Finally Lost Everything - Marriage Builders® Forums

Be warned....this is not just a vent, but a pouring out of my raw emotional state.The straw finally broke the camels back. Last week, I had a huge arguement with my oldest regarding school grades. I said some pretty awful things. Well, her father and Mia will be coming by over the weekend, and taking her stuff to "their" house where she'll now live. Of course her father came by and talked with me about this event and I said that now he could deal with the problems of a teenager! He seems totally unphased by all of this saying that I'm totally wrong here. Whatever is true or not, I'm not at a point where i can deal with this rationally. I can see that they (my ex and Mia) can afford a certian comfort and lifestyle that I used to have. I hate them for that. That used to be my home, my yard, my dogs & cat, my plants, etc. I hate that his GF plays "family" with my kids. Everyone here (with the exception of Nellie and Student) thinks I should just "get over it". Move on. Get a new life. Well, I want my old life back. I don't want the one I have now. I don't. My ex had an affair. I take responsibility for my part in that. I tried to make things work. He quit counseling. HE QUIT. I didn't. He went back to his GF. He gets to be happy while I'm just plain miserable. He's a good father that didn't want the wife he had. Now he's still a good father with the "new future wife" he's always wanted. How does one just "get over" spending your entire adult life with one person? As far as I'm concerned, I can't nor won't ever get "over it". I may as well crawl in a hole and disappear.

T-L,I understand how you feel, I really do. But do you want to remain bitter/angry the rest of your life??? You are divorced and you can't get your old life back. IF your X came back to you, gave up Mia, do you think that you would have your old life back??? I doubt it, it would take a lot of work on his part to regain your trust wouldn't it????? You would have a different type of marriage. Would it be better? WHo knows, but it would be different.As for how you handle your kids, I can't say, you can only do what you feel is right. Have you gone to any parenting classes for teenagers? One of my d's friend's mother is a widow about 6 yrs and she is going to parenting classes.My counselor pointed out to me that I was still using the divorce as the reason I was having problems with my d, when he felt it was a basic teenager problem, nothing that I probably wouldn't have encountered if I were still married.So far my x has somewhat supported me. I thought I was lenient, but she never seems to say no. It is a shame your x won't support you. I don't think your efforst to "recruit" your kids against your x will be beneficial. IMHO, they will see you as the bitter one, and no wonder dad left.I don't think kids understand the depth of relationship a marriage brings. When I talked to my d last week about how the divorce still hurts me, she said why, you have someone you are dating and mom has someone. I thinks she thinks of it the way the kids "go out" with someone and consider talking to a boy as dating. They usually last about 3 weeks and then it is on to someone else.T-L I wish the best for you. Hang in and God Bless,Bob

Dear TL,You have a lot pent up inside of you and I feel your pain. But for a momment reflect back. Have you truly lost everything? What about your other children? What about you and your self respect? Yes, they have taken away your previous lifestyle and home. Home is where the heart is. The rest of your family have every right along with your self to have the love and care that you all deserve. The fact that some are selfish should not prevent you from withholding your goodness from others. It is not fair. Just want to put you back on a clear thinking pattern. I don't know your situation too well, I do however hope you are able to work your raw emotions into a good direction.Please take care, L.

(((((((TL)))))))))I can relate to some of what you are saying. Why should the OW get to "play house" with your family. Worse, in your own house. What kind of woman would be comfortable in what was previously "another woman's" home anyhow, I can't figure that one out?You do sound truly upset and I feel your pain and anger. I haven't seen the threads about you moving on. Theres a LOT of work in moving on to someone new, and I don't think that would help you right now anyhow.It's normal to want your old life back. It's normal to not like that we are stuck in a far worse financial situation and different lifestyle while "they" get to go on and have the life we struggled for many years to get, in my case 11.I do agree with Bob that you certainly don't want to become bitter and angry forever. It takes a lot of strength to let go, sometimes just as much as to hang on. I'm not sure about your financial situation, or how many kids you have, but after you get over all this initial pain of d going to live with dad, maybe you can make a plan for yourself. What can you do to make your life better? Forget the ex. Forget whether he pays child support, or what his finacial life is like. Just think about you and what you can achieve. Can you do something that you can be proud of? It sounds like you need at least some sort of change at this point.I give a lot of credit to those who can hang on to the ex, or the hopes of their return. It takes a lot to do that too. But at some point, when these stbxH's, are planning marriage to OW, or they clearly indicate they are not coming back, sometimes its not so bad to move on. Not move on to another person, just move on in life and try not to think about them every minute.I know, it is hard, I had to do it too. I made lots of mistakes along the way too. I think I remember a thread of yours on GQ board last summer that you were replying to, and even possibly your H at that time.If that is the right one, I think you were talking about something you did or were going to do to OW or something, well , its been a while that you've been in this pain. Do something positive for you if you can find the energy or time.I had to start small. Like read a magazine, take a long bubblebath while the kids were in bed and little by little I started to try to find at least some positives to my life because I knew I had to go on without the ex.Hope you find some relief , sending hugs and prayers, Dana

