive right to represent the children in legal action and to make other decisions of substantial legal significance concerning the children;
6. the exclusive right to consent to marriage and to enlistment in the armed forces of the United States;
7. the exclusive right to make decisions concerning the children's education;
8. except as provided by section XXX.xxx of the State Family Code, the exclusive right to the services and earnings of the children;
9. except when a guardian of the children's estates or a guardian or attorney ad litem has been appointed for the children, the exclusive right to act as an agent of the children in relation to the children's estates if the children's action is required by a state, the United States, or a foreign government;
10. the exclusive duty to manage the estates of the children to the extent the estates have been created by community property or the joint property of the parent; and
11. the exclusive right to direct the moral and religious training of the children.

IT IS ORDERED that HUSBAND, as a parent joint managing conservator, shall have the following rights and duty:
1. the duty to make periodic payments for the support and benefit of the children;
2. the right, subject to the agreement of the other parent conservator, to consent to medical, dental, and surgical treatment involving invasive procedures; and
3. the right, subject to the agreement of the other parent conservator, to consent to psychiatric and psychological treatment of the children.

#7 and 11 (of my listed rights) were deal breakers for me that I would have gone to court over if my ex did not agree. There was no way I was going to contact him for "approval" of school decisions when he didn't even live in the same time zone much less the same city. I also was not going to allow him to fight over our children's religious upbringing down the road either.

Given that my ex lived in another state, I also did not want to be limited to living in my current or neighboring counties either (as written in right #1) and having to petition the Court to move later so the following language was added:

IT IS ORDERED that the primary residence of the child shall be within ABC County and contiguous counties, and the parties shall not remove the child from ABC County and contiguous counties for the purpose of changing the primary residence of the child until modified by further order of the court of continuing jurisdiction or by written agreement signed by the parties and filed with the court. The parties have agreed and IT IS ORDERED that the geographic restriction is lifted if HUSBAND resides outside of the state of XX. The parties have agreed and IT IS ORDERED that if HUSBAND resides outside the State of XX, then the primary residence of the children as designated by WIFE will be restricted to the United States of America.

I often hear people referring to joint custody as "50/50" and they believe the access to the child must be equal. You will be hard pressed to ever have "50/50" or "equal" time...and loose a lot of brain cells in the process if that is how you are trying to arrange a custody/visitation order.

Anyway, look at what your state laws are, the standard custody/access order and tweek it to fit your situation but be aware you do not have to share equal rights even with joint custody.

The 50-50 idea is so the children will be bonded to both parents. B and I live pretty close, so a one-week-on one-week-off schedule Monday to Monday is working well for us. DD leaves from one house Monday morning, takes the bus to school, after school takes the bus home, and is at the other house Monday afternoon, by the time the other parent is home from work. So she has her backpack already at least.

Agree


I can see this schedule working for you given the specifics of your living situation and your daughter's age. It is rare that exes live close enough to make the school transportation work like that. If someone has a younger child or an ex that works long hours and won't be home shortly after school ends, he/she will have to consider all those factors. Having language in the decree that limits where the exes can live would help avoid problems later should someone decide to move.

I hope others will contribute the good and bad of what their arrangement is...and what they wish they would have done different.

Link to info on Parallel Parenting -

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566139#Post2566139