Despite the immense number of stars in the midnight sky, not a single one of them is capable of making ow disappear no matter how hard I wish for it. On a related note, I have found (through much trial and even more error) that although I have a relatively high-functioning brain, I no telekenetic abilities whatsoever that I can discern, and therefore cannot cause spontaneous combustion of ow, fatal car crashes, etc. Although to date, I have had some success in projecting thoughts that appear to make her uglier each time we see her.
Secondly, if there is any truth to Einstein's theory that time travel is possible, I have been unable to find it. All efforts thus far to create a working time machine in order to go back and eliminate ow have been futile.
Lastly, after much consideration and concentration, I still cannot conceive of a plan for the "perfect murder" that really pans out.
someday, though... (Insert villianous laughter here)
With love and a grain of salt to take this reply with,
[This message has been edited by cdcollins (edited February 15, 2001).]
We ALL wish what you wish; and we all know too deeply the intense disappointment that nothing will ever truly be the same, deep down where it counts. But, I, for one, am two years and four months into this insanity and surrealistic journey and only into 'true' recovery for the last four months, and I have to tell you, in some ways, our love for each other has intensified. Maybe it isn't the lighthearted, easy, no shadows type love, free from jealousy and angst I once felt every hour for twenty years, but it is a renewal and rededication.
My husband is far, far more appreciative of me; desperately wants to make me happy, make things up to me, spend the rest of his life with me and me alone. I am not worried he will 'change' again like he did for those six weeks and leave me or cheat on me again. For one thing I told him if he did it again I would shoot him and he knows I am a crack shot. Hahaha
Blue, your pain is still so raw. It probably puzzles you when we joke about some of this as if we no longer have the pain, but it is still there, Blue...and it will never go away. But this should give you hope that it will get better, because it does.
As you can see, cd is four years into it and her marriage is rebounding. She can give a hilarious analogy of how she wishes she had telekenetic powers and a means for time travel. We laugh because if we don't, we'll cry.
It took me two years to get to where I could get through one day a week without thinking of the OW and what my husband did with her and what the results of his actions caused...something that to me is the ultimate in intimacy, so special and so sacred and it makes me sick right now that it was shared with someone so unworthy, just typing the words on these Keys make my eyes and nose sting. But it does not diminish where we are and how far we've come. It will be like this for you someday too, after much healing.
I remember feeling like you did; and still do at times. I remember standing on the balcony over looking the ocean at 4AM praying to God in a cadence, "Oh, please God, don't let it be true, don't let it be his" with sheets of tears running down my face. I remember the excruciating pain unlike anything I had ever endured in my life, and my life has been a difficult struggle since I was five. The rest of my life has been a cake walk in comparison.
So, Honey Blue, I do know, I do remember, and I do wish what you wish, but, like cd says...not one single star is capable of making the OW disappear. The stages we go through begin with denial, then anger, then sadness and melacholy...and then acceptance.
While I will never have complete acceptance, I am grateful I have a small measure of it to get through the todays to look forward to my tomorrows.
God bless you, comfort you, protect you and grant you peace.
Why don't you e-mail the photo of the "OW Poster Child" for Blue...it might cheer her up. We should make the woman in the photo our mascot...our OW in effigy. In fact, each time we get a 'newbie', we should e-mail her a copy of the photo as our welcome.
I do have to admit that I told HG that at this stage, I sometimes feel like that woman though
I don't believe you Tigger! You made me laugh.
Blue....it's only natural to "wish" that. Sometimes while we're watching tv together,I wish my H away too. I mean we still watch tv the same as we did while H was unfaithful. You know? He looks the same. I wonder what he thought when we watched "American Beauty" last summer? The bastard!!!!
The sneakiness is something I can't get over. The putting me and her and her H in a position where we all went out together....That drives me insane some days!
Enough! I want a free mind today....It's been over since july! I must concentrate on how happy and relieved and thankful he is. I must remember how he said he's ashamed that he never realized he had the best right here at home! Right? Right!
also, let me know if you want to see the pictures of some of us and i will tell you how, or even email a picture of you and i will post it there!
take care all.
and also, i have even prayed that she would disappear. that is pretty bad. so blue, all this is normal. it is a coping mechanism and we have most likely all wished that. i mostly wish that one day she marries, falls deeply in love with her husband, and then that he cheats on her and gets the other woman pregnant. and that she can feel all the pain i have felt. i guess i have a little more to work on don't i...