Oh Tanya,I'm probably the last person you want to hear from... and that makes me sad. First, I am sorry for the pain you are obviously feeling. Truly, I am!Secondly, you have NO FAULT whatsoever for your H's affair. That responsibility is HIS ALONE. You do, however, have some responsibility for the situation in your marriage that led to his going elsewhere to have his needs met. I never told you to "just get over it" -- however -- you aren't doing yourself any favors by harboring hatred in your heart. It colors all that you are, all that you say and do... and I will say again, as I have many times before... it isn't who you really are!! Tanya, I too have lost a life I had with my H of 20 years, and I too know how hard it is to begin again. I loved David for my entire adult life, just as you loved your H. I think I will ALWAYS love David... and I will always wonder what our life would have been like had we been able to pull it all together. I too asked God to give me my life back -- on MANY occasions! You are not alone. I moved forward because I wanted to -- but more because I *needed* to. That's the bottom line for me. I didn't just "get **over** it"... I just "got **on** with it"... life, that is. I am sending hugs... and they are most heartfelt.------------------ ~Sheryl (a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)Life is difficult. The Road Less Traveled ~M. Scott Peck

hey TL,forget the "don't be bitter and angry" speech. Odds are pretty good that the more people tell you to get over it, the more pissed you will be.My recommendation? Be as pissed as you want. Be angry. Be very angry. Get it ALL out of your system, but here is the BIG caveat...Get it out of your system in a constructive way. You have every right to be angry. You have every right to hate your ex's guts (IMO). If a murderer came and killed your whole family, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be telling you not to be bitter. Nope. They'd be pushing for the death penalty (most likely). It is different with divorce. For some reason, we're all supposed to sit around the campfire, holding hands, and say "I'm ok, you're ok, we just couldn't get along" crap. So, now that you and I and Nellie all acknowledge that this is the WORST thing that could probably ever happen to us (besides your children being hurt, of course), and we're flaming mad about it sometimes, the next step is to do something about it. We can't change our ex's. They don't care if we forgive them or hate them. Actually, by hating them they get to look like they were right in doing what they did. Only those who have been through it really understand what this is like.I've found that even adults who have not been through a divorce are clueless. Never mind teenagers, who probably haven't even had their first serious boyfriend/girlfriend. You can't expect them to feel your pain or understand you. Someday they might, if this ever happens to them. Even those who have been through a divorce handle it differently. Some appear to just shrug their shoulders and say "oh well". Obviously, I'm not one of them.In the meantime, for your own sake, please find one thing you take joy in today. For me, it was gardening and finishing my PhD.

dittos what TheStudent said.Anger has to be worked through before you can let go of it.Get angry. You have the right to be angry and stuffing it instead of dealing with it will only cause more pain for you in the long run.I write alot when I am angry. I have dozens of unsent letters to my stbx saved in my Documents folder. I excerise, or when I'm really fuming pissed, I clean house! <G> You should see the dust fly!! (I'm an awful housekeeper the rest of the time!) My Al-Anon sponsor got a punching bag and hung it in her garage. She used it daily to get through her anger.You can't change the reality of your situation, but you can control how you respond to it. Do what you need to do to take care of you. ((hugs)) BR

