A ? for the guys if you would please!!! - Marriage Builders® Forums

How do you feel about women persuing you? Do you like it? Dislike it? or how is it that you feel about it? List your age too if you don't mind, I want to see if it's a generational thing or what!!!

I said that this time around, I wanted someone to pursue me, and that ain't happen' and I am wondering why. My oldest daughter and I talked about this the other day, she liked it when her husband had pursued her, she had pursued a few guys in her time, but she liked being pursued. We also talked about why it might not be happening for me, and she was pretty blunt and said "mom you intimadate people" I never thought of it that way. I am very strong, stand on my own person, never thought as myself as an intimadater!!

So anyways a little background on what brought up the thought or question!!!

Thanks guys for your help on this one!!! Ladies jump in yourselves with if you would persue someone or not and what or how it is that you would do that!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by daybreak:
 How do you feel about women persuing you? Do you like it? Dislike it? or how is it that you feel about it? List your age too if you don't mind, I want to see if it's a generational thing or what!!!

I said that this time around, I wanted someone to pursue me, and that ain't happen' and I am wondering why. My oldest daughter and I talked about this the other day, she liked it when her husband had pursued her, she had pursued a few guys in her time, but she liked being pursued. We also talked about why it might not be happening for me, and she was pretty blunt and said "mom you intimadate people" I never thought of it that way. I am very strong, stand on my own person, never thought as myself as an intimadater!!

So anyways a little background on what brought up the thought or question!!!

Thanks guys for your help on this one!!! Ladies jump in yourselves with if you would persue someone or not and what or how it is that you would do that!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <hr /></blockquote>I was always the one who initiated. Until I met my wife. She did the pursuing. I didn't like it at first, because I didn't want anything with her.

But, something struck me after a while.

Jarod wrote
<blockquote>quote:<hr />I was always the one who initiated. Until I met my wife. She did the pursuing. I didn't like it at first, because I didn't want anything with her.

But, something struck me after a while.
<hr /></blockquote>Jarod, You didn't say how old you are! Why is it that you did not initiate with your wife? You said that you usually were the one. What did you not like about it at first? Did she finally wear you down or out?

Thanks,
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I like for her to let me know that she is interested or that I have a chance. But I don't like for her to be overly aggressive. Subtely flirtatious, I think best describes it. Dropping hints every so often that she's digging me. For me, personally, I think that now, whenever I start dating again if I am offered sex too early I will probably step back. It would probably give me flashbacks to how easy my wife was with the other guys. But that's just me. I'm 30 by the way.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> I like for her to let me know that she is interested or that I have a chance. But I don't like for her to be overly aggressive. Subtely flirtatious, I think best describes it. Dropping hints every so often that she's digging me.<hr /></blockquote>I agree with deadtoitall here.

I would be very flattered by a Woman "persuing" me and I may even like it. Wouldn't know for sure unless it happened now. Any other time it came close to happening I was "Happily Married"

I think that with a little mutual flirting, 2 people will see if there is any interest from the other and the persuer/persuee roles will pretty much happen on their own.(but then I haven't done this in 17 years)

WIWH

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by daybreak:
 Jarod wrote
<blockquote>quote:<hr />I was always the one who initiated. Until I met my wife. She did the pursuing. I didn't like it at first, because I didn't want anything with her.

But, something struck me after a while.
<hr /></blockquote>Jarod, You didn't say how old you are! Why is it that you did not initiate with your wife? You said that you usually were the one. What did you not like about it at first? Did she finally wear you down or out?

Thanks,
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <hr /></blockquote>I'm 24.
It wasn't that there was anything I didn't like, neccisarily... it's that, at the time, I didn't want a relationship. Especially not with a single, expectant mother. I greatly admired her, and thought she was a beautiful and wonderful woman... but, still... I didn't want to be involved with anyone.

She didn't wear me down. I made the choice with a clear mind. I'd say, if anyone convinced me, it had to have been The Man Upstairs...
I guess an official memo came down from The Boss, with my new assignment. "Take care of these two, Wynde. It won't be easy... but, I'm counting on you. That raise, and company vehicle are on the way. -God"

I'm 47 and I don't mind being persued a little, just not too aggressively. Mutual flirting works well. If Aug. 2nd ever gets here, I have a short waiting list.

