Even though I have seen it with my own eyes, I found the following statements in Judith Wallerstein's book horrifying: <P>"A father's commitment to his offspring is profoundly influenced by what his second or third wife says and does." ... "In most instances I have seen, when push comes to shove he will side with his new mate over his own child."<P>This is the essence of evil.

Or the natural outcome of a society that has for the last thirty odd years been devaluing the role of fathers in a child's life to a greater and greater extent. Man men may very well have been led to believe that their role is nowhere near as important as a mother's and so if they are not completely avialable it makes little difference; we're only now begining to remember how important father are to their children. Unfortunately, this realization has only seemed to come after the successful "screwing up" of a couple of generations of kids.

My guess is it depends on where and how the 2nd wife (or 2nd husband for that matter) came into the picture...if the wife is a product of an affair, she will probably always feel "competitive" for having won "the prize" (please read deep sarcasm into that comment)in an unfair manner. I believe that does breed true competitiveness for new wife over all baggage (including children) that was from the previous marriage.<P>My ex isn't even married or officially engaged (as far as I know) to the bimbo yet - but the prioritizing of her over my kids has already begun...the writing is definitely on the wall there.<P><BR>A new wife who was not involved in the breakup of the marriage would probably be more inclined to see the father/children as a package deal because that is how she met them.<P>Now, not having gone through this process myself yet...I am speaking with no authority whatsoever (though I did read the book )Disclaimer in place, I still think how the relationship established itself makes the biggest impact on how the parents relate to their children after remarriage.<P>Lisa<P>------------------<BR>I am woman...hear me roar...okay - meow...okay - purr? Hey, I'm working on it.

As I understand it....The order in which God intended us to love is...Him (God), Ourselves, our spouse, our children, our families, our friends...<P>As I understand it...since my ex left and divorced me...should I remarry, I need to provide my D with a loving home...In order to do that I need to have a stable marriage...In order to do that I have to put that first...However, I will not every even concider getting involved with a woman that doesn't love Abbey as close to her own as possible...I will not sacrafice my childs attention or well-being for my self-centered needs...The last thing I want are resentments from my wife or my daughter...<P>I do see many situations where people sacrafice the well-being of their children for their own self-centered needs...<P>Can I be successful in this endevor...Lord I hope so!! I think I can but it won't be easy...<P>Bill

You could also look at it like this, seeing more women are becoming more sucessful in the business world and more career minded, that they want to put the more responsibility on the Ex. But I do agree that society has played a major role in the way it portrays Men and there ability to raise children.

Nduli,<P>My H once put nothing ahead of his family. At that time he did, I believe, realize how important a father was. After he moved in with the OW, he said that he would do whatever was necessary to maintain the atmosphere in her house, no matter what the effect on our kids apparently.<P>OnMyOwn,<P>I can see logically how an OW would feel competitive with the kids, though how a mother could be that cruel to anyone's children I will never understand. I just do not understand why the man would let her get away with it. <P>WilliamJ,<P>I do not understand how a man could love a woman who hates his kids. I really think that happens less often in reverse - I suspect that most of the female WS's, no matter how selfish, would not stay with an OM long if he said their kids could only visit a few hours a month. <P>Indie,<P>My children, especially our son, has begged his father to see more of him, and he says "he can't". I have told my H that I am aware that he doesn't see more of them because he is not allowed to, and he has never denied it. He has been unemployed for over a year, yet the kids see him for about 12 hours a month. This is a man who used to bemoan the fact that he didn't get to spend enough time with his children, who often expressed a wish to be a stay at home dad. <BR>