I was struggling to rebuild with my husband after his affair, trying to wait out his job with OW ending, then he got mad (mostly about what I had done after finding out about his affair to cause both of them to be transfered in their jobs) and beat me up. <P>NOW, NOT ONLY IS THERE NO HOPE OF TRUSTING HIM AGAIN, BUT I'M ALSO AFRAID OF HIM.<P>I'm sure that I can't live with him anymore. Saw my lawyer yesterday and (paid him my left arm and right leg) to file. When my H is informed, what will he do next? <P>I know that H and his family will begin a campaign to brainwash my d (she's 8). I expect that my filing for divorce will be his and his family's sign to "take the gloves off." I'm still living in "our" house. It's only about a mile away from where he is living with his mother. We've way out in the country. It's scary! I know I need to move but financially it's a bad idea until we get something "legal" done. He has been helping with expenses and deferring to me with most of the decisions about our d up to now. This rocking the boat is (yes, I'll say it again) scary! <P>I hope by overreacting and expecting the worst...I'll keep it from really happening. (Next, I'll be calling Ms. Cleo).<P>This is the part where you know you've got to take some action, even if it makes things worse, for things to ever get better. <P>My dream (and I'm sure, that's all it is) is that he'll see I'm serious about getting a divorce and be ready to drop back to a "no-fault" and work out an agreement without more prolonged suffering.<P>I just need to get this over and be able to move on!!! <P>I have been given a position with more responsibility at work and I'm afraid that if I can't get my head straight soon...I'm going to blow it and lose my financial security along with everything else I've lost in the last 6 months.<P>It's 4:45 am now, I've been here reading since 2:30...I don't know why I'd be worried about not being able to concentrate at work! At this rate, just staying awake may be a challenge!<P>Thanks for listening. G.

<BR>I can't tell you much, all I can say is that I've been in a scary place myself recently and it gets better.<P>When I left my STBX I had no place to live, no money, no car and no job. He had taken the money out of our account and had the kids, and an attorney already.<P>Here I am now with a nice townhome, a great job, a good car, custody of our kids, and paying back the people who helped me get out.<P>You can make it ... just BE SAFE and document EVERYTHING he says and does ...

(((((GAJ)))))<P>I have no idea what your H might do when he is informed.<P>I think you should call at 1-800-799-SAFE (the national domestic violence hotline) and ask for advice and help. You may need a restraining order...have you talked to your lawyer about that? I know that my attorney had planned for an RO against my H after I served him - I decided I didn't need it, but it was a very good thought.<P>I'm sorry for the circumstances that have led to you joining us over here on our little corner of MBs but welcome. <P>--BR<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

TLC,<BR>Give me more specifics please. Maybe there is some helpful information for me in your experience. <P>Thanks for the encouragement.<BR>G.

GAJ,<P>Have you ever read the book, "The Gift of Fear"? In it, we are taught to LISTEN to our inner voices... your inner voice is telling you to BEWARE. <P>I will be blunt: You are a sitting duck. Does your stbx have a key to the house? If so, change the locks. Do you think he can get in anyway? Leave town. <B>I take abuse seriously</B> and I won't be one of the people saying: "See what happens, it was probably only one time" or "He had a reason"... here's what I will say: "<B>Get out!</B>" <P>Just as there is never an excuse for infidelity, there is NEVER, <B>NEVER</B> a reason for abuse. I am slowly learning that lesson, and it still hurts to believe that I was abused by a H I loved for 18 years ~ heck, I even still loved him through the divorce process! <P>I am frankly worried about you!<P>Please take this VERY SERIOUSLY, because it <B>IS</B> serious, and women are killed by estranged spouses all the time. Too often, in fact!<P>Get some help, get away, and <B>LISTEN TO YOUR GUT</B>!<P>I wish you peace, healing, and safety.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino<p>[This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited June 05, 2001).]