Tis the season y’all and we’re already seeing the holiday blues shadow or boards. I, as well as anybody, know the feeling of the lonely lost depressing holiday season. So as I see it we can either swim in the pool of despair or choose to enjoy the holidays. Now is the best time of year to hide that pitty pot and begin living. If anyone has any suggestions that will help someone let’s put ‘em out there.

Thanksgiving: Make a gratitude list of all the things you truly are thankful for. If this is something that you’ve never done, you’ll be surprised at how many awesome things there are in life. Take time to focus on the positives.

Christmas: This is such a family orientated holiday that it is tough to do it alone, especially when our focus in on ourselves rather than the reason for the season. If you’re a believer then focus on the miracle that occurred. Think of Christ’s walk knowing that He was going to shed his blood that we may have life ever after. Are you spending His blood wisely? If you have time, this is a great time to do service work in your church or community for those who truly are on tough times.

As I see it, we all have choice this year, I’m going choose to be happy. What are you going to choose?

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

Lost Husband - Well I am with you - I am going to choose to be jolly.... I mean I am only turning 40 - divorced, broke, single mother of one teenage daughter and another one almost teenage daughter - with their dad's ow still living next door to me... absolutely no life unless you classify taxi driver to two kids - a life...but hey it is my life right??? And I for one am choosing to be happy.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Okay guys/gals, lets get our holiday spirits going!

My divorce was final today so I'm not exactly in the mood to go caroling, but I made a deal with myself months ago that this year I am going to try and have some holiday spirit.

Last year I was so depressed I managed only to put up a tree 2 weeks before Christmas and finally hung some lights on it. And I did my shopping in 2 hours (thank you SuperTarget!) on Christmas Eve.

There was no enjoying of lights, music, family or the REAL reason for the season.

This year, I'm going to try. I've already asked my two teens if they'll help decorate a tree. Of course they said they will, which means of course they won't. They never do. But I'm going to try and do it this year.

Also looking forward to being able to play Christmas CD's. My ex (feels weird to say that) didn't like Christmas music, so I only got to play it when he wasn't around, or he'd shut it off and turn on his TV.

And I'm going to try and concentrate on the real reason we celebrate Christmas, Jesus's birth.

(Okay, and I'm also going to try and find time to watch The Grinch at least once.)

As for Thanksgiving, it has been a tradition for a number of years that we hosted my side of the family at our house because we have a kitchen set up very nicely for buffet service.

So, I invited my family again this year. It will be just ME preparing the entire spread (except for the side dish they'll each bring). My mom has asked me about 50 times, "Are you SURE you want to do this? You don't have to."

YES, I'm sure! I need something to keep other things off my mind.

So there you go. I'm going to keep busy enough that hopefully I won't have time to feel the loneliness and the pain of the memories. (Except for that 8-day stint in late November when my ex and the OW take my daughter to Paris--I'll be all alone with no way to get ahold of her.)

LL

Thanksgiving will be difficult. Not as hard as last Christmas was, with my sister dying on December 1, but the first Thanksgiving without her. Our family gets together every other year and we are due, but the last Thanksgiving we had she was so sick she couldn't eat and slept most of the time.

I honestly don't know how we pulled through last Christmas, with her five kids all there doing their best impressions of normal. My brother was also missing but his then-STBX was there with their three kids at least.

I've had a really hard time with the holidays since my dad passed in '92. It has been easier in the past couple of years, not having to deal with my ex's family; but Westley's isn't perfect either and going there is stressful as well.

I'm ready to scrap the whole family thing and just stay home with my peeps and chill. Bah to the humbug, fo shizzle.

I'm all for starting new traditions--

Family traditions should be changed occassionally--
why? because most family traditions include at least one of the following--

1. Childhood garbage is brought to the surface--

2. Someone didn't get JUST what they wanted so they whine and complain--

3. You have a huge tree with lots of presents and then your grumpy the first six months of the year because you went in debt--

4. Someones brand new toy gets broken--and they cry--

5. Someone doesn't like their gift--and has to be returned the very next day--when thousands of other people are returning things they don't like either--so you get grumpy standing in lines all day

6. While standing in line you wonder why they waited until AFTER Christmas to put everything you bought BEFORE Christmas on sale--

7. You go to lots of parties and eat lots of food
gaining weight your going to swear two weeks later you'll lose THIS year--

8. After coming down from the sugar high of the holiday everyone is depressed--(i guess thats why they are grumpy when the credit cards bills come due) hmmmm--maybe credit card companies should send chocolate with their bills--

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ThornedRose:
<strong> 8. After coming down from the sugar high of the holiday everyone is depressed--(i guess thats why they are grumpy when the credit cards bills come due) hmmmm--maybe credit card companies should send chocolate with their bills-- </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You bet they should... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ThornedRose:
<strong> I'm all for starting new traditions--

Family traditions should be changed occassionally--
why? because most family traditions include at least one of the following--

1. Childhood garbage is brought to the surface--</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah - even the well-intentioned stuff. My family is going to patronize me and I don't feel like being taken care of by them. It is important to take care of myself now, but my mother won't let me do that. I know - because my first marriage ended at this same time of year and she guilted me into participating in X-mas anyway. It was so miserable that I still cringe when I remember it, and that was more than 20 years ago.

