To all who wonder contact or no contact. On Dec 6th we went to family court for child support order. The oc is 5 years old all of this time my H has never met him well we decided together to meet him on that day. Big mistake ever since the ow has been calling my H asking for money etc. We took the oc for the day and bought him clothes toys etc as he had 3 pairs of pants at home. What goes through the ow's mind when she is pregnant does she think he will leave his wife and marry me and take care of us. most time it does not happen that way. I do not feel we can continue to see him as this is what i did not want to happen. My h said fine with him we will no longer have to see him. 5 years is a long time he is not a baby it was kind of awkward. Sorry if i am rambling I am still confused. I say just pay the support and continue on with our lives we have a son who turned 18 on Dec. 6th. So once again to all who wonder contact or n/c i say if you say no in the beginning do not change your mind let things stay the way they are. Thanks,
Gina

Were you explained to the child who you were? And if you now go NC, who is left to explain to this child why H no longer wants to see him? I'm sorry, I just think that is a cruel thing to do to a child who has no clue what is going on.

Gina:

What did you want not to happen?

Yes, I can understand, it would be awkward meeting the OC and spending the whole day with him. I would imagine even as a 5 yr old it was strange for him too. IMHO, it would be more confusing and damaging (for lack of a better word) for the 5 yr old to have sporadic C vs NC at all

Personally, from what I've read here, elsewhere etc, I (my opinion only) do believe the majority of OW's do believe that MM will leave their family and WH and OW will go on to live that fairy tale,cinderalla life and they will go on to take good care of that poor MM whom BS hasn't been taking care of paying attention to - - blah, blah, blah. You know the routine.

You're right, it doesn't happen the majority of the time. And, when they finally come to that realization (which may take years), the trouble begins and they want $$$$ because that's the only way they can get to MM, his BS and family. Simply said, the only way they can get revenge.

As you well know, each situation is different and only you and H can make the decision whether C or NC for your family.

Why was OW calling H if there was NC in place?

I'm sure the contact, court, and OW calling H just reopened old wounds and again you can't help but relive the past.

I'm sorry you were put in the position of having to deal with it all over again.

Take good care.

That's SO sad all the way around. Why would you take the poor kid for a whole day if you weren't considering contact? It doesn't sound well thought out. The Xow should not be asking for $--That's what the ch-support order is for.

You sound confused and ambivalent. These issues can be sorted out AHEAD of time by join agreement with your H, and even a counselor too. Then you can be firm and united on what your rules are for xow/oc. That prevents the things you describe, which sound traumatizing for everyone! I'm sorry it went that way.

J.
my story at end of "What do I do now?"
(late decision for visitation)