TL,I for one have never told you just to 'get over it'. I don't know how anyone could say such a thing. You can not just put behind the life that was all you knew. For me, letting go was the hardest thing that I ever had to do. I still don't think that I have. Because I still love him. It just won't go away after these years of hell and I believe I always will love him. My love was unconditional. Am I bitter? No. Am I angry with the decision he chose? Yes. Their is nothing wrong with being angry. It's what you do with the anger. I just came to the realization that *I* could not change *him*. That I had NO control over what he felt nor what he did. I will never agree with the life he chose, but I must accept it, because I have no other choice. And with that it seems as the pain went away. And my healing began.For me, I haven't moved on to anyone new. (not to say that anyone who has is wrong). But it's not what's right for me. But right now, I choose to focus on postives in my life. Which are life, my children, my career, my health,& shelter. I choose to count my blessings. It's so easy to focus on things that aren't going right, but you are in control of you. You choose what you will do with your life. It's not about getting a new life, but making best of the life you have. TL, I know its hard, but try not to let anyone steal your joy. Don't allow the Ex nor the OW to ever take pleasure or satisfaction in seeing you suffer. You are doing the best you can and no one can tell you what or how to feel. Do what's best for you and what's best for your children. I hope that you will not find judgement in these words, but encouragement. ------------------ God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.lady_divine77@yahoo.com[This message has been edited by jamie-lee (edited March 26, 2001).]

Of course you have every right to be angry. There is nothing wrong with being angry. Pretending not to be angry when they are, and feeling guilty about being angry is what destroys your psyche.One of the many things wrong with divorce is that children learn that the way to deal with conflict is to run away from it. And when the non-custodial parent says, "Fine, you can run away to live with me," it just makes it worse.One of the saddest songs I have ever heard is Toby Keith's "Who's that Man" - "That's my house, and that's my car, That's my dog, and my backyard.... Who's that man running my life..."No person with one-tenth of an ounce of decency would even consider for a moment living in the house that the H and W used to live in. [This message has been edited by Nellie1 (edited March 26, 2001).]

First off, let me say thank you all for your words of encouragement, or wisdom, or both. Anyway, I've read through these replies and will answer some of the questions or misconceptions that I may have posted incorrectly. Orchid asks about my "other children". I only have 2 and the boy already lives with dad. He wanted to stay with his father and I thought that was for the best. So now, both of them will live with father and I will see them as the "non-custodial" parent. I wish I didn't feel this way, but I really do believe it's the best for both of them. They (my x and Mia) have more stability than I do. And the stability I speak of has absolutely nothing to do with money. I am paid by xh very well both CS/SS and don't have to work more than a part time job. There were also comments on how Mia could live in my former house. Well, I posted about this a while back when exh was making major home improvements and renovations to it. I even think Mia gave him the money to do it. I know she was the one that made it possible for him to buy out my half of the home. In any event, there has been a 2nd story added, an addition to the master bedroom and to the kitchen and family rooms. It looks COMPLETELY different than it used to. I know she didn't move in it until all these things were completed and there had been some time after the divorce was final. Her move in there was very recent and I suspect, though not positive, that she is not there all the time since she still has her own house. Maybe she's waiting for the school year to end, who knows. I'd be lying if I didnt' admit that were I in her situation, I'd want to move into that house too. After all, she has a share of the house now too.I do know and realize that I cannot wish my exh to leave her and come back to me. Obviously he's made his choice. The kids have made theirs about wanting to be with him. Exh did not encourage d to "run away to dads". Rather the opposite. He tried to talk to her and tell her it was okay to have agruements with mom. I said horrible things to make her feel not wanted by me. I guess you could say I caused the events to happen. Now I'll have to live with them.P.S. - I still hate everything that exh has done that's made me lose everything I ever had.