I was going to take a trip that weekend and just be gone. But I'm closing on my new house on the 15th and moving in the weekend B4 X-mas - so I won't be able to go out of town the following weekend. (No $$ among other things!)

Yeah - even the well-intentioned stuff. My family is going to patronize me and I don't feel like being taken care of by them.

Okay, that is a problem in my family. My mom is the worst, my sis comes in a close second. That's why I'm not telling them yet that my DV is final. I'll tell them someday--just not now, and maybe not until after the holidays (unless they specifically ask, and then I can't lie).

But if they find out, I'll get treated like a baby and mom will call all the time and ask if everything is okay. So I will avoid as long as possible.

LL

My STBX invited me to her parents house for turkey day if I wasn't doing anything. I don't know that that would be better than being alone.

If I listen to my mom, the kids spend as much time with me as possible for the holidays. That is exactly what may happen for turkey day this year. I may take them Wed- Sat to my sisters where the rest of my family will be in NC.

W will get her first holiday alone

WIWH

Deja-vu,

Thats why I started my own traditions--

I don't do family functions very well--if my grandparents are in town--okay--I'll go only because they are elderly and I love spending time with them--

but past that the conversations are about how bad the schools are--and how much more money needs to be thrown at the problem instead of how to get the KIDS to actually take responsibility for doing their school work--blame the government, blame the parents--but ignore the lack of responsibility for who earns the grades--

I guess I could always change his point of view--
by placing ALL the responsibility of my poor grades in school squarely on HIS shoulders--If nothing else it would certainly shut him up for a bit until he could figure out something else to talk about--

And when he starts bringing up MY short comings I could always turn it around and remind him of his own--lying, cheating self--that would also shut him up--

So remember folks--if the fur flies--throw your own--if nothing else--you'll feel better for lifting the rug out from under them--

<small>[ November 16, 2004, 06:33 PM: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</small>

Lady, you have a SuperTarget? That's not fair. I want one too! (I'm going to pout now!)

I get to go see the Diplomat for Thanksgiving but won't get to see him after that until who knows when.

For 20 years, Thanksgiving was always with a large group of various families including my in-laws. Now, none of them is involved (MIL is institutionalized with Alzheimer's, FIL has become a recluse, STBXH has chosen to alienate himself from everyone, stepson is dead, SIL resents everyone, believing they judged her for losing custody of her kids to my STBXH and me, and her kids try to maintain a relationship with her and fear invoking her wrath if they talk to me, so they rarely do). I'm the only one who still maintains contact, but I'm no longer invited to the "family" get togethers.

My brother and his family have taken pity on me the last three years almost demanding I join them for Xmas. They are a wonderful family and way too generous, but they're on the opposite coast and being with them only makes me feel more alone. He has a beautiful wife and 4 kids and I have none of the above. Usually they start putting pressure on me early, but so far nothing, which is a relief, since I don't really want to go there this year.

My other brother and his wife and kids don't really celebrate Xmas since she's Jewish and he was raised Christian. They usually go to a movie. My mom is dead and my dad is 97, living in independent living, but in a remote area. He won't even leave the building anymore or let me stay in his apartment for fear of upsetting his bathroom routine (increasingly an issue as one ages as I'm starting to realize <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) so visiting means staying in a motel 3000 miles from home and visiting him in his overheated apt during the day while he reads, watches TV, and catnaps.

I've recently moved, in order to sell our home to partially pay off my STBX, into a trailer on 18 acres of land with 4 of my 7 horses, 4 dogs, and 2 cats. I have no electricity or phone line, but have a generator, wireless internet and a cell phone. The heater broke this week so I'm using my oven for heat and the fumes are giving me a headache.

But I'm still running our business alone and sending my STBX a check every two weeks while he and OW are enjoying their new house, not working, and their endless party.

Yet, I hate to admit it but, mostly to avoid thinking about other things I didn't want to think about, I've just about completed my Xmas shopping, all on-line. Not the cheapest way to go, but the thought of Super Target on Xmas eve makes me feel faint with anxiety. And, I'm excited about gift giving to all my friends and family.

Maybe with no family to worry about, I'll help serve dinner for the needy this year!

I'm all for starting new traditions--


1. Childhood garbage is brought to the surface--

So stay home and cook your own dinner--that way you don't have to listen to them--you can call and wish them well--

2. Someone didn't get JUST what they wanted so they whine and complain--

This year--Don't get them ANYTHING!!

