<small>[ October 18, 2002, 12:40 AM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>
Tina, I think you cannot give up the resentment as H is not going out of his way to do what you want. You have gone out of your way to try visitation even though it hurts you. HOwever limited, it still hurts. Your H does not see what you are doing.Zebra baby tried visitation, but then her H gave it up when he realized how much it hurt her. MJ visits, but does so remotely-she does not deal with weekly or monthly visits, and her visits does not interfere with her normal routine with her new boys now.<p>It is all so different. YOUr H needs to know he cannot get all he wants and keep marriage with you.THat is what he must deal with.And yes, that is because he blew it.
UW,
He knows how much it hurts, that is why he keeps asking me why do I bother keeping him around.
I know for a fact that he will never stop visitation, it wouldn't be fair to the OC. So in there lies the problem of loyalties.
No comment from him on the e-mail I sent him. I am sure he is trying to avoid any conflict with me tonight, as V is tomorrow. <p>How are things going with you UW?<p>Tina
Tina,<p>I am truly honestly sorry that things are still so hard for you. I think about you often and include you in my prayers.<p>I don't mean to imply that everyone needs to except visitation. Most people cannot. You have been generous, IMO. About the resentment, I want to clarify. Whether you stay or go, whether you have visitation or not, everyone needs to get the resentment resolved. Resentment is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other guy to die. If it doesn't kill us, it at least embitters our own lives. <p>Do you have the chance to counsel with the Harleys? I know that it is expensive, but so many here have benefited greatly by it.<p>Have you thought about Plan B? If you are living in constant pain and no progress is being made nor has been made in quite a while, maybe it is time for Plan B. Your H may need a taste of what life would be like without you.<p>Shalom,
MJ
When the spouse is the source of your unhappiness, how are you supposed to just grin and bear it???<p>HUGS and hoping that your weekend away is productive. Maybe try to share Harley's 4 Rules for Recovery from SAA book??? See if your H is open to these concepts? And if he is, why not just go over them as a refresher???<p>What if you negotiated something reasonable. Just ask him "how would he feel if" and then tell him what you want?<p>WHY does he feel he's being unfair to OC??? He was unfair to the OC when he had the affair? You know? It's too late to be concerned about the OC to the degree he is trying. Does that make sense? I'm not trying to be cruel, but OC's are born into an unfair situation and God knows this. God will take care of the OC. I think your H is trying to take on too much responsibility. He cannot right the wrong he has done to the OCs no matter how much guilt he feels... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>He might as well work on his life with you and rebuild his sure thing... That is, before he loses it!!!<p>Just my opinions. Sorry to ramble on...