I'm toying with the idea of registering on an online dating/matching site.

I'm not real sure about this whole idea, and wondered if anyone had any experience with it, and it so, what kind?

I have entered my name on one, but not registered.
They have sent me a few matches, and I have to admit, it was fun reading about them.

I have not yet taken the next step, and thought I would come here for advice.

K~

Well, I haven't actually done it yet, but they seem neat. Correction, I *did* do a profile, but made it invisible. See, my husband and I are separated and we originally agreed we'd date other people. I have since decided not to (after coming to this site) so I removed my profile.

Can I recommend match.com or eharmony? Both have extensive personality tests to help match..and match.com also has a "physical test" helping to find people you consider physically attractive and people who would find you physically attractive.

they can be expensive so I advise joining one and just seeing what happens..don't pay yet until you get a good feel for the place (you can usually join but not pay until you find someone you'd like to contact).

The two sites I mentioned seem to have REAL people and aren't all about sex!

Let us know how it goes if you decide to go this route <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Just wanted to mention something else...

Make sure you are SAFE!!! The sites I mention have protections in place to make sure no one has your personal information unless you give it to them.

If you do this and end up wanting to meet someone, make SURE that someone knows where you are going, how long you expect to be, etc. You may even ask them to call you at a certain time if you've got a cell phone to make sure you're okay...and then you call them once your date is over to make sure you got home ok.

Karona-

You already know I have never done this, but I think MaddyK has given you excellent advice.
I will also try to find out from my cousin who has had online success where she went through as she was pleased with all its criteria and felt safe even though in a big city full of strangers and possible lunatics. Good luck and GO KARONA!

By the way MaddyK, I commend you on making the decision not to date until your divorce. I think it will help you because it will allow you time to deal with the end of your marriage and not just rebound into something else. I also can say as someone who didn't date, although it was difficult and lonely at first (I was also pregnant during most of our separation so that helped keep me from dating) as my divorce drew closer I was proud of myself morally for the decision.

Sorry Karona for spinning off topic there. By the way, not that I'm looking for anyone, but from what you write about yourself I'd say we're both attractive and other than that pretty opposite physically. We need to get together, hit the town, and see what's up. How far is is from WI to WV?

Take care and God bless!
K

Maddy~~
Thanks for you reply, and very good point!
It is so scary meeting a total stranger, and to make sure someone knew what I was doing is such good advice!
Thank you, and thanks for taking the time to respond.
As lonely as it is and tempting, you are doing the right thing by waiting.
I will be honest. While I was separated I did meet someone. My marriage was over, I was legally separated, and was told by my attorney that I was free as far as law was concerned to date.
In my mind, I did rationalize that my X threw me out like trash more less, and he gave me the paper of dismissal that the Bible talks about. We were waiting for our court appearance and sig.
BUT....
For me, I always had guilt because I felt it was wrong, but I continued.
I did not plan on meeting this person, it happened innocently.
I had been through two really rough years, and I felt like I was at the bottom of a pit.
I would say I made a mistake, and I hurt this person in the end because I had no business dating.
Anyway, take it from someone who has been there, done that. You will most likely feel better if you wait.

Still~~
As always, you come through for me!
Thank you for your support!
I'll be honest. I had a strong feeling I would hear from you on this, but I thought you were going to say NO KARONA!
I don't know if I will follow through or not.

Wouldn't we have fun going out! We seem to have so much in common.
I'm thinking there is a pretty good distance between us.
Too bad. This summer we went to the Mall of America. That would have been much closer to you I'm thinking.

Thanks for your support. I hope you get to talk to your cousin, and if so, please share.

K.

I registered for match.com

I don't want to date anyone from work because of potential conflict.

I would like to meet someone fresh. You get to publish what you want. Its a good site.

Another good source is friends, but their is pressure in that, and its hit or miss. Mostly miss.

They had a personality test and age limit which helps you mate up with someone of like kind via a match search.

There is no obligation, you can start by sending an email. I've seen some very good women on that site.