I'm in my (very) late thirties. My take is simple: I appreciate honesty and respect.

If a woman were interested in me, my respect for her would be greater if she came out and told me instead of being too timid to say anything or instead of playing coy little games. (Besides, I wouldn't know to interpret that kind of game-playing as an interest in me personally; I'd more likely take it as just the expression of a flirtatious personality.)

On the other hand, if I did not share her interest in exploring romantic possibilities, and I established boundaries on our relationship, I would not be happy if she failed to respect those boundaries. (I don't think occasional flirtatious reminders of her continued interest would bother me, however.)

If a woman friend confessed to a romantic interest in me, I don't believe that would jeopardize our friendship - at least from my end.

I must admit that this is all just conjecture on my part, though. To the best of my knowledge, no woman has ever pursued me or even expressed the slightest bit of romantic interest in me. Perhaps I'm just one of those guys who everyone always just sees as "friend" material.

Regarding the intimidation factor, I gather that it's not unusual. When a man is attracted to a strong woman, or to a woman who seems to be out of his league, he has to deal with the fears that he will be rejected outright, or that his inadequacies will be exposed (and then he will be rejected), or that he will be dominated. To escape those fears requires an ego big enough to miss recognizing their validity in the first place. To overcome those fears requires an ego strong enough to survive rejection and to view the prospective relationship as an inspiration for self-improvement.

Hmm. Maybe I should flatter myself and consider the possibility that the reason no woman has "pursued" me is that they find me intimidating. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Hey guys thanks for your help!!! However I think I am more confused and that is because of me not you all!!! It's been close to 25 years since I flirted and I am finding that it's not as easy as getting back on the bike again!!!!

The one guy is a friend of x's and mine, we've known each other for years, there are some sly comments back and forth. However we do not see each other unless one of us would set up, I did so this past weekend, so don't know that I should push (pursue) or let the ball be in his court. I would be greatly flattered if he were to call or show up on my door step one night to go for a walk or sit and visit, I have a great deck and view!!! But I don't feel right in doing the same.

The other guy and I have made the eye contact and smiles a few times, but he isn't aware that I am interested, hasn't gotten the hints and I have put a few out there, and I don't care to hit him with a 2x4. We do see each other on a regular basis though.

I guess I have read to many romances and I want to have someone come in and sweep me off my feet!!! UGH!! This is life though so I guess that won't happen! Maybe just doing something nice for me cause you know it would make me smile, the one guy knows that I love cappauciano and I think that that would be great if he would show up sometime with one!!!

I am sure the info that you guys have shared has helped some of the other females on the board, so thank you!!!

Ladies lets hear what it is you would want from a guy?

Maybe we could create our dream dates right here on line!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> I did so this past weekend, so don't know that I should push (pursue) or let the ball be in his court. I would be greatly flattered if he were to call or show up on my door step one night to go for a walk or sit and visit, I have a great deck and view!!! But I don't feel right in doing the same.
<hr /></blockquote>OK So how about a simple "You should drop by sometime"

Not to foward and puts the ball center court!

OK - I'm not one of the guys - 49 year old gal.

But I've ALWAYS preferred being pursued.

No matter what philosophy I've had during my lifetime (atheist to Christian, feminist career woman to stay at home homeschooling mom) this has stayed constant:

My belief that it's just not natural for the female of the species to pursue or compete for the males. I think females, children, society in general, AND males benefit from the male having to compete for the female. One of my favorite movie lines is Jack Nicholson saying "You make me want to be a better man." (In the movie "As Good As It Gets" his date had told him he had better say something flattering to her or she was walking out of the restaurant).

I'm soon to be 39, and not too perceptive. So gals, if you are interested in us not so perceptive types, you may need to be obvious. Tell us about how you feel, use words if necessary, LOL.

I like to be chased a bit, and like to know who I should chase.

Well, no one, right now, I'm still married, but if the good Lord has it in the plan for my lovely bride to walk away then...

