Hi 1st post. In July 2018 wife told me she wants a divorce and it blew me away. I moved out a month later in Aug. Wife has/had depression and i was not there for her thought if gave her space that was what she needed. I WAS WRONG and told her. We both had with drawn from each other and have kids so that was hard to make time for each other. Also i think a reason is our oldest for some reason does not want me there and when moves out would not come back to visit so i feel like this is the/a reason. I have talked to my wife mostly on face book and sent letters telling her i am sorry and the things i did i was wrong. Also i watched porn off/on during the marriage but just watched no play. Also we are both Christians. I have seen stuff on line,reading books etc to help me cope and change. I do want to get back with my family and my love for my wife is stronger than ever. Only thing good about this is i have gotten closure to God and reading the bible. I know i can and will change for my family if given a chance. She has said many times hope we can be friends and maybe with benefits. We have had sex 2 times and plan to again soon .We dont want a new relationships etc bc of all the hurt and getting to know them etc. I have seen 2 counselors and 1 was a former pastor and she does not want too. I asked about a few weeks ago if we could to heal said no. I dont understand this bc weeks before she told me we was texting i love you no i love you more etc. I asked her if any chance on getting back together in a few yrs and she said no. ***EDIT*** and today just got His Needs Her Needs from the library. Also on top of all this I lost my job on Monday of this month. Dont know what i will do. Thanks

What were her reasons for wanting the divorce from you?

I was not there for her when needed me,porn and the kids. The oldest one has anxiety and is seeing a counselor and i think she may have depression etc. I was online too much and i admit that also. But we did not make time for each other

There is a chance that she's having an affair. This probably seems unlikely to you, but it would explain her request for you to move out and her rejection of the idea of reconciliation.

Have you ever had an affair?

Has your wife been diagnosed with depression? Does she take medication for it?

How long have you been married, and how old are the kids? Are you the joint parents of all of them? Is this the only marriage for you both?

You said "Also i think a reason is our oldest for some reason does not want me there and when moves out would not come back to visit so i feel like this is the/a reason." You sound as if you have no idea why this child does not want you there and won't come back to visit when you're there. That's very strange. Can you really have no clue as to why this would be? How did you and this child get on before he/she moved out? And if you think that this is THE reason your wife asked you to leave, that is even more odd. Of all the things she says you did, why would this be the thing she divorces you for?

What does your wife mean when she says you were "not there for her"? What has she gone through (illness, bereavement?) that you did not support her through?

How did you lose your job? What are the prospects of finding another one soon?

Did you have any idea that your behaviour was destroying your marriage? Did your wife ever complain about your porn use and emotional absence?

No there never was a affair bc she has gained weight over the years and does not like to be nude when we had sex and i would not do that and did not want too.No it did not bother me about her size i did say that WE ALL need to exercise to get in better health. Her family has heart problems. She has been dianosed about 2 to 3 yrs ago i say and yes she takes 2 meds not sure the names. Married 16 yrs and kids 14 12 10. I never hurt the kids etc i did fuss and spank them some times and no i have no idea why the kid is like this and it is the 14 yr old. What i mean by not being there for my wife like trying to help her,talk to her encourage her when she was dealing with the depression. We been married before and she has 1 child from him. I am looking for a job so i don't know when i will find one. It is in God's care

Did you force her to be nude? I am confused what you mean by this. You say SHE did not like being nude but then say YOU would not do that. That doesn't make sense.

When was the last time you spanked the 14 yr old? Did your wife object to your methods of discipline?

No i did not force her into anything. I say over 1/2 the time we did sexual things she had a night gown on covering her waist. I have told her i think she is beautiful

I dont know i say when she was 7 or 8 maybe younger been yrs. No wife would spank one of them and would laugh at my wife and say that did not hurt

What about the other half of the time? You said you "would not do that." You would not do WHAT?

Did your wife object to your methods of discipline?

No we both spanked the kids when needed and it was by hand not anything else

affair

You would not do WHAT?

Affair

Thanks, I understand now.

Last night 10/19 she came over to help me with something online. After that i/we talked for a long time. I told her i was very wrong and feel very bad about the way i treated her and sorry about the way i made her feel about her body image. We hugged and she cried and i felt bad. I told her i would do anything and everything i could to show her that i love her if we got back together and i would.I watched porn and i know that hurt her and i see that now. I had blinders on before but by God's help those blinders are gone. She never did say she would take me back but it is a start and we did not have this before. Thank you

I also told her i will give her all of my pass words and web sites that i use to help show her i mean this