I think its a good idea, particularly for older folks like me.

I'll let you know how it works out!

Well, I was on Match.com for over a year.

I don't know what anyone else's experience is, but I wasn't terribly impressed.

I went on a lot of first dates with supposed "matches" that wound up being nothing. I even had an experience where I met a woman for dinner and we both decided it wouldn't work before we even got a table!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />


I did wind up dating someone that I met through the service for about 6 months, but it fizzled out some time ago.

I've gone back to being "set up" by my friends, and it seems to be working...I've met someone that seems to be a better match than anyone I met online, and I didn't have to pay 25 bucks a month!

WOW!

Good input. Blind dates are tough!

From whatever source!

But as new singles, post divorce, we must go forth!

I'm working on my first date on match.com. I'll let everyone know how it goes!

I'm looking forward to meeting a new lady.

Best to ALL!

Thanks ST and CJ~~

Very interesting!

I have to say, I don't put alot of faith in this whole thing.
I think I would have to experience it, to believe it!

I hear you on the membership fees though.
I almost feel like I must be desperate! To pay to meet someone, sounds pretty pathetic.
But, really, it's where I live.
I live in small town, and most people are married.
The church I belong to is family, I don't know of any singles, except women.
So, trying this online thing seems like a possibility.

CJ~~
That hurts, stopping a date before it ever started. That would be enough for me to throw in the towel!
And this was a "match"? Now that gives me hope!

ST~~
Let us know what happens with your date!
I'm very curious!!

Thanks for replying!
K.

Before I was married, I did the on-line dating thing. I was very selective, and met some wonderful men.

In fact, 15 years later I am still in contact with 2 of them. I think it is very important to email and talk on the phone awhile before you meet them in person.

One thing I did notice, most have just broken up with someone, and have all of those "issues". But I did meet quality men, that I never would have met in real life.

Plus I had a lot of fun. At one point I was dating 5 men at once. But I did take my time, and met them in public first, after talking to them for a couple of months.

One site that you will get lots of local (or international) matches is www.americansingles.Try checking it out. Two of my men friends ended up marrying women they met there.

Thanks Believer!

I see you have a big family now, Congrats to you!

I find it interesting that you are still in contact with a couple of guys. That must mean that there are quality people out there.

I'd say you were quite busy there for a while, 5!

I'm starting to come to the conclusion, that this whole online thing is not much different than meeting a stranger in person.
I would be taking the same risks in getting to know a guy.

Thanks for writing!
K.

karona - Yep, this is 2004. Things have changed in the dating world. I don't know how old you are, but when I did the on-line dating, I was 42.

I talked to 100's of guys. Of the ones I dated, I will give you a rundown.

The first one was a father that had 2 boys living with him. He was divorced and an environmental engineer. I liked him, but he moved on. However he was very nice.

The second one was a single guy, my age. He had his own home. My boys loved him, but I didn't. He treated me very nice, and we did lots of things together. However, the sparks just weren't there for me.

The third had his own business, and was just divorced. I was not too interested in him, but he was very interested in me. I let that one drop.

The fourth was an electric engineer. He raised his kids by himself. My kids liked him and I did too. In fact, we almost got married, but I chickened out at the last. He is still a friend however.

The fifth was an electrician. He was very good to me and my kids liked him. However, while I was dating him, I met my husband. So he and I are still great friends.

So my advice is to jump in there. But be cautious and take your time. There are a lot of good men out there, and some bad ones. So you have to figure out which is which.

T

Hi again Believer~~

Interesting again, I'm 41, so I'm where you once were!

I really want to meet someone, but I almost feel like I'm too old for this whole dating scene. If my X was going to leave me, why didn't he do it when I was in my 30's?
At that point in my life, I worked in an environment that would have been so easy to meet men.
My kids were young, and life was considered easy.
Fastforward 8 years. I'm a SAHM, living in a small town, and really don't feel I have the option to work because I feel I need to available for my D's. (my oldest had a very serious illness coming up on 3 yrs ago. She still requires close monitoring)Anyway, it's just not as easy as it was.
I would not have chosen to be a divorced single mom, but this is where I have ended up.
Now, I have to move on. I'll admit, I am looking for the happily ever after! I want that great story that you hear about.