3. You have a huge tree with lots of presents and then your grumpy the first six months of the year because you went in debt--

Buy a small tree--buy three gifts each--stay out of DEBT!!

4. Someones brand new toy gets broken--and they cry--

Hand them another toy--

5. Someone doesn't like their gift--and has to be returned the very next day--when thousands of other people are returning things they don't like either--so you get grumpy standing in lines all day

Again--don't buy them anything--

6. While standing in line you wonder why they waited until AFTER Christmas to put everything you bought BEFORE Christmas on sale--

I prefer this on--wait until NEWS YEARS to celebrate Christmas--then everything is on sale--
they have all taken back what they didn't want so prices are marked down even more--and you save LOTS of MONEY!!

7. You go to lots of parties and eat lots of food
gaining weight your going to swear two weeks later you'll lose THIS year--

Forget the diet--or stay away from the parties--

8. After coming down from the sugar high of the holiday everyone is depressed--(i guess thats why they are grumpy when the credit cards bills come due) hmmmm--maybe credit card companies should send chocolate with their bills--

I still think credit card companies should send chocolate with their first bill of the year--

i have worked them for years. triple time is hard to turn down. it helped us pay the bills of christmas and to get away aferwards.

Family christmas were always just us anyway as his family takes after him whiners.

I have no kids to buy for anymore as they refuse visitation. so I plan on working with my oldest at whatever service thing she gets involved with.

And cooking for the other techs.

I will buy for the poor families around me here in this depressed area. I will thank god and jesus for the snow (please let it snow) and go snowtubing with my boyfriend, he promised!

Since last years holidays were sooo stressed - knowing WH was up to something just wasn't sure..

3 weeks ago I decided NOT to put up a tree or decorate..I have sooo much holiday stuff it takes days to get it all out and looking pretty..To me it wasn't worth the effort when you are living w/someone who would prefer to be elsewhere (but, doesn't have the xmas balls to go).

NOW - I say DO IT - DO IT FOR ME... I love my Santa's, snowmen, lights, wreaths, etc. I need to be surrounded by things I enjoy...

Don't know what I'll do about Xmas Eve - I always have family over including his..I know my family will not sit down to dinner w/him - so hmmm, maybe he'll leave and have dinner w/one of his hoe's (oh, that's right they are all MARRIED....)

HEY LETSTRY - Glad to see there is another horse lover on this board..Wow you have quite a few - I only have one..WH TRIED to blame my poor horse for the reason he cheats..How's that for low blow....Won't be long I'll be sayin - Have my dog, my horse, don't need no cowboy...hahahahha

Last year all I wanted for Xmas was my husband back - I wanted him to love me again and let these OW go...I guess Santa can only do so much..I don't have anything on my list this year - and WH who use to buy me wonderful gifts - will have nothing under the tree for me..Oh well..Guess he's done buying my silence...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL

ithurts, I missed that about the other horselover. I also am a horse lover. I managed to keep one of the 6 we had.

Hopefully the rest will get good homes, I could not afford to keep them and he has the kids including the girl that used to love horses until he got her head twisted and now she doesn't want anything to do with what I love.

Hopefully she will manage to get thru it. I pray daily.

I always struggle through the holidays. Always.

And this year, daughter thinks she wants to go live with her dad. And she wants to do it over Christmas break. And her dad wants to do it then. And last night I emailed him and told him that the holidays were stressful enough, I didn't think that would be a good plan.

He didn't follow my request on when to move out and, by golly, it's about time he start paying attention to what I say.

Isn't that right.

I am a grown-up (so they say) and I have the right to tell him what I want without explaining too much.

Somebody say "Amen"!!!!

cinderella,

AMEN!!

AMEN

Stone Cold - When I read Letstry's post she mentined her horses - so that's 3 maybe 4 f us so far..I think "horsey" who post on this BB is also a horse love..

Sorry, you had to sell off some of your horses - I can't imagine how hard that would be. How sad that your WH would try to take your daughters love of horses or anything and destroy it..Does he know how great they are for our soul..

I still say - if I had to live under a frickin bridge to keep my horse I'd do it..He's what has kept me sane thru my WH A's..He loves me unconditionally. I could NEVER give him up..

HAPPY TRAILS - OR SALUTE AT X

Well if I could give up my horse to get my kids back I would. But tht is impossible and anyone that would make you make a choice like that is a game player also. (kinda describes alot of cheatin spouses don't it ha ha)

It is nice to meet some other horse lovers. My friend who went thru her divorce a year before mine lost both of hers a few months ago. I cried so hard for her. She had given my daughter lessons and was a great source of comfort to me to ride with her and vent at the barn. Now she is gone. And still playing the games her x is throwing her way.

I spend alot of time at the barn grooming and riding. I set up some music and I really enjoy it. I love the use of the indoor. I tried to share it with my daughter but she turned away. Dad needs her.