Hypothetical Situation...What Do I Say When...?

Alright, maybe its NOT so hypothetical. I think my XW's new BF may pop the question soon, and I frankly don't know how to respond if he does.

Its been over 2 years since she moved out, and 18 months since the divorce. She's been with this guy for almost a year now...ever since she broke up with OM. They're on vacation in Cancun right now, and she mentioned something about them going on a cruise next year. I'm guessing that means they're in it for the long haul. I'm okay with that, but I've realized I don't know how to react when she shows up one day with an engagement ring and says "so, what do you think?"

I'm tempted to say "what...another victim?" or something sarcastic. I know I can't honestly say "good luck" or "congratulations" without coming across as sarcastic and insincere, but I'm working hard to maintain a good relationship with her for our D's sake.

Any thoughts?

Do you have any children? Why do you see her, otherwise?

"Hmm, interesting" and walk off.

"Good for you" and walk off.

"I hope you're both happy" and walk off.

As for my x, he got married almost 2 years ago and he didn't tell me ahead of time and he didn't tell me afterward. So, in light of my personal experience, I don't know that you have anything to worry about.

CJack,

Now I must preempt my line with disclosure that I am in a very sarcastic mood......

xWS: "Look see the rock? What do you think?" (I hope she isn't that dumb to flash anything in your face but if she is...)

BS: Wow, now run before he makes you sign that paper (marriage license)..... Have a nice day!

L.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by cinderella:
Do you have any children? Why do you see her, otherwise?

<hr /></blockquote>That's the ONLY reason this is an issue at all.

Allow me to explain:

"My" daughter is 13. I've been the only "dad" she's ever known, and I've been so since she was 6. I never legally adopted her (never thought it'd be necessary), and we purposefully kept her out of the divorce proceedings. I pay half of whatever she needs, take care of her at every opportunity, and try to stay in her life as much as I can. In order to do this, I have to see the XW.

Now, in order to set a good example for her, I feel it is important not to be petty, vindictive, or vengeful...like her mother! In other words, as much as I can't stand the XW, I try to play nice.

But this is gonna be really hard to play that way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I understand why you still see your X, but is she really likely to wave the ring in front of your face and ask what you think?

When my X got engaged, he called and told me and said he wanted me to hear it from him before I heard it from other people. I think this is a reasonable thing to do. Showing off a ring to an X, on the other hand, is a little excessive. Still, as others have pointed out, the wisest thing to do is to wish her the best and then change the subject to something concerniing your daughter. If X wants to create trouble, this will deflate her better than anything else you can do, and if she really is acting in good faith, to tell you herself rather than have you hear it second hand, why start anything?

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by cjack:
Alright, maybe its NOT so hypothetical. I think my XW's new BF may pop the question soon, and I frankly don't know how to respond if he does.
I've realized I don't know how to react when she shows up one day with an engagement ring and says "so, what do you think?"

Any thoughts?<hr /></blockquote>I think if it were me, I'd respond with, "Why do you want my opinion - it really doesn't matter to you anyway - it certainly didn't matter when YOU cheated on me and went ahead with our divorce. To be perfectly honest with you, I'm very happy you've moved on with your life, found love, and are going to remarry. Have a nice day." Then you turn and walk away without waiting for a response...
No bitterness, just continuing to move on to bigger and better things with a most wonderful Wife who is EVERYTHING my ex-wife wasn't...
Just remember the old song by Journey, "Someday Love Will Find You"
Harold