I enjoy reading all your posts. I don't always respond because most of you seem so much better at this than me.<P>In the seven months since my husband left to figure things out (naive me I never even suspected an affair!) I have done a ton of soul searching. Yes, I was very unhappy with both him and myself when he left and it showed. Now however, I am a much happier, stronger, and more fun person. It's like for the first time in a long time I've been able to focus on me.<P>Here's my question. I am a well educated, successful, attractive, loving, and fun person. To top this off I am an excellent mother. Friends, family, and even a few male admirers have noticed the changes in me so why can't the WH? I know he is still with the OW, but is he blind? What will it take?<P>K

still reeling:<P>Sadly, your question follows the path most of us take at MB. We think this is about us, therefore there is something we can do about it. There really isn't. Plan A and Plan B are "what to do while waiting out the affair" recommendations - they do not generally cause a change in the waywards behavior.<P>The question is not "what will it take?". The question is really "how long are you willing to wait for your husband's affair to unravel so he might consider coming back to the marriage". You're not in control of the affair, he is. You are only in control of you.<P>God bless. This is very hard, but the sooner you focus on your own life and the things you can control, the quicker your healing will be.

Distressed is right. You have absolutely no control over WH and/or OW. You only can control what happens in your life and how you can make yourself feel better. I know most people here are here because they are trying to save their marriages. However, you have no control over others, so try not to think about why they cannot see the positive changes in you, and just enjoy your new outlook on life. Concentrate and focus on your happiness and your children's happiness and well-being, and let things fall where they may. Sometimes what we want is not always good for us. And sometimes God has a bigger and better plan for us. You may not see it now, or understand what HIS plans are, but someday you will.

Old saying:<P>"There are none so blind as those who will not see."<P>They don't want to see any changes, it might make them wrong about all the stuff they did....and they don't want to face that.<P>When your H wants to regain his sight, he will...if he ever does. No telling, is there? We BS's have no control over their actions, only our own.<P>------------------<BR>"When the going gets tough, the tough get going" - Nina's dad.

Thanks for the support. In my mind I know I am doing o.k. and will be fine no matter what the outcome. In many ways I am happier than I have been in years. I know that I am a lot less stressed which seems amazing considering what's happened. I don't know where this journey is taking me however, I know it's not over yet and I'm o.k. with that too.<P>K