Hi T-L,,your post brought back so many memories and feelings for me. Feelings exactly the same as what you are going through now.I often wondered what I had done to deserve all this. That he had left, moved on, had new gf's, the job he wanted, and his children when he wanted, when it suited him. What about me?But you know what? Although their lives look great from where we sit, I don't believe for a minute that they are that great.First of all, there's all the guilt that is associated with an affair. The shame. And then the new relationship. That would have it's own set of problems too. Don't you think that the OW would always be playing second fiddle, to your children. And living in your house, even though it has been modified, it's still YOUR house. She can't be comfortable all the time about that.So, what I say to you is be angry. Be real angry. But use it constructively. Start exercise, or study, or anything, but use it constructively.I am definitely not saying just get over it. I know that almost 2 years down the track, I'm still not over it. But what I have done is try and concentrate my efforts elsewhere. Nothing I think or feel, or say to him, is going to change our (my) situation. We are still divorced and he will NOT be coming home. That is his choice. I went back to work, went back to uni, focussed on my children, my family and my friends. And tried to learn from this. I really looked at myself, and did a lot of soulsearching. I attempted to see where I went wrong, what I did wrong in my marriage. And because I've done that, I've grown. I've changed and learnt. And that is a good thing. I put a time limit on my 'feeling bad' stage, and tried to stick to it. I let myself wallow in self pity, and hated him with all my heart. I let it out. When I wanted to cry I did. When I wanted to vent and rage and scream and shout, I did. I tried to deal with it as and when I felt it. So I didn't have to face the pain and the anger in the future. I want to deal with it all now. That I think is what you are doing. And that's great. By dealing with it now, you give yourself the best chance of happiness at a later stage.Don't let your hatred and bitterness for him and OW ruin your chances for a happy fulfilling life.Feel the pain, and live it, for now. But don't hang on to it forever. LIfe is too short for that.And please, take it from one who has been exactly where you are now. It does get better. Something will happen to make you see that. Even tho you can't see it now. I felt exactly the same way when someone told me that. Dont' forget, this pain is a journey. And all journeys do come to an end.Could you maybe do some charity work? I think, and I found, that when you give to others, you seem to put things in perspective. There is ALWAYS someone who is worse off than you (or me in my case!!) And the feeling of giving, without expecting anything in return, is great. The feeling of helping someone else is so rewarding. Please think about it.Please take care of yourself, and know that we are all here for you. And we understand. That in itself was a lifesaver for me. That so many (unfortunately) understood exactly what I was going through. We will get you through this. We will be here for you. Don't ever forget that. Vent and scream and shout with us. We've got broad shoulders, we can handle it.love and hugs to youJo

Amen, TS!!!I agree...get as mad as h*ll! What happened to you is hiddeous and horrible. It should never happen to anyone....and I mean ANYONE! You DON'T deserve what happened to you.I don't care how *itchy, mean, naggy, fridged, etc. you might have been in your marriage....you STILL didn't deserve what you got. You didn't do anything to deserve what you got. AND YOU DID NOT CAUSE YOUR H TO HAVE AN AFFAIR. HE did....he choose it. Plain and simple. He gave up. YOU DIDN'T.Too many people today think "getting on" with your life means you actually dealt with the pain. It doesn't. You actually have to DEAL with it, to have dealt with it. And the anger is a big part of dealing with it. Go ahead and feel it. I agree with TS...:For some reason, we're all supposed to sit around the campfire, holding hands, and say "I'm ok, you're ok, we just couldn't get along" crap.Amen and Amen. It's a load of crap. Like I said in another post...we are ALIVE, man!! We have feelings! We aren't robots who just always react the same way to everything that happens to us. This thing that happened has torn the very fabric of our being. MAD! No sh*t, Sherlock!! Carpe diem....sieze the day! And if the day...today...it's anger, then feeeeeeel it. Deal with it. And tomorrow or the next day or the next day, you will be at a different place where you can actually move on. That's what growth is all about...that's what life is about. Sometimes it sucks and sometimes it's a dream.I don't know if this helps, but I'm darn tired of trying to hold myself all together in this cloak of normalcy, when inside I'm suffereing. I've choosen to go ahead and feel whatever it is I'm feeling and then trying to learn from it.Aloha, Mrs.O"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven....a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance...a time to love, and a time to hate." (Ecc. 3) [This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited March 26, 2001).]

TL, To clarify, anger is definetly part of the healing process in much of what we do. I agree with the others its ok to get angry and be angry, I just don't know how healthy it is to hang on to anger too long. Hugs, Dana

Thanks to all of you who have allowed me to be at my worst, screaming, nagging, wallowing in self pity, hating Mia, hating my ex and the life they are now affording my kids. I'm so sorry, but I am not able to deal with any of this anymore.Tanya

