We've Reached A Common Ground - Marriage Builders® Forums

Hi Guys, I had a busy weekend. H and I exchanged letters since last week each day.(dropping off at his office/H dropping in my mailbox). Friday the phone rang around dinner time and it was H playing a love song on his truck radio...no talking...I listened and hung up. H called a while later to apologize for being "childish"...I said it was ok...I was on my way out the door to drop off a reply to his latest "love" letter.H called Sunday to see if he could come over to talk. I said sure...I wanted to hear what he had to say.I listened as he said he loved and missed me. We both do love and miss each other. He says what most H's say in that he wishes he could take it all back...such a fool....didn't realize he could lose the best thing that happened to him...etc...etc....If I accepted him back it would be God's blessing after what he did to us.....Then I listened to his "plan"#1 Always a 3rd party pick up if C is his. Plans on seeing C once every 2-3 months.#2 will have dna taken this week and put on file at attorneys office to be ready.#3 Will not do anything if she doesn't come after him w/paternity suit. Will presume she lied.#4 We will always discuss all of these matters together and decide together.#5 Knows that even minimal contact is going to be very hard for me...says I can vent, rant, and hit him w/a chair. Wanted me to know as a man he could not bear never seeing C. Wanted me to know he never intended to become a co-parent, it was me jumping to conclusions.#6 And this is huge! He said if moving from here is what t takes he will! That is amazing. From the beginning he has said we'd never move that no one's making him leave his house(OW). That he said all of this and means it..I will try again.If we don't try he said it would be horrible to give up our 27 yrs. H begged me to let him prove his love and need to protect me. Sooooooo....he's moving back in a little at a time the way he moved out. I'm ok with that. It's like I know he's gonna be here by the end of the week or weekend so....I'm patiently going to wait.He called a couple times today to say I love you...and thanks...So everyone....someone I admire said "WE BOTH WON....EACH OTHER". I agree.I'll update you....btw baby due in 8 days!Also I still do not want c here or to see it. Maybe when it's older...who knows? First it has to be born and P test...then we'll see.Debi ------------------ Imagine....

Gem Yeahhhhhhhh!!!! It sounds like the two of you made some significant progress. Keep up the good work and continue to keep us up to date MM

Oh Gemini!! I am so happy for you! You guys are going to make it work. God bless you guys and congrats on the progress!!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Debi,I am SO happy for you and Hubby!!!! If I were you, and have a printer, I would print up your plan so you can see it each day. That way, neither of you forgets what you have decided, together, to do to rebuild your marriage! I know I haven't posted a lot to you lately. I usually don't know what to say to help you with your pain and anger. Also, I know you don't look at me the same way, but with your OW being due soon, I don't want to bring up any new pain. I will be praying for you and for God to be with you as each day goes by, till the baby is born and you find out where it is going to go from there.Again, Keep up the good work, and I am so happy that you have found a common ground.Love,Tigger

Dear Debi,I never stopped praying for you because I felt there was so much love between you and your H that it was just a matter of time before he saw the light.I could not be happier for your new beginning. Your H is really getting a bargain -- new you and new girls too!love, heavenly

YOU POST SOUNDS EXACTLY HOW WE DID IT. WE SAT AND DID THE WE THING AND THE WE WANT THING. MOSTLY COMPROMISING WHICH WORKS OUT FIND. MY ONLY THING IS I WISHED I HAVE WAITED BEFORE HAVING OC IN MY HOME. AT LEAST TILL SHE WAS A YEAR. MY H WAS AFFRAID THAT IF HE DIDN'T HAVE CONTACT SHE WOULD NOT KNOW HIM. AND I UNDERSTOOD THAT BUT AT THE SAME TIME YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER SHE IS A BABY 6 MOS I BELIEVE. MY PHYSICAL CONTACT WILL BE WHEN SHE IS 1 YEARS OLD I ALREADY DCISCUSS THAT WITH H.KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. YOU BOTH ARE GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

oh gem, i am so glad you have reached a common ground. that is wonderful. i too had faith that you and H would eventually work this all out. it was obvious the love you have for eachother. i am so happy for you. you can do this. you have us to vent with too girlfriend!love, happy_girl

Gemini; All I can say is that I am happy for you! I may not be around much; I may check in once in a while; but I wish you all of the best and I will be praying for you!Lots of Luck!Love and peace! Aloneandsad [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Oh Debi,That is such WONDERFUL news!!! What a blessing!Love and Lots of Prayersbw

gemini, I am so grateful your H woke up and smelled the coffee of the right house. I am glad he is coming home to you, and you are o.k with his conditions.Will write more another day, but I know how difficult this all has been, for both of us, and I am glad we are each trying to heal.Be good to each other >

Lets all have a homecoming party for Gem and her H!!!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Oh Gem, I'm sooooooooo happy for you. This is a start down the right path. I hope you can feel that this is your second chance at forever happiness with the man you truely love and who loves you!congratulation.... i knew you'd come out on top!why, because you're one of us.hugs {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ GEM }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}------------------ Zebra Baby ...Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Hi All , Thanks for the upbeat words!I will keep up the prayers. God works wonders....Debi------------------ Imagine....

Gem, Thats great! Sounds like your weekend was wonderful so good to hear you two are going to be back working on the love you have for one another. with love flowerseed

Wow, Gem what good news!!! I'm so happy for you, not a day went by that I didnt hope you two "find" each other again... I am so glad that you will be together when the time comes. It's still going to be stressful but you need each other more than ever. Congratulations on the progress. Have a great week. love, fluke

moving on up

Flowerseed and Fluke It's gonna be HARD but worth it.We love each other first and foremost and had to work around THAT.Debi------------------ Imagine....

Gemini, Just want to add my congrads to you [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Congratulations Gem! It will be hard, but all things truely great are usually tinged with a little effort. How is your son these days? I think of him often when I see your posts. Carolyn

Thanks everyone. I KNOW it'll be hard. H said when he sees C I am welcome to come along as he wants us to do everything together. I said he must understand while I do know he can't turn his back it is too painful for me. Maybe or maybe not in the future.He also said something that scared me....if he's allowed every other Saturday...he'd like to do that too...he wants to be a "good" father. Yipes! I do in my heart understand...and that may or may not come to pass. If it does I will know his intentions are not against me. He said something funny.....If ow put her pus*y in front of his face now he'd spit on her! Keeps saying over and over to seperate her from C in my mind.I can't right now.Takingcare, my son is a pretty happy guy these days. He's getting better w/idea dad will have C in his life. Maybe because he doesn't see me crying and screaming about it now.I don't tell him how it'll still be so hard. I tell him I understand dad now.I tell him we are a team now.We've made a poja concerning everything including 3rd party. It's to reasure ME that his only interest is C ,not ow.I also told him dad said lets move . He seemed great w/that. We may. We'll see. I feel more powerful now in the way we're doing things and may not choose to move just yet. The option being there is so nice.I do think making him leave 6 wks. ago, helped him to sort out what I've asked for in his mind. He really missed me. I really missed him.With that , and our love, we'll work around the other stuff.My son is so protective of me. I love him so much. He also loves his dad and their relationship has matured over these past 5 months.I will always still need your prayers....ok?Love, Debi------------------ Imagine....[This message has been edited by gemini1 (edited April 25, 2001).]