Don't know if anyone will remember me. I have not posted here in a long time. Haven't even been on this website in a long time - was spending way too much time here at one time (and at that other one that can always get a rise out of those of us that have been betrayed). Saw some of the old familiar names, and thought I would give a positive update for some of those going through this. This has been about 5 years since D day for me, OC is about 6. We have NC. Sent $ for about a year and a half - 2 years, but after I found out and contact with OW became less and less, we had some financial trouble and couldn't afford to keep sending $. She never filed for CS and my H just stopped having contact with her (He never had much contact with OC as they live very far away). No DNA test but my H feels 100% sure child is his. Think she doesn't want me involved in OC's life so she has not filed for CS for fear that we will then ask for visitation. Our marriage is great. Communication has improved, H treats me and our children great, he is so much more present in our marriage and family. He appreciates me and our family so much more. Trust is still hard, and talking about it is still hard, but something we work on. Nobody knows about situation - not our kids or family or friends. Don't know how I would deal with that. His commitment to us has made it possible to forgive. And knowing that by forgiving him, he has become a better person and my kids have a loving family (although still stressful at times). Sometimes I wonder how I got through that time, but you do what you have to do. I got a lot of good advice from people on this site.
CDCOLLINS - don't know if you remember me but we talked and you gave me some good legal advice. Unfortunately, I have had a really hard time finding a good lawyer here and we got screwed by a lawyer trying to draw up a separation agreement to protect me, so it is still hanging in limbo and has been a long process. Dragging that out has been painful. LYNNG also gave some good advice to me. There are so many wonderful, strong, amazing women who have had to deal with this situation and are willing to help. Thank God there is a place like this for people like this to go to. Too bad there doesn't seem to be much action here anymore!

FTB,
It is great when those of you who have been through this drop back in. There isn't much activity here right now, but there are still those of us going through the same things you did. Your posts allow us to go back in the archives and read about many of the same things that we go through. The isolation, the fears for us, our marriages, and our children. Our future and how this will stay with us forever. It is good to read through the things you wrote back then, and even better to hear that you are surviving it down the road.
Thank you for dropping in and inspiring those of us that are still here and struggling.

FTS

fortheboys, I do remember your posts.

I am happy that you and yours are well.

Hi Everyone, Its been such a long time I had to reregister. Its been yrs since I have been here! Have to use reading glasses just to see what Iam typing. All the bitterness has gone. Hang in there all that are struggling with this it will get better I promise. This place saved my life.OC is almost seven, No contact. 11 more yrs of child support and it will all be over.

We are doing very well my business is going great!

Gem, I have not ran over any more garbage cans <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ha ha ha, although hubby did run over a swing set in a city park with the boom truck the other day <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> opps .

Heavenly, What a wonderful thing you are doing, I know you will help many tortured souls your words were always such a comfort.
With love, flowerseed

flowerseed,

This board isn't very busy these days. When those of you that have survived drop in and update it does us newbies a great deal of good. Thank you. I am very glad that things are going so well for you. I know that things are improving for us but the storm still rages at times. I am only 2 years out, we have 16 more years of NC and CS before it will be over. We moved and are rebuilding our M and our lives with OUR children.

best wishes,
FTS

FTS, Hopefully that is a good sign that things are slow here, could it be less people are having to deal with this mess. You hang in there it will all come to pass. The roller coaster ride of emotions was a nightmare, I remember so badly wishing there was some magic cure to make it all go away. At times I thought of just giving up get rid of husband and it would be better, but you know it wouldn’t have been the anger and rage and crazy mess would have most likely been worse.I dont think I would ever have had what I have now.
The magic cure is time (4-5 yrs) and working as a team being a family at all times husband having to prove himself to me over and over again until I could believe in him again. I think us working together was a big help (I knew were he was at all times <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />). I ended up starting my own business. I got sick of husbands paycheck getting raped weekly. There were times when he would not be able to work a full week and it would leave us with nothing. One yr of that and I took control and the ow gets the cs when I send it in She cant touch my money <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />.
If it wasn’t for the constant reminder from having to pay the cs I would not have to think about this at all 11 more yrs doesn’t seem that far away anymore. Hang in there, with love flowerseed

Thank you flowerseed. I know that the past two and 1/2 yrs have been tough, but the last 3 months better than the 3 before. We have established NC. H doesn't believe he was anything more than a targeted sperm donor, and permanent support person, so she could be a mom. Really sick! When the letters show up from the CSE people it does make you sick. We separated all of our finances. I own the house solely, we redid the will's to protect our family from OW. It looks like such a long time looking forward the next 16 yrs, but it is good to hear that it gets better except for the monthly bill.

God Bless,

FTS

((((Flowerseed!!))),
What? Not running over garbage cans any longer? Heh heh heh.
Good to see you today, like coming here to check up on oldies who have done well in recovery. I think it gives newbies hope.
Ummm, let's see, we have 12 more years of cs. I'm not too far behind you.
I also use 'Uncle Junior'(Sopranos) reading glasses to type and read. I had to laugh when I read you need em too.

FTS, it does take time.... for me, it was about 5 years to begin to feel normal once again. Like Flowerseed said, if only there was a magic pill.... sigh..... .

FTB, good to see you are doing so much better. CDCollins is wonderful, isn't she? I haven't seen LynnG in quite a while. She sure knows her stuff too!

Glad I stopped by today <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

love
Debi

ps... hi pops!