Tony

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by meremortal:
My belief that it's just not natural for the female of the species to pursue or compete for the males. I think females, children, society in general, AND males benefit from the male having to compete for the female.<hr /></blockquote>Ugh. Competition.

I don't want to compete for a female. And I don't want to "win" a woman's heart. A woman is not some kind of prize; she is an individual with her own dreams and desires.

If I love someone, I want what's best for that person. So if a woman I love would be better matched with someone else, I don't want to divert her from a more appropriate relationship just because I was more aggressive, or just because I was earlier in line.

It seems to me that in the process by which a woman decides whether I am the right man for her, I can have only two legitimate roles: (1) I must show her who I really am, and (2) I must show her that I love her in whatever ways I can.

If that counts as pursuing...well, OK. But my approach also works in my current situation, where the woman I'm interested in has explicitly forbidden me from "wooing" her.

Ok, I find this topic rather interesting… as it is an area I will undoubtedly need some MAJOR help. I too am a very unobservant type when it relates to woman and signals… dense would probably be a better term. Anyhow, like some of the others I don’t think I would be able to tell if a woman was interested unless she actually came out and said “Hey, ask me out already…” I think I have had a few woman attempt to pursue me… but usually I don’t recognize it until they start annoying the crap out of me (constant emails and phone calls) then I tend to put even more distance between us, I guess to answer the question I find it to be a turn off.

I just wish the signals woman used were easier to read… eye contact and a smile just seem to be too vague at the time it happens. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me. It would be nice if they would just do something like ask about my plans, then follow up with something like “I’d really like to go and see that new movie with so and so in it…” I could take that hint…given the tone of voice and necessary body language and such. But simple eye contact and a quick smile…nah, I usually just see that as “being nice.” To make things even worse… I have just one heck of a time ascertaining the approximate age of people these days. I’m about to be 28, and I’ve been out of the loop for about 6 years… I was never very “in” the loop to begin with. It seems that the older I get, the harder it is to figure out how old woman are. For example, there is a teacher at my son’s pre-school who has done the “eye contact and smile” thing a couple of times, but I can’t pin her age down… never mind that I’m still married for the time being. I have her pegged somewhere between 18 and 25 but I honestly can’t narrow it down from there. She seems interested but… how the hell does a guy qualify the age factor? You can’t just go up to a woman and say “Hey, how old are you? I just want to know if I’d be breaking any laws when I ask you out.” I just don’t see that working.

Anyway, I’m rambling here so I’ll cut it short, I guess as a guy I prefer to do the pursuing. BUT, the signal could sure be a heck of a lot easier to read from my perspective.

It seems in most cases when a woman purses the guy it is because the guy isn't pursuing her. With that in mind if the guy isn't pursuing her he must not be attracted to her. This is what I see going on with me and my friends. It is nice to be pursued but the person being pursued will end the pursuit if he doesn't want anything to do with the pursuer. I am 32.

Lots of good stuff here!!! Lots to make you think and wonder. The reason I asked for ages was to see or compare different thoughts do they run with a certain age group or what.

Confused_guy said something that really struck me and I guess is a pretty much how it is I feel, guess I wanted to step outside of the box and I am finding that very un-comfortable. Was very self concious as a 250lb women and thought that it would be different a 100lbs lighter, but it's not.

Confused_guy said <blockquote>quote:<hr />It seems in most cases when a woman purses the guy it is because the guy isn't pursuing her. With that in mind if the guy isn't pursuing her he must not be attracted to her. <hr /></blockquote>Thanks guys for all of your responses, I'll be out of town til Saturday morning, but will check in then.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> It seems in most cases when a woman purses the guy it is because the guy isn't pursuing her. With that in mind if the guy isn't pursuing her he must not be attracted to her. <hr /></blockquote>I have to disagree with this. I have been atracted to other women that I did not persue. Even before my W.

I would say that it's more like the guy would not be persuing because he doesn't have an imidiate intrest or feels that the woman wouldn't. A little persuing from the woman can spark that intrest to lead the guy into the persuing.