Thanks for sharing your dates. They do sound positive. And these were all from online dating?
How did you feel about yourself at the time, being 42?
I do feel that I'm still attractive and I'm in pretty good shape. Yeah, there could be some adjustments, but for the most part, I feel like I'm marketable, (I guess thats what this is, a market, but hopefully not the meat one that it used to be in our 20's).

I really do appreciate your honesty and sharing your stories. Very positive info!
Thanks,
K

karona - I am much, much older than you.
But I always felt that I would find someone, and I always did. There are lots of men out there, trying to find you. So go for it.

Thanks Believer!

Again, I appreciate your kindness and your sharing you experience with me.

I do believe I will find someone, and so many have said when I stop looking it will happen.
Maybe I should stop!

Take care,
K.

I am a 49 yr old female and have used some online sites. While I haven't found "the one", each of the men I've met were exactly as they appeared and described themselves in their profile. Again, we e-mailed and IM chat first....phone calls..meet in a public place with a friend or family member knowing about it. None of them were anything other than a gentleman with me...although I understand that's not always true.

I did not meet my husband on line. But I sure had fun until he came along.

I still think there are lots of people looking for someone, so why sit around and be lonely?

I am 37 and I met my wife on match.com a little over a year ago. It has been a fairy tale ever since. We were married May 8th in a big Catholic wedding.

Before her I had met some nice women after weeding out the questionable ones. Unfortunately most profiles say pretty much the same thing.

It's still kind of funny telling people you met on line. The best part is when they privately ask for advice on how they can meet someone like her.

Using an online dating service means pulling your pants down and saying "I want be with someone and I haven't succeeded the traditional way".

That's like admitting you're not happy being alone.

There are still a lot of players online. The cost of the online dating is nothing compared to the cost once you actually meet someone.

We were 100 miles apart before we were married. I put over 25000 miles on my car traveling to be with her.

Thanks guys!

HF~~
thats a positive note, that the men did seem true to what their descriptions were. I have wondered about that part, so thats good to know!
Believer~
So you had a good time eh? That's great!
I did wonder if you had met your H online. Thanks for clearing that up!
SB~~
Yeah, I hear you. I do feel like, no one wants me, so I have to try this approach. Truth is, I don't think anyone knows I even exist.
I know of no single men, and I'm not even sure that there are any in my immediate area.
Anyway, Congrats to you and your Bride! Neat success story!!

Thanks for sharing,
K.

ok - my 2 cents worth!
I have used eharmony and that is how I met my former bf. After he and I went out about 3 times he said he was taking him self off eharmony, so I did too. Now that we are no longer seeing each other I have thought about trying it again, but have decided to wait awhile. I am not feeling ready to put my heart on the line again just yet.
What I really want to say though is to be very careful with match.com. Eharmony will not allow "seperated" (still married people) to register - but match.com will allow it. On match.com you could end up with married guys responding. I know my ex is on there - and he has numerous flat out lies on his profile. Also - I know of 2 other people with profiles on match.com who are married.
It sounds like some others here have had good match.com experience, so it may be worth trying out - but just be carfeul.
I think match.com will give you more responses than eharmony. Eharmony is quite particular about the matches they make, so you get fewer responses. But hopefully the few you get will be better suited to you!

Sea Breeze ,
I am 37 and I met my wife on match.com a little over a year ago. It has been a fairy tale ever since....

Using an online dating service means pulling your pants down and saying "I want be with someone and I haven't succeeded the traditional way".

That's like admitting you're not happy being alone.
You start out suggesting online dating is great and then change to you're a loser to do it.
Which is it?

Thanks WomanofFaith!
I don't know if you remember, but I'm the one that shares your same divorce date, and married 18 yrs also.
I have heard of Match.com, so that is very interesting info.
I think I will stay clear of that one!