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>I'm so sorry, but I am not able to deal with any of this anymore.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Tanya, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?I'm worried about you! Please, please GET HELP -- you are worth so MUCH MORE than you think!!To EVERYONE,Yes, getting good and pissed may be good for the psyche, but to REMAIN there and not be able to go forward can be DANGEROUS for all involved. Did anyone else notice the phrase: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> I said horrible things to make her feel not wanted by me. I guess you could say I caused the events to happen.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I'm not a pyschologist, but it seems to me that Tanya wants to PUNISH HERSELF. This is not part of the process she needs to go through to HEAL. Is it? Someone please tell me... because what I see, over and over again, is a woman who is hurting SO MUCH and NEEDS HELP to get through it BEFORE SOMETHING DRASTIC and FINAL happens...My GOD, venting is good and having a safe place is wonderful... but here, on the internet, is NOT THE PLACE when someone is clinically depressed and/or suicidal.We need to ENCOURAGE Tanya to get some help, take care of herself, and GO FORWARD. Am I wrong? If so, I promise, I will come back and delete this post... ------------------ ~Sheryl (a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)Life is difficult. The Road Less Traveled ~M. Scott Peck

Oh TL, you sound so sad! ((((Hugs)))))Sheryl is right you know. Please seek some help from a professional who can help you find that wonderful person that is lost inside you. Don't forget that you alone are your kids mom! Let this group of caring and loving folks help support you right now...

Hi Tired Lady,Sorry to reply so late. I feel so much like you do and have posted similar "vents". My STBXH has been showering the OW and her son with gifts and love and promises of "forever". I am deeply deeply saddened by how I am now left, but I refuse to become bitter and angry. I too want to crawl in a hole. I don't want to hear "just get over it". We must try as we may to move forward productively. As disrespectful as my STBXH has been to me, I try not to bad mouth him to anyone (I do say things when I am by myself or mabey vent here) sometimes I make mistakes. I just think that this all takes time, or so I am learning. Try to invision a good life for yourself and write down some goals. That is what I have done, I will not let what my husband has done determine my destiny. I will and you will have a great life!!!!! Hang in there!!!

TL,Just checking in to see if your feeling any better since your last post. You did leave that one open for some worry. We all grieve diffently. What worked for me may not work for you. The important thing is that you take care of yourself during this process and try to keep some strength.Hoping you are feeling better, Dana

Hi TL,just checking on you today? Are you feeling any better?Please let us know how you are doing.love and hugsJo

TL-I don't come here much anymore at all. But I read what you wrote primarily because of the title. From a man's point of view, I feel I lost everything too. My wife, my child (I have visitation 1 night per week plus every other weekend). I feel for you. See one day, your ex will understand that his choices, for whatever reasons he made them will have long lasting consequences for him, your children, his GF, and her child. Know that doesn't make you feel better, or less angry now, but you should know that not one day will go by that he doesn't at least think about what went wrong and the choices he's made.I truly hope you get help, via counseling, volunteering, whatever you need to do to get out of this slump. I just wanted to say something here. This post got to me. I wonder if my exw felt this way at some point too.

Just wanted to check in and see if you were doing better.Skipper

Tanya,PLEASE LET US KNOW THAT YOU'RE OKAY!!!You are loved and worthy of that love... ------------------ ~Sheryl (a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)Life is difficult. The Road Less Traveled ~M. Scott Peck

Just checking in too and bringing this up to the top, where are you TL?

Tanya, I know you are in the pit of hell right now.I wouldnt wish this on anyone.Perhaps it is a good thing that D goes to live over there for a while. Let him deal with a teen ager ,this maybe what it takes to lift fog a little. I have dealt with my anger by forgiving,not once ,but over and over again. I dont think you should "move on." If you go to Prayers on MB there are several of us that are standing for our marriages.You can find encouragement there. Student,you are so right about "campfire"!!!!! PS He (thinks) he wants his new future wife,he will always love you,it is just buried now.

Hi TL,I'm hoping you're feeling a bit better today. Keep hanging on, even if just by your fingertips. You WILL get through this. We will help you get through this. We will ALWAYS be here for you, no matter what.Please let us know how you arelove and hugsJo

Alright TL,Now you have me worried too! Where in the heck are you? Please let us now? That's an order [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Praying for you and yours....------------------ God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Hi, I know how you are feeling believe me. I was married for 17 years, almost half of my life. My X is now remarried and I just today signed a quit claim deed of the house over to them. My house that I loved. All of my flowers and plants I carefully took care of the past 6 yrs are now not mine. They are doing some remodeling now, remodeling that we were going to do. God, I hate him for this!!!!!!!!! Don't get me wrong I'm actually pretty happy right now. Broke but happy. I just miss my home and the security it brought. As for my X I do miss him some but am actually a happier person without all of the stresses he brought to my life. But that is for another thread. Just know that there are alot of us here who can sympathise with you.Jill

TL, Your posts seem to pull me out of lurkdom. I've thought about you all day. I actually logged on several times at work to see if you had responded. Please let us know that you are okay, or at least that you are reading this if you don't feel "okay". My thoughts and prayers are with you. Many people here care about you.