How many times do people not come foward because they say to themselves"Why would that person be intrested in me?"

I say that if you have an intrest in someone you need to do something to let it be known.

OH I'm 35 and I too have trouble judging the age of women.

You all look the same to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WIWH

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> Was very self concious as a 250lb women and thought that it would be different a 100lbs lighter, <hr /></blockquote>WOW 100 pounds. Good for you

You must feel great!

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by confused_guy:
...if the guy isn't pursuing her he must not be attracted to her.<hr /></blockquote>I disagree with this too. I have women friends right now to whom I am attracted, but I am not pursuing any of them.

Attraction simply isn't a good enough reason for me to start a "pursuit." Before I would approach a woman in a way I thought might be interpreted as an indication of romantic interest, I would need to know her well enough to have satisfied myself that:

(1) She is unattached.

(2) There appears to be good compatibility in the areas of faith, values (both moral and personal), interests, intelligence, and personality.

(3) She is sufficiently mature and sufficiently stable.

It takes time to ascertain these things, which means that before I would consider "dating" a woman, either we would have to develop a friendship first or I would have to learn these things from a mutual friend or family member whose judgment I trusted.

Note that if a woman were to pursue me, even subtly, it would no doubt expedite the learning process. I do take opportunities to talk to any woman I find attractive, but I try not to do it too overtly or too often, lest I send the wrong signal. But if she were to approach me, that's an opportunity to get to know her that I didn't have to look for or wait for.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by WishI WereHome:
A little persuing from the woman can spark that intrest to lead the guy into the persuing.<hr /></blockquote>I have heard it said that when someone is attracted to you and shows it, you are more likely to find them more attractive in turn. (Alas, I have negligible experience in such matters.)

<blockquote>quote:<hr />How many times do people not come foward because they say to themselves"Why would that person be intrested in me?"

I say that if you have an intrest in someone you need to do something to let it be known.<hr /></blockquote>Personally, I think it's both sad and ridiculous how much emotional energy is expended both on wishing and wondering, just because someone is too afraid to speak up.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />...I too have trouble judging the age of women.

You all look the same to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <hr /></blockquote>Yeah, I'm in the same boat. This young lady I'm interested in...I wonder whether I would have fallen so hard for her if I had known at the time just how young she was. But by the time I found out, it was too late... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

I am 37 yr old female, I pursued my ex boyfriend for a year. I met him at a bar where I worked and we became friends. It was a mutual attraction but he only wanted casual, no relationship. I purposely showed up at the bar when I saw his car, I really pursued. He did like me but it took a full year after I was finally giving up and took off for two weekends in a row that he realized he wanted me. The only thing I can say was that I always felt I loved him more than he loved me. After 7 yrs I left and I think that is when he realized how much he loved me, even to the point of proposing but it was too late.

My current H we met after being neighbours for over a year. Both became single about the same time and we met in another neighbours driveway (get together). After 6 wks told me I was not what he wanted cos he wanted a family my kids were teens and my tubes tied. So I went on other dates, and since we remained friends I told him about the date. I showed up to visit the neighbours and he would join us. 2 wks after the break up he came back around and asked me out again. He said he missed me and realized he was jealous that I was dating etc. 3 yrs later we now have a 14 mths old baby after having a reversal.

I guess I pursue and I play little innocent games to get what I want.

Marie

A lot depends on what is meant by pursued.

I’ve had women call me, not to pursue, but to “chat,” letting me know they are now free and available. After that, it was up to me to act.

What is interesting is the only woman who ever pursued me is my first wife, who is still trying to break up my present marriage, even though she is the one who left our marriage. That was back in 1980! I am now 65 years old, and I am happy that my present wife (of 19 years) and I still pursue each other. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It's Saturday!!! What do I do? I am just not sure!!! One of my girlfriends has a bunch of people going out tonight and she suggested that I call the friend of x's and invite him along. I'm thinking about it, I guess if he doesn't accept the offer I know where I stand!!!

Wish me luck!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LOL

You go Dawn!!!!!

GOOD LUCK!!!!

