Not really an earth-shattering question, but something that just irks me to no end...<p>First, a little background: I was married on my birthday (I know, dumb move!), and my XW moved out the day after my 35th birthday (our 3rd and last anniversary). So birthdays are a touchy subject, to say the least! The XW and I are still on fairly good terms, though, and while we're not "friends," we're certainly friendly.<p>Today is XW's birthday. I'm watching our D while she goes out to celebrate. About an hour ago, she calls me from work:<p>XW: "I was kind of thinking I might hear from you today...?"<p>ME: "Um, why?"<p>XW: "Well, you know, just to say happy birthday or something..."<p>ME: "Um, (fumble for an excuse), I've been really busy today and I guess it just slipped my mind."<p>XW: (angry) "Well, I guess I'll just talk to you later." (hangs up)<p>
So the woman who ripped my heart out, destroyed my family and ruined my birthday forever is upset because I didn't call to wish her happy birthday?!<p>Am I wrong to think that she's out of her flippin' mind?!<p>*Married 3 years*
*D-Day 7/4/200*
*Separated 8/11/00*
*Divorced 2/15/01*
*Phoenix, Arizona*<p>[ October 25, 2001: Message edited by: cjack ]</p>

NO!

No, she is attempting to manipulate you by playing on your feelings.<p>I was married to someone who always said something
to the effect that i should have done something after the fact .<p>These are manipulative, tyring to get you to behave towards her in a way she wants, regardless of what she has done in the past.<p>However, you must remember to be polite and show your good side for your daughter. therefore, it is always a good idea to send a card, and make sure your daughter knows that you wished her a happy birthday.<p>WIFTTy

Like I said in another post......they are in a....<p>FFFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFFF
FFF
FFF
FFFFFFFFFF
FFFFFFFFFF
FFF
FFF
FFF
FFF<p> OOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOO
OOO......OOO
OOO......OOO
OOO......OOO
OOO......OOO
OOO......OOO
OOO......OOO
OOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOO<p> GGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGG
GGG.....GGG
GGG
GGG
GGG....GGGG
GGG....GGGG
GGG......GGG
GGG......GGG
GGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGG<p>...BIG time! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hey, just think of your birthday as another year of redemption from past mistakes.<p>Aloha,
Ms.O<p>[ October 25, 2001: Message edited by: Ms.O ]</p>

cjack,<p>She was totally wrong to call you! She had some nerve.<p>Although, I would also like to say this. I think for birthdays, Christmas's, mother's day. It is your responsibility to your daughter to take your daughter out and let her pick out a card and gift for your ex as years go by.<p>Also, you should try to find ways to make your birthday a happy time again. As the years go by and time heals it will be up to you to find ways to make your birthday a happy once again. I know the first few years will be tough but eventually your birthday can and will be happy again if you let it.<p>Being that it is my birthday too, today. I wanted to tell you my x and I are separated and are divorcing. This is mainly my decision, I have given up on our marriage. This is for my own safety and I do know it's for the best. A couple of people asked me if he got me anything and I said "No, he rarely remembered my birthday in the 17 years we were married. Why would he remember it now?" To be perfectly honest with you, I think he would be damned if he did and damned if he doesn't on this one. If he got me something, I would have just felt a sadness, I would have thought, "Oh yea, now that there's no change for us anymore, he finally remembers my birthday." Since he didn't get me anything I think, in a little bit of a bitter way, "Oh yea, he never got me anything before, why should he do anything now." He is definitely damned on this one.<p>Take care guy and good luck with your future. She ripped your heart out but what you do with your life now is all up to you.<p>ANNA

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Anna2000:
<strong>She ripped your heart out but what you do with your life now is all up to you.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>P.S. Cjack, God can give you a new heart. Really. Just ask Him.<p>Aloha,
Ms.O

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Ms.O:
<strong><p>P.S. Cjack, God can give you a new heart. Really. Just ask Him.<p>Aloha,
Ms.O</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Ms. O,<p>I think I will now flame myself. Sheeesh! I sure messed up that sentence. Ok, let me rephrase that. You may feel like she ripped your heart out, but you will find true happiness and love someone again. Just give this time. That heart is still there somewhere or as Ms. O pointed out God gave you a new one! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>ANNA

Thanks for the replies to my admittedly trivial subject!<p>Nina too: If brevity is the soul of wit...<p>Wiftty: Yes, she is and has always been manipulative. Yet I don't believe it is intentional. She learned early on in her life that manipulation was the only way to get attention, and it is now second nature to her.
Since the divorce, I have gone far beyond polite. Since I have no legal claim to our D (I never adopted her and she wasn't part of the divorce settlement), I need to keep everything on the sunny side of civil. The Wallenda's have nothing on me!<p>Ms. O: Well, the Fog lifted 6 months ago. The original OM has been exposed as a total loser and is no longer in the picture. However, I've found that wounded pride can be more powerful than the Fog, in some instances. BTW, I spent a few hours on the Big Island this summer, waiting for a flight to Lihue. I don't know if you know this, but you have the coolest airport in the whole world!<p>Anna2000: Thanks. I have a feeling that it will be a few years before I can really have another "happy" birthday, but who knows? As for your situation, I would hazard a guess that your H remembered your birthday every single time. Yet the mind of an abuser is a different animal. I'm just glad that you're getting out of that situation. <p>As for my heart, I can only guess that like any other muscle, it will eventually heal and become stronger.

cjack,<p>For some people, don't you know - it is always about themselves??? More than anything, she just cares about herself and what she wants for herself. I agree with what others have written - your obligation to her is to make sure she gets acknowledgement (card/gift) from your daughter for her BD and other major holidays, and nothing more.<p>Oh, I got married the day before my BD, so I can understand how you feel about that, since I am also divorced. However, as Anna and Ms. O have pointed out, you can get past letting it ruin your day.<p>Have a good one, Desiree

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Wiftty: Yes, she is and has always been manipulative. Yet I don't believe it is intentional. She learned early on in her life that manipulation was the only way to get attention, and it is now second nature to her. <hr></blockquote><p> WHAT???? <p>if she learned it, and uses it, it is INTENTIONAL!! what's the other choice? accidental, or a perpetual accidental pattern ?
Come on, you are being nice and respectful, but not honest. . . . remember the honesty policy?? honesty does not give out excuses as reasons for behavior. . . <p>and as far as her daughter goes, you want to present a good image as you might be the best father figure the child will have to relate to. . . and that is what she will use to for evaluation for making a choice for a husband. . . <p>good luck!
WIFTTy