**sigh** I am very worried about you, Tanya.Sending love and good wishes...{and yes, just bringing this back up so that when/if Tanya happens by, she knows we care!}------------------ ~Sheryl (a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)Life is difficult. The Road Less Traveled ~M. Scott Peck

TL,where are you?Please let us know that you're ok. We all care about you so much. You WILL get through this, we will make sure you do.love and hugsJo

Dear Tanya, i understand you completely. My story is exact like yours, except formal divorce (Ow 5 months in our house with older D, YD and me moved into apartment):Marriage lasted 20 years and affair 1.5years, I tried with suicid and feeled responsible for OD's choice to live with H and OW, but now after almost a year of such life (with my YD in the apartment) I am aware that neither OD nor H are as happy like they want others to think. Just opposite now I have better relationship with OD than ever before (she is 18.5) Don't harm yourself, find proffesional help, talk to friends, vent here, the pain stays but it diminishes with time passing. There are/will be a lot of hard days but you'll manage through. I succeeded with a help from special people her, my MB friends. I am not writing a lot these days but I am lurking all the time. Please let us see you are better. Please write to us, you'll be feeling better believe me and others.((((((((((((((Tanya))))))))))))))))

HI Tired Lady, Just a little hope here.... My W bought a house with OM but almost EVERYTHING in it was mine (Ours) MY TV,SILVERWARE, DISHS, LAMPS, PAINTINGS, EVEN MY DOG!! Not to mention my WIFE!! Well, our Son and his W moved in and THAT was the begining of the END!! All situations are different BUT isn't it the things that ARE the same that keep us "Going" knowing that this is "fog" and that 97% of ALL affairs END..SOMEHOW !! It ain't over till it's OVER [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK------------------ desperate "If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" "Wisdom and PRAYER is why!!"

Tanya,I'm very worried. Can you please let us know you are ok.Thinking of you, loving you, and pulling you through this. You WILL make it.love and hugsJo

Hi,I am gonna be gone a few days... and I'm just asking any/all who are around to keep this thread to the top!Tanya and I used to email frequently, and one day she'd just kinda "disappear" for awhile -- but never with an remark that made me worry about her life -- like this time on this thread. And... I haven't heard from her on my email either... so... please keep this up as much as possible.Tanya, you are loved. Please let us know you're okay.------------------ ~Sheryl (a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)Life is difficult. The Road Less Traveled ~M. Scott Peck

just checking.........

Isn't there someone who replied on this thread who knows her personally, can that person check on her and let us know she is ok?

It sure seemed that there was someone who read this thread who was in contact with Exhausted Man and/or Mia. Maybe they could reply - even if they had to do so under a new screen name.

Dear TL,There are a lot of persons out here worried about you. I have checked out that you are in my area. I am going to post my phone number here (if that is ok), to make sure you are ok and if you need to talk. ph: (408) 923-3092 You can ask for Orchid. Please call. If anyone else knows anything, it is ok to call also. I don't have an answering machine at this number so keep trying (it is my second phone line). L.

up to the top again.TL, just let us know you're ok. We're worried, and we care about you so much. We will help you get through this. You WILL get through it.hugs and loveJo

Dear TL,You & I have never really chatted or met. I have been thinking about you and would like to make myself available it that is ok with you. Just checking up to see if you can either call me or post a response. We want to know how you are doing. L.

I am not dead. Not physically. But I feel dead. Outside. Inside. It doesn't matter. Oh, I'm sure I'll "get over this" but just not at any superman pace. My ex came by this last weekend and my D moved back to her home with them. I am staying with my parents for the week so I can get pampered.I appreciate your concern, especially my friend Sheryl and Orchid. I didn't want you all to keep thinking I had done something stupid. (I won't lie and say I've not considered it though)Orchid, I have also considered ways in which I could initiate a civil suit against Mia. I'm not sure at this point what it would accomplish. It obviously won't get my exH back. He's so in love with her it makes me sick. But even if it didn't go very far, the thought of seeing her squirm and worry and use up her financial resources is appealing to me.Thanks again for all your support and concern.