Chris-CA~~
You know, I was trying to be positive about what was written there, but I really wasn't sure where they were going with it either.
Just for the record!
I'm not pulling my pants down,
and No, I don't want to be alone forever. It is lonely at home by myself when my kids go with their dad.
To a point alone time is good, but then theres too much.

Thanks for the back up!
K.

I sort of met my H on match.com. I saw his profile and figured out he was the father of one of my daughters friends. He lived 50 miles from me so I thought why not and e-mailed him. That was Oct 2001 and we have been together ever since. I enjoyed all of the people I met on the the service. I only went out on two dates including my H but I did meet and get to know alot of really nice guys.

Jill

Jilly~~
Small world eh? That's somehting.
Neat the you married your date!

Thanks for sharing!
K.

Chris-ca, Karona

What I was trying to say is online dating reveals to the world that you are looking. You can't disguise it as anything else.

Going online means admitting to yourself and someone you meet online that you are actively pursuing a relationship. It is hard enough to be honest with yourself.

I don't see it as a bad thing at all. I think it is very good actually. The problem is the perception. For men it is still publicly "taboo" to want a real longterm relationship even though that is what most men want. For women there is such a stigma about being good enough to be loved and online dating is like the last hope.

Friends of mine will joke about online dating in front of the guys, but in private they want to know how to do it.

Within days of our first date we both pulled our ads off of match.com and saved them. It's still kind of funny to talk about it, but nobody doubts the results with us.

I totally agree with the statement that if you are on an online dating site, you are saying you want a relationship. And that is HARD for me to say. I really enjoy my life, and I think my children and I are doing really well. I'm busy at grad school and raising my children, and I have good friends. I have a peace and contentment about my life that can only come from God, and I don't feel like there is a big gaping hole in my life without a partner. I almost feel like I have been given so much, why ask for trouble? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> But I would like to love and be loved again, I just have to get honest enough with myself to admit that. But admitting it doesn't change the fact that I have found it difficult not to get dates, but to get dates with quality, highly moral and spiritual men whom I find attractive. So maybe I think that I can't be disappointed if I don't try. Some of me rationalizes by saying that if it is God's will for my life to have someone it, He will make that happen without me actively seeking it. I'll stop rambling, but whoever said it is hard to admit you would like a relationship hit the nail on the head for me.

WhoamInow,

Nice post.

Whether single, married, divorced or whatever everybody tells us to be happy with who we are and I guess a lot of who we are is determined by our relationship status.

God/religion gives us the tools and direction to lead our lives. I don't believe in the expectation of intervention or that something will happen on it's own. Now I an a firm believer in divine intervention. I wouldn't be alive today otherwise.

When I met my blushing bride on match.com I had accepted that I will be single for awhile...maybe forever. That didn't stop me from trying. Finding the right person for you and sticking to your guns is important, but you might be surprised where that person will come from or what they'll be like.

I've changed an awful lot since I met my W and so has she. It has been easy. Very easy with her. Before her dating kind of sucked.

One advantage of having experienced a failed marriage is knowing when it is good and appreciating it.

SeaBreeze,

Thanks for clearing that up for me!

I didn't think you were trying to slam me, since you had sucess with the online thing.

I guess that is a feeling I have. That if I do this, I must be totally desperate!

To a point, I feel like this is a last resort for me.
I don't know why, but in my mind I just knew that I never had to try to date. I thought my friends would be setting me up.
I do have a lot of female friends, most married, and have lived here all their lives.
They all know my situation, and I just figured through them, I would meet someone.
Enough time has passed, and that is not the case.
I'm learning that if I want to meet someone, I will have to do this on my own.

The only total comfort I have with being single at this point is, not being married to someone that I have to wonder what they are doing. Are they having contact with OW, sleeping with her, secretly meeting while telling me nothing is going on. Working late, or.....Working weekends, or....
In that part, I can say I'm 100% content.
But,
I do need to feel love again. I'm not ready by any means to get married, but I would like to have someone special in my life.

Thanks again for sharing.
K~