It Has Been One Hell Of A Year - Marriage Builders® Forums

Hey Family,Today is the day my W left me. How do I feel? Honestly, I feel really good. Believe it or not this whole thing has been one of the greatest things that has every happened to me. How can you say this Bill? Well let me tell you. The past year has been one of absolutely searing pain, incredible discovery and an [censored]-load of growth.The first person I reached out to when I found out R was sleeping with someone else told me, I would be a better person and be grateful for the experience. I must admit he was 100% on the mark. I just searched a bunch of archives to read what I have written and felt over the past year. Funny thing is I remember all those old feeling very strongly. However I no longer feel them now. It is very true that feelings will eventually pass. As for as gratitude, whew, I have a lot of it. I made it through all of this without having to use a single mind or mood altering substance. I have learned how to feel and to express how I feel and not hide from my feelings. What a gift. I have an immeasurable faith in God as I understand Him to be. And I have ALL you wonderful people in my life.Don't get me wrong here, this divorce is a terrible thing. I do not wish this on anyone. I feel compelled to say I wish it wasn't happening but I have to honestly admit that is for the best. If R had cured her cranial rectitis 5 months ago my family would be intact. The fact is, she still sees LRB and doesn't want me and I no longer have the love for her to be married to her. I owe the Harley's a debt of gratitude be cause they are right on the money when the say if you follow their suggestions your divorce will be as painless as possible. Right now I feel no real pain because I did the plan-a and the plan-b to the best of my ability.I know I will marry again and think it will be for good. I have owned my foul behavior and neglect and have learned how not to be that way. I have read so many books on relationships that I have a better understanding of what it takes to make marriage and love last. Most importantly I want to love again and have a spouse that I can be with in all areas of my life. I look forward to using the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>The Four Rules for a Successful Marriage</A> and the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>. I know what <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> are and how to develope a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A> and keep the balance well in the black. I have a pretty good idea what my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> are and how to learn the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of another, most of all I have the willingness to meet them.It is too bad R will not be able to experience this gift you folks have given me.What if she wants to reconcile Bill? Well, A: I don't think she has the guts to even humble herself to the task and B:My feelings for her are 180 degrees of they were last year this time. Am I a bad person because I feel this way? I hope you all don't think so, I don't. I would be remiss if I weren't honest about this. I don't like who she is. She is now so far from my "type" I can't imagine growing old with her. Just being honest.So what's next for me? The next two months will be working out the details of the D and continuing with my self discovery. Developing my hobbies, continuing to create a healthier mind , Body, and spirit. Not looking for love but waiting for it to find me. And I think she will be very pleased with what she has found. I only hope she can handle a guy that is acutely aware of his feelings and can honestly share them with her.Life as I know it is not over, it has just begun. I have been given a reprieve and I will never take it for granted again!!Roll Me Away, Lostva, NSR, Medic, Mitzi, Murphy, RWD, Sheba, SDS, New Beginning, Soulloss, Soullosses ex H, The Student, W.G.up.H., Cinderella, Connor, K, SirHurtsAlot, Paul Moyer, SamH, SamanthaMI, Kim, TNT, Wassi, Bonnet, Just Learning, Jamie-Lee, DanaB, RCoaster, Cinderella, Bernzini, and alot more I can't immediatly think of, I owe each of you a debt of gratitude I cannot begin to repay, you helped give me life back. I love each of you very much and I thank eack of you all from the bottom of my heart.Thanks again for the gifts you have helped me to recieve.Bill------------------ May the roads rise to meet you, May the winds always be at your back, May the sun shine warm upon your face, The rains fall soft upon your fields, And until we meet again, May god hold you In the hollow of his hand.