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by daybreak:
One of my girlfriends has a bunch of people going out tonight and she suggested that I call the friend of x's and invite him along. I'm thinking about it, I guess if he doesn't accept the offer I know where I stand!!!<hr /></blockquote>How's that? If he doesn't accept, it could very well just mean that he has prior plans of his own, or that he has things he has to get done which don't allow him time to accept a last-minute invitation.

There's a chance that issuing an invitation like this could communicate a greater "interest" than this guy had previously been aware of, but...nothing's certain.

In recent months I've received an occasional invitation from one woman or another to join her for lunch or dinner or drinks or a movie. However, in each case, these invitations came from friends and (except in one instance) were for group outings. I never got the impression that any of these women had any romantic interest in me.

Perhaps I'm just obtuse or oblivious, but...it's not like I'm not considering the possibilities.

I read an article a while back in which a psychologist was observing flirting. 80% of the men missed the flirting signals the women were giving out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Women must realize the the fear of rejection is a very powerful force. Anything a woman does to reduce that fear will increase her odds of getting asked out by an interesting man. It really is that simple. You don't have to pursue, you just have to reduce the fear of rejection.

I do think it is important to return a flirt or a friendly gesture. One of my great frustrations is when I go to a dance, ask a woman to dance, and they don't return the favor or do anything to indicate their interest. A few weeks later I hear that "Sally was really hoping you would ask her out for coffee or a drink after the dance".

I have decided not to date at this time, so maybe I am sending out mysterious signals that indicate that. But, the same thing happens to my buddies and they are very single and very anxious to go out with charming, intelligent women.

[ June 07, 2004, 05:19 PM: Message edited by: JustinExplorer ]

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JustinExplorer:
 ...with charming, intelligent women. <hr /></blockquote>No offense to the ladies... but were do these reside??? I would jump all over the chance to spend 5 minutes with one of these... after the D is final of course <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ...I find it fascinating.

Oh, by the way... i agree with the rest of JE's post 100% whole heartedly!

[ June 07, 2004, 05:23 PM: Message edited by: Want My Wife Back??? ]

OK, daybreak, here it is in all it's glory.

Read the book "Young at Heart: The Mature Woman's Guide to Finding and Keeping Romance", by Rachelle Zukerman, Ph.D.

It is written for women 50 and over, but, I think that the material can easily apply to all women and even to men.

dawn,

how did it turn out?

Hey sing good to see ya, how's the summer break going?

Anyways it didn't go!!! Didn't answer when I called and didn't leave a message. BUT seen him the next day on a volksmarch thing to Crazy Horse Monument (cool thing) am not sure that he seen me, but he was with some little thing and her mother, So I pretended to not have seen. BUT the guy that my friend is interested in asked her out, so the night wasn't a total bust!!! It was fun watching her flirt some!!!

We have a Youth group at Church raising funds for a trip this summer and they place angels in your yard for someone else for a fee and you pay to move them onto someone elses yard. Anyways Saturday night all of us singles from church where together and everyone had had the angels but me and low and behold they were in my yard when I got home!!!! So I paid to have them sent to the church guy, am not sure if they went there or not as you put down two choices and his place is waaaaaaaay out in the country so am not sure they went there or not (and no I am not calling to find out had planned to find out tonight at a meeting which we both set on the board for, he wasn't there) Soooooooooooo now I am thinking (see my mind doesn't stop sometimes) he didn't come to the meeting tonight because he knew I would be there and it was just too forward of me!!!!!

It's just tooo much for me!!! I give up!!! Can't even imagine doing the internet thing!!!! But you know what I am fine, I am not needing anyone, just thought that it would be fun to have someone around to get to know!

C ya, Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dawn,

Maybe you're trying too hard.

Try to let it go, be yourself, and see what happens.

I've found over and over again that when you want something to happen, it doesn't untill you stop trying and wishing for it to happen.

Sending an angel to a friend/fellow church group member is not too foward and would not scare someone away. If anything I would think it would draw him to the meeting to show appreciation.

Maybe he didn't get the angel but was hoping too and that's why he didn't show. Perhaps he thinks you sent it to someone else and was dissapointed.

