Marriage Builders
Posted By: cjack Divorced One Month...Now She Says This! - 03/14/01 04:22 AM
Quick overview: Married 3 years. X expresses unhappiness with marriage in late '99. 7/00 starts "exit affair" with old HS flame in Vegas. Moves out and files for D. Relationship with "soul-mate" in Vegas is rocky, depending on how much time she's away from him. Divorce comes quicker than we both expected (uncontested no fault divorce), and we're divorced as of Feb. 15th.<P>She has been depressed ever since. Serious regrets in the week following the D, but has been better lately. I've been fine, even happy since then.<P>So she went on vacation this week. Went to see an old girlfriend in TX. Before she left, she made it a point to say "I'm going to TX to see Kim...I'm NOT going to Vegas."<P>I said "you know, it doesn't matter anymore. We're divorced...you can go anywhere you like and be with whomever you want."<P>She says: "No...I can't. That wouldn't be right."<P>So it was okay when you were married, but now you're having doubts?!<P>Now, I see one of two possibilities: <P>One: I had a long talk with her after the D, and explained to her exactly what her chances for a happy future with OM were. I told her the statistics, gave her all the reasons why a relationship based upon lies and deception would fail, etc. She agreed (for the first time) that maybe things with OM weren't all they were cracked up to be. Maybe she sees some hope of reconciliation, and doesn't want to mess it up.<P>Two: She feels a little guilty about shamelessly running into the arms of OM...that's it, nothing more.<P>Thoughts?<P>
There seems to be a common human tendency to look forward to something like a divorce and expect it to resolve all the old issues and mark the start of a new life. But that's not the way it works. Neither one's conscience nor one's heart is subject to the ruling of a judge.<P>Your divorce changed nothing for your wife except her legal status, and now she doesn't know <I>what</I> to think.<P>She may not be hoping for reconciliation, and she may not be feeling guilty; she may just be feeling confused.<BR>
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