Bill, what a wonderful post...made me cry.What a long way we have all come, huh?Luv you!Lori

When I searched my archive, You were the first to reply to my first thread.And indeed we have come along way.Bill

Bill,

You know you are a success story... ...and now live the life you were meant to live... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Jim

Thank You Jim,I guess we draw srtength from one another.Bill

Hi Bill, And in case you haven't heard it today (Lostva beat me to it!!)...Luv you too!I'm very proud of you. It is great to see people healing here. Wish the feelings for my ex were completely zip like yours, but that will come in time.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BILL}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}},I can tell for sure that you are a great person. Thats a great idea to look back on what you posted a year ago!! Yikes. go back to lonelymom and read it?? Thats scary!!!I am happy to hear you are confident about another marriage. I have met a lot of men who refuse to touch that question!!!You have been a great help to all of us on that list, and that is a great bunch of people isn't it??This board has certainly been a lifesaver!!Big hug and prayers to you, Dana

TS,Love You too...thanks I did need that.My feeling for ex aren't quite zip, but I know it isn't love. I wish her well and hope she can get her **** together. I'm starting to feel a smidgen better about her as a person.Dana,Yes it was eye opening to re read some of that stuff..It allowed me to actualy see the growth...And everyone on that list are awsome people Bill [This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited October 01, 2000).]

Hi Bill,Good grief, I feel exactly the same way as you do!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I have made some very, very good friends here and I couldn't have come this far without them. I so wish we **all** could find the positives in this - and lord knows that I never would have believed it was possible!Love you, and BIG HUGS, Sheryl

Wow!!I'm so happy for you. Sorry that you've had to go through this but happy that you're doing so well. I'm also honored to have a place on you list of people who have been helpful. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Even though I was way past my crisis when I came here, I find my recovery is still ongoing. And being here has been very good for me.I do wish you continued healing and I'll hold a spot for you in the hottub if you wish. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Bill,Well, you made it over the hump! What a hump it is, too, isn't it????? I could relate to everything you wrote. You look back and you see the pain and you remember how excrutiating it was. Of course, it all hasn't completely gone away - residual pain and negative feelings are still there. You will ALWAYS feel regret that your wayward spouse chose to NOT TRY. Those of us who had wayward spouses like that - ex-spouses or current spouses who never, ever tried one thing to save the marriage, really do know exactly how you felt and feel now. You sound so much better, Bill. We have all come a long way since our discovery day. Can you believe my ex has already been married over 2 months?? I hardly ever think of him, either. Time really does heal. You have healed, maybe not totally, but sufficiently healed to see that there is a whole lot more that life can offer you. You are turning your lemons into lemonade and that is the healthiest thing you can do!Enjoy your daughter and enjoy your life, Bill. Wishing you life's finest!!!!Desiree------------------ "Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."Sir Humphry Davy

Bill, I am glad to hear you are doing so well!! It is unfortunate that it takes so much pain to grow. But remember fire hardens steel!God BlessBob

Thank you for your post. It's encouraging to read that the pain doesn't last forever. I crave the feeling of excitement of beginning a new life discovery of myself. I have seen small glimmers of that in the past few days. Maybe it will grow. Thanks for sharing!

Sheryl,Than you, you are a dear friend. I love you too.Cinerella, That hot tub is going to be so full the water will be spilling over the sides..LOLDesiree, So good to see your kind words, you are very much missed around here. It feels good to be over the hunp as you say and the pain is becomming a distant memmorie. I don't want to ever foreget it though, I need it to remind me of how I acted and the results of those actions. The lemonaide is tasting pretty good LOL. When I searched my archive you were the second person to respond to me. Thanks for everything. Abbey says hi.Bob,How in hell are you? Yes fire does harden steele. I have the strength of 10 men because in my heart I know I'm pure...LOLgsd, Good to see you...Life is far too short. Keep on moving forward.Bill

hey bill,yes we all have come a long way, its been a long time since we have chatted I dont think I even still have my AOLim lol but I am very happy to see you doin well and lookin ahead instead of lookin back, keep up the good work hun.Lesa------------------ "It took me quite a while to realize that the real deal is to be able to be enough of a person on your own to know when somebody loves you and cares about you" ----Stevie Ray Vaughan"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5 Take care and God Bless. lms20ish@fidnet.com

Bill, congrats on remain sober and straight through this process. I had 8 years last Saturday and I could not have made it if it were not for the program.I am in Omaha and if you ever get this way and want to have a contact my email is tkyster@alegent.org. My first name is Ted.Once again Congrats!!!!!!!!