Be positive!!!!!

WIWH

Wish I try very hard to stay positive all the time!!! Sometimes it's just hard!!!

I got stood up tonight!!!! My best friends kids are gone this week and next and so she is home alone so invited her to supper and she got called by the Saturday night guy and asked out for pizza, so I am very happy for her. She was very forward though and called the guy up and said something like someone said that you and I might be interested in each other, could we do coffe or something sometime. We've all been out before as a group thing so tonight is their first true date!!!! It's just not me!!! I am with you going on about my business and if something happens it does and if it doesn't it's ok!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dawn,

You know my story/profile and recently diving at the dating pool <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> . I want to let you that like many other replies stated ... Not persuing doesn't mean not attracted at all. There are many reasons beyond that and it is not as simple as black/white. Time will tell. For example, I won't do anything (pursue) Dv'ng or separating woman even she is my dream gal.

Don't get discourage !. Be yourself and show your interest ... If you have to work hard just to get attention then you are looking to get hurt. If he is clueless then move on. You will find one, the right one. You are someone's dream gal, you have to find him.

Put yourself in your target rich environment (dr. phil) and let it rides. I just passed Email/IM/Pictures screening and 2 hours of phone chats ... she is 36 and fit my preferences. We both cut the BS and go to the point. I passed the screening and we both attracted to each other. I am going to meet her this weekend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

-rh-

Hey Redhat,
What site did you meet this special person on?
Thanks! Sounds exciting. I wish you the best
KK

red,
Thanks!!! I am just going to set back and see what happens, there is no one that has totally captivated me yet.

I do know that someone special is out there for me and someday the Lord will have us meet, can't push the Lord though!!!! So I'll wait!!! It's just lonely sometimes waiting, seeing others have what you want and miss is hard!

Best of luck to you!!! We have a friend that meet someone online that is getting married the 26th of this month. I just am not comfortable with that type of thing at this time!!! I've watched some friends get totally burned.

Anyways,
Dawn

I heard a great song on the radio today called, "Somebody" by Reba McEntire. It made me smile, just think out there somewhere is somebody waiting just for me.

So keep the faith my friends! I truly believe that there is someone special out there for everyone and all we have to do is wait for God to lead them into our life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

kk2002, Yahoo!Personal <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Funny you asked !When I saw her pictures in her ads, I thought I must met her before and I could not recall ... It turns out that I saw her at the 50th anniv. of the rink. LOL!, I have noticed her then but I was busy helping around. I am excited and counting the hours <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> 'till Saturday afternoon.

Dawn, I love online personal. I am a martian, very visual. I am not Brad Pitts but AS is one of my top ENs. It saves time and embarrasment !. You know their preferences and they know yours ... plus it is much safer ... they don't even need to know your email address or IM ID or phone number 'till you are done screening them. Plus you could verified what they post and what they said later when you ask them.

While you are waiting ... get a book by [censored] Purnell, Finding a Lasting Love ... it is a good christian book on dating.

-rh-

[ June 11, 2004, 04:11 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]

Tommy,
That is one of my favourite songs right now, but then Reba is my hero!! I love her show on Friday nights on WB!!! The video is pretty cool!!!

red, I will have to look for the book, thanks for all your help and support on the subject, it's easy to get discouraged but I have friends here online that help!!!! Am not sure about me doing the online thing yet though, might be a way to get my feet a little wet in the male/female conversation area.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dawn,

You need to go out and test the water <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . I did last year when I decided that I will look for someone to commit to when I am done with my personal recovery. I go out with potentials and learn to "date". It takes practice to get comfortable around opposite sex, specially your potential <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . My dates are social dates ... non-romantic dates. I only have one kindda romantic date but the R didn't work out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . I have no regret and I learn something out of it. When your potential couldn't commit there must be more to the story ... just wait and time will reveal it or cut the losses. I learn to cut it and time will reveal the reason anyway. It is a red-flag.

Yesterday, she told me that she was re-arranging her furnitures and pack some stuff to keep it in the storage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . For this Saturday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I am a bit nervous about tomorrow. This is not going to be social date. I just bought a new ties & shirt, cut & dye my hair and clean up my place too. Hmm ... I have to find either Daisies or pink roses ... her fav. flowers.

