STBX wants to be best friends. I need time to heal - 03/23/05 01:51 AM
I need some advice on this one because I don't want to seem cold but I need to get some distance before I can even contemplate a friendship.
Whenever me and my STBX are together it's like we haven't missed a beat we talk just like we were still together, we get along great because the pressure is off..the only problem is that he also thinks it should still be that way in the bedroom and that I should be there for him in every way. Of course this is classic for an emotionally abused wife.
Because he has been very emotionally abusive I end up acting like a different person when I am with him..the problem is as soon as he gets home he drinks a bottle of vodka calls me up and starts verbally abusing me and calling me names, mind you this is in front of my 17yr old son and I end up begging and pleading for his mercy.
I try to just hang up but by the time I calm myself down from what he is saying to me I end up defending myself and losing all respect and dignity. He sucks me back into thinking that it is all my fault and that the reason he drinks is because I was not a good enough wife and because I was never there for him because I thought of my job instead of him (i was the only one that worked in the entire marriage and usually 2 jobs). He tells me that I don't care and I have to some way convince him that I do....but I really don't anymore...
I want to move on with my life but he wants continuous contact each day and hear my voice.
My daughter told him that I would put it on tape and send it to him and he can hear it all day long.
I feel the need to make sure to not get him mad because if he is mad then he rages on me and then at won't give me the child support that I have to have in order to make it. He still has me emotionally hostage.
I think I could move on and finally heal if I just had no contact but how can I get that across to someone that will go off the deep in if I was to even contemplate that. The kids beg me to talk to him because he has told them that he would kill himself if he could never talk to me or hear my voice again (how abusive).
When my 4 year old is talking to people he will tell them we are getting divorced and his dad drinks because my mommy broke my daddy's heart.
We have all been mentally brainwashed over the years and until we all have no contact for a while we will never be able to heal.
Any suggestions
Whenever me and my STBX are together it's like we haven't missed a beat we talk just like we were still together, we get along great because the pressure is off..the only problem is that he also thinks it should still be that way in the bedroom and that I should be there for him in every way. Of course this is classic for an emotionally abused wife.
Because he has been very emotionally abusive I end up acting like a different person when I am with him..the problem is as soon as he gets home he drinks a bottle of vodka calls me up and starts verbally abusing me and calling me names, mind you this is in front of my 17yr old son and I end up begging and pleading for his mercy.
I try to just hang up but by the time I calm myself down from what he is saying to me I end up defending myself and losing all respect and dignity. He sucks me back into thinking that it is all my fault and that the reason he drinks is because I was not a good enough wife and because I was never there for him because I thought of my job instead of him (i was the only one that worked in the entire marriage and usually 2 jobs). He tells me that I don't care and I have to some way convince him that I do....but I really don't anymore...
I want to move on with my life but he wants continuous contact each day and hear my voice.
My daughter told him that I would put it on tape and send it to him and he can hear it all day long.
I feel the need to make sure to not get him mad because if he is mad then he rages on me and then at won't give me the child support that I have to have in order to make it. He still has me emotionally hostage.
I think I could move on and finally heal if I just had no contact but how can I get that across to someone that will go off the deep in if I was to even contemplate that. The kids beg me to talk to him because he has told them that he would kill himself if he could never talk to me or hear my voice again (how abusive).
When my 4 year old is talking to people he will tell them we are getting divorced and his dad drinks because my mommy broke my daddy's heart.
We have all been mentally brainwashed over the years and until we all have no contact for a while we will never be able to heal.
Any suggestions