Both my husband and I have read His Needs/Her Needs, and Love Busters. I have also read the survival one and we are/were ready to start the he Wins/She Wins one.

But here is what I want to know...what do I do when he says that he understands the emotional love bank, but says that the account is so much in the red that he is just closing it? So he will not even allow any deposits. He is the one who had "feelings" (he claims that is over), and he is the one who moved out a few months back. I have been the one trying to salvage our marriage.

Hard to do when he closes the account and won't even try.

Any ideas?

Your husband is having an affair. Is that what you are referring to when you say he has 'feelings?' Did he tell you he has feelings for another woman? Because it is clear by what you wrote that he has been having an affair and has closed his love bank to you because it is open to someone else.

Do you know who the affair is or could be with?

You close your emotional love bank when you are dead. You don't need anyone's permission to even deposit that is the beauty of it. He has hardened his heart and that is likely due to unforgiveness or an offense that has taken place. I would not go so quickly to accuse him of having an affair until you have proof. You can only change you.

That is nonsense. He has already admitted the affair, and moved out because of it. She said:

Your post is really odd, coming from someone who had an affair yourself. Why are you questioning the fact that he had an affair, when he admits it? Why would you show up brand new to a forum, dig up an 18th month-old thread that the person created and never even came back to, and challenge the very sound advice given by a long-term poster who thoroughly understands Dr Harley's advice?

Dr Harley is the one who says that the love bank can be closed. Are you disputing his advice?

My apologies. I did not read her say he admitted to an affair.