WHEW!!!! Thanks for letting us know you're ok! I didn't post but I checked in all the time to see if you were around.Glad you're back!(((((HUGS))))) Mitzi [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Dear TL,Good to hear from you. Sounds like pampering is a good and you have your fight back. It is ok to still call me. Maybe we can do Starbucks or lunch sometime. Here's my pager: 408-989-0115 will work as long as h has paid his bill. The only item he is paying for me @$7.50 per month - wow.I don't know what I will dig up, but I can share some stuff off line that I did for the OW. Can't post here because H does know about this place. Don't worry, all is legal. Except for the 'poop' incident, I really don't do much, just enough to make them go hmm.... Besides, I did NOT put the poop in the pants (need to clarify that point again).Have a nice day. L.

Orchid: Pls. post your email adddress so I can respond.... Thanks.

Hi TL,Had an uplifting post from BrambleRose and SoTired2000 on a question I had posted to SoTired2000. It really helped me maybe it can do some for you also. Here is my e-mail address: lhmkem@yahoo.comTake Care, L.

TL,I'm glad you replied . It is going to take some time, and your dealing with a lot right now. I wish we all knew what to do in times like this to take the hurt away, but we've all been there, and all can relate, even to the "thoughts" at times too.Thats the best thing for you right now, to be pampered and be with people who love you.hugs and prayers to you, Dana

TL...you have received some good advice from many on this board... Reading your anger, despair, and hurt ...(made me smile)... Please don't get mad let me tell you why... When I started posting over a year ago..I have gone thru the stages that you are now...In fact SOMETIMES I still do...BUT now I see a better future for myself...not like it was before...but better in the fact that thru this forum...I have done all I could to save my marriage... Some things appeared to work and some blew up in my face...but hey I tried them anyway... I am 1 week away from divorce trial date...and you know what I am OK...H is no longer with ow...has no job, living with relatives...and is very miserable.... OK so I don't have a job either, I am right now with my daughter...and my son and i will move in with my parents soon... Yet I have my kids...I have taken a few courses to help me get MY life back on track...I will be going back to school..working part time..building a new life... With or without my husband...You see I told him yesterday that UNLESS he stops the divorce this time ( I have done it twice before) I cann no longer talk to him...I am moving on with my life and have tried everything to save my marriage.. Well AS Dr. Phil says..you must earn your way out of a marriage. I feel I have done this.. I am still angry at time. and jealous, and have triggers too...but now they are less frequent...I find myself enjoying things that I had given up ...so life is returning ..not perfect...but better.. I see a future where once I didn't... So hang in there... Mu H has my attorneys phone number and if he puts it on hold..I will hang on for a while longer..if not well then it is time to move on... I have enrolled in a divorce recovery program thru a locale church...I have know about it for a long time...but wasn't ready before to "RECOVER" now I am ready...and you will too.. Recover after divorce..not recover in my marriage..at least not as of this day and hour. " When life gets too rough..put your problems and worries in God's basket and let him handel it for you..." ((Oh and this is after being married for almost 30 years..)).Love and Prayers Tyra[This message has been edited by Tyra (edited April 04, 2001).]

Hey Tanya,THANK GOD!!! I'll write ya... and thank you for responding... I was soooooooo worried!Love to you [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

------------------ ~Sheryl (a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)Life is difficult. The Road Less Traveled ~M. Scott Peck

Hi Tanya,I'm glad you're 'ok'. I'm also glad you'll be with your parents for a while - it's probably exactly what you need right now.I was away for a few days but I thought of you often, and prayed that you were ok.I'm sure we've all had those 'black thoughts' as I call them. Sometimes this is just too much for one person to bear. But bear it we do, and we will all get through it.I know at times that this board has been my saviour. The people here. Just amazing.I'm not in any position to just 'pop over' and visit to make sure you're ok, even phone calls cost a million dollars a minute with the exchange rate the way it is at the moment, so DON'T EVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN YOU HEAR..........!!!!!!!I'm sending you the biggest hugkeep well and try to take care of yourselfwe all love you, you knowJo