-rh-

red,

What a guy you are!! Do you have any brother?????

A bunch of us went out last night to a country bar down the road a ways and guess who we ran into? The old friend. We had a nice time, He asked me to dance and I said that I had never learned to two step, so we fixed that. It was fun. We teased and joked quite a bit. He walked us to the door and said that he would call to check up with me tomorrow but probably wouldn't get a hold of me and I said that I had re-hooked up the answering machine. But no call, so I will call tomorrow and give him a bad time about it, in a teasing way, as I wasn't hurt by his not calling. Kind of decided that I just need him to be a friend, that I enjoy his company and the banter we put back and forth. I guess you could say that he is a safe friend to have around.

Hope all went well tonight and that you found either daisy or pink roses, I have both in my yard blooming right now!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

dawn,

I have 2 brothers but they are married <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

Make sure your guy freind is on the same page as you and also be open if either of you want to change the plan to the next page <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

About my date ... yesterday as soon as I posted my reply she IMed me and ask me if I am busy or not and if I want come by her house and bring ice cream. awwwww ... so I bring her fav. flavor (chocolate mint & strawberry) and a DvD "Lost in Translations" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . After the ice cream & watching the DvD, we talked and exchange more info. She sent me home 2 hours later (3am) w/ a hug and kiss on the cheek <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> . So offically the first date is a day earlier than expected.

I was late. I was cleaning up my place just in case she wanted to check my place out afterward. I didn't bring her daisies nor pink roses <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> . However everything went well !. Dinner at Indian rest., walk in the park w/ golden gate & alcatraz as a background, then comedy club. After the show we went to her place and talked some more. This time she sent me home w/ a hug and when I ask her if she want to go out again w/ me she sealed my lips w/ a kiss <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I guess that meant yes.

Hey red that is cool!! I am glad that things worked out for you!!!!

As far as the friend goes, yes I think that we are on the same page, but will put it out there again in my book you have to be friend first and then things can move on. I left a message on his machine this morning about meeting to go to a dance lesson as I really need the help!!! And then he left a message on my machine so I will call back later.

On Thursday of last week I was pretty ok, neither guy had shown any recent interest and I was ok, I actually liked it as there was none of the maybe and what if thoughts going through my head, left room for important stuff!!!! And then Friday night ran into friend guy. And then this morning I got to Church for Sunday school a little later then usual and church guy was still there, hasn't been to Sunday school in I don't know how long. Made eye contact, smiled that whole thing and then someone came up to talk to me about one thing and then another, church guy looked at me as he went to set down and I nodded and then a 3rd individual came up to talk to me and I seen church guy leaving he did look at me as he walked out the door. So now am not sure what that meant. UGH!!!!

Oh well tomorrow is Monday and I have another busy week!!! But hey my dad and son-in-law changed my truck tire for me this afternoon as it had a drywall screw in it, so that was nice of them!!! I just wish I understand the other guys in my life as easily!!!

Have a great week and keep us posted on the lady friend. You are much bravier then I am at this point!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dawn,

I am in trouble <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .. we are open and honest and within 4 dates in a row (4 days) straight we exchange information that for normal dating would take months or even never !. She is very together and read/understand Dr. Phil's books. Just now we are exchanging bounderies for area that are non negotiable. We know that we have a long way to go even with this speedy emotional intimacy ... so now we just try to enjoy each other company plus matching what we told each other and our actions <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . We are commited to try to work our R and I better start introduced her as my GF <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Take it easy Dawn w/ your friends ... be yourself and let them know if you are interested and brush it off if they aren't responding to you. You will meet someone that would be willing to step up to the plate. You will meet someone that would protect, cherish and treasure your best. So be a freeloader when you just starting ... move as a renter when both agree w/ the contract ... move as a buyer when both agree to iron out and start doing 4 gitfts of love.

Never - ever - doing 4 gifts of love (as a buyer) in the early stages, you are opened for hurt and being taken advantage of.

-rh-