Bill, Excellent post! I know how you feel, and you expressed a lot that I am feeling too. It's been 1 year, one month and 3 weeks today that I moved out and started moving on. It's great that you are confident about finding love and marriage again (or letting it find you). I know that my next marriage will be a truly fulfilling one because of all of the things I have learned from this.Here is a part of a poem a friend sent me not too long ago... I think it fits here... <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Smooches, Butterfly ------------------ There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. -- John Oliver HolmesThe opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. -- Elie Wiesel [This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited October 04, 2000).]

Wow same quote my wife sent me - I don't like it because she was inferring that I am the wrong person, which of course I don't believe

Bill,It is good to hear from you again. You have indeed come a long way, but it was all you my man. You and your faith got you to where you are now. It is something to be proud of. We all just chatted with along the way. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

God Bless,JL

Hey Bill!You have been through so much..........You should really be proud of the tremendous growth and insight that you have gained!In this short time you have become a good friend,and you know us Leo's need to stick together! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

You will find happiness again!........as I know that I will too!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

:Take care!Gina [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

------------------ "If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

Lesa, Good to see you are doing ok...Thanks for the wishes...Ted, Congrats to you on your b-day(non-belly button...LOL) 8 years....keep comming back. it works if you work it, huh? I'll try to email you soon.Butterfly, Thanks for that verse...every little bit helps...JL, Humility won't allow me to take credit...There is no way I could have done this without this place. All I did was be willing to keep walking and do a little footwork. You are very wise and I am grateful for your insite...Gina, Yes we are now dear friends and it means more than I can express. I'm afraid to be too proud...but I am very grateful. Thank you.Bill

Hey, Bill,I guess it's my turn to chime in here. . .They say that you really and truly begin to mature when you can put yourself in the shoes of other people, when you feel what others feel and understand why they do what they do. . .You have coached me through some rough days latelyYou'll never know how your words of wisdom have turn my mood into a good oneAnd you have made me laugh. . .that's something that I haven't done in a whileYer too awesome Bill!! Thanks for being a friend, now that I have officially become a D/D-er. . .Mary

Mary, It does get better I promise...You have to want it though.Bill

Hey Bill,long time no speak......I was so proud to make it on to your list of people, you have meant a lot to me over the last year or so.I am starting to feel a little of what you expressed. I have filed for divorce, which will be final Dec 5. But at the moment I am on the "am I doing the right thing, should I wait a little longer" rollercoaster.!!!!!I was so sure of myself when I filed, things were not going very well, he is now on his 5th girlfriend (in the 1 1/2 years since we broke up) and he seemed to be making it quite clear that he likes his new bachelorhood life. Yet again, he has changed his tack. Anyway, I'll post a big update on my little life so I don't hog your thread.The poem Butterfly shared is so true isn't it. All that we have been through, and all that we have MADE it through, will make us into better people. I know I have grown so much, and am aware of what my shortcomings and faults are. Both personally and relationship wise. And I hope I can see and appreciate the RIGHT one when he arrives.So much of what you wrote touched my heart. I still love my husband, but I also don't like who he has become. I can't get past the fact that he never even wanted to try and work out our marriage.I have missed you my friend, in the 3 months I have been 'away', but I am so glad to read of your attitude and outlook on life. And so glad that a fine person such as you did it on your own, without the bottle or other substances. I am giving you the biggest pat on the back, followed by the biggest hug ever. You should be so proud of yourself.We'll talk soon. love and hugs Jo

BIll thanks for sending me to your post. It has been quite a year hasn't it. You have come a long way and I am so proud of you. I am pleased to be included in your list. But you are the one who made the difference you worked hard and did all you could possibly do. Because of that you are now where you are ready to move forward with your life. Love will find you because yoou are such a special person and the lady that discovers you will truely be blessed. You are always in my prayers. I will always count you as my friend. Keep emailing me and letting me know how you are doing. One day when you are ready you will find that special someone and when that time comes I will rejoice with you and dance at your wedding! Love always to a greeat friend Di