I had to work tonight...I just got home, in fact. I was doing a promotion at a bar for Cinco de Mayo, and I got off at midnight. About 11:30, my cell phone started ringing: It was the Ex. <P>She had a "girls night out" that apparently didn't go very well, and she wanted to know if she could stop by for a drink after I was done working. <P>My first thought was to say "so you ripped my heart out, left me for another man, destroyed my family, and now you want to have drinks with me??? &%#* you!"<P>But I didn't. I asked her why she wanted to do this, and she said "I don't know, just kind of a nice gesture, maybe?"<P>I declined. I said that I wanted to just go home after I finished work. She didn't take that very well. She got all in a huff and said "fine, I was just trying to be nice! I guess I'll just go home."<P>Now, things haven't gone very well for her since she left me. Her job hasn't been going well, money is tight, and I think the thing with the OM fizzled out. She was probably feeling a little lonely, and turned to me out of old habit.<P>I know that one drink would have turned into two, and she probably would've wound up spending the night...I'm very weak in her presence! Yet at the same time I'm angry with her for calling. Sometimes (like tonight) I really wish she would just go away and let me get on with my life!<P>Did I do the right thing?

I think you did what was probably best for you. There are a lot of people here who'll disagree, but for some people the hope for reconcilliation dies and the wandering spouse effectively kills all feelings the betrayed spouse had for them. My STBX has done a spectacular job of this.<P>I think you guarded your heart. A weaker man might have given in, and gotten his ripped out again.<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

<BR>I think you did what was right for you. I know myself when ex calls and leaves messages or something it makes me very angry. I think to myself just leave me alone this is what you wanted. My heart was ripped out for OM. It takes so much to even feel half normal then one call or something and I feel I am back to square one. You just take care of yourself.<P>

I think that you did the right thing as well.<P>Ask yourself....if the "girls night out" would have gone well and she had met someone would she still have called and wanted to have a drink just to be nice???<P>I think if she called and said that she was wrong for D you, that the A was wrong and that she truely was remorseful and wanted to talk reconciliation then that would be okay. <B>IF</B> that is what <B>YOU</B> want CJack.<P>Last night she was just depressed and lonely and needed her ego stroked and turned to you. Probably just testing the water so to speak. I really think that you did the right thing. Everytime you gently push her away makes you stronger. She is beginning to realize at this point that you intend to get on with your life and she is scared. Bet she always thought in the back of her mind that if things with OM did not work that you would be there for her. Besides she is really jealous about the Hawaii thing.<P><BR>Quote:<BR><B>Sometimes (like tonight) I really wish she would just go away and let me get on with my life!</B><P>Maybe you should make it clear to her that there is to be no contact unless it is regarding your daughter and then only by phone if it is an emergency? How do you feel about reconciliation CJack? Perhaps you could tell her that contact beyond matters concerning D is only welcome if she would like to talk about reconciliation. Guess this is PLAN B?<P>BTW...I was out with the girls last night as well, maybe it was something in the air but it was depressing. I told my friends that if this was all the better it got just shoot me in the head and put me out of my misery!!! On the way home they were all joking about how their H's would be all ready for some action when they got home and how they dreaded it....it made me feel so sad, I just cried when I got home. <